Tuesday, 03 March 2009
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"We're Dating - Now Don't Talk to Any Girls/Guys But Me!"
I have a question I'm sure most all people in relationships have had to deal with: is it okay for your BF/GF to ask you not to talk to the opposite sex at all, like at parties or just hanging out at a friend's?
I tell my boyfriend as long as he doesn't flirt or exchange numbers, it should be okay. I know plenty of guys and girls who say they don't want their significant others talking to the opposite sex at all.
Is that even reasonable? Have you dated someone who insisted you not talk to members of the opposite sex?
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- From: lovepinkpanda@xanga
- Name: lovepinkpanda
- About Me: my name is amanda.i like to vent because i have noone i can tell my problems to.anywhoo i live in va im a huge philly fan [eagles,flyers,phillies] i love the typical girlie stuff shopping,tanning, getting my nails done.anyway add my myspace. myspace.com/exxpensivetaste or IM me ilustxyou
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Comments (141)
No way. It's not reasonable at all to ask that of your SO. It's possessive and manipulative. I would never date someone who demanded that of me.
I don't know if anyone can be that extreme, maybe in TV shows and high school dramas, but not in real life. If so, then I'd dump her in a heart beat. Most of my friends are girls.
That is pretty unreasonable. You would pretty much deny your SO the right to talk to 50% of everyone he/she sees. As long as you keep it platonic it's alright.
Duh. It's reasonable.
And so is letting someone tell you how to live your life, decide where you have the right to go, how many breaths you have the right to take, etc..
It's also very attractive to be that insecure that you can't even trust your lover to SPEAK to people. Seriously, that's a real winner.
*coughs* Sarcasm *coughs*
i've dated someone that was uncomfortable with the caliber of women i was around.. it's pretty much a security issue. it's kind of a trap; you're expected to be the aggressor in your endeavors, whether it be women, material possessions, spiritual encounters, etc.. but the biggest problem is usually with the opposite sex.
You did all the right things to bag your relationship, so now since they can't keep an eye on you, their worried that someone else will be attracted to the same thing that they're attracted to and that you might like what you've found and think it's more appealing than what you already have... so instead of consistently improving themselves, they just cut of contact with the opposite sex, from fear of the unknown.
most people will argue that it's an "if you're happy with what you have, you shouldn't have any need to talk to anyone else" argument. but then again, those that throw out that debate, are usually the submissive types that believe things happen to them and don't feel they have control over much... to them, relationships are their place to assume the control they desire.
It's not fair for guys/girls to cut of a part of their SO's life b/c of their insecurity.
that is SOOO immature and unreasonable. what, like, after you get married, even (you know, IF you do, of course), you're still gonna hold this big law over your spouse, "no talking to anyone who's not the same sex as you?" ugh. good grief. just juvenile.
now, so is dating someone who will be asking girls/guys out while he/she is dating YOU, too...soo...
as always, there is a balance.
wouldn't you agree?
It's not reasonable.
I dated a guy like that. He was abusive. Eventually, he didn't want me talking to some of my friends, guy or girl.
That behaviour is incredibly manipulative and controlling, and no one has the duty to comply with such a ludicrous demand. The person demanding that behaviour has SERIOUS issues...
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Agreed! Just because you're sharing your life with another person doesn't mean you have to lose your sense of individuality!
that's bs. [shrug] what are you supposed to do? give up all your friends next? god help the poor bisexual kids...
boring.
shall not be lasting.
Seems like there'd be some major trust issues..
Sure as long as you do exactly what you expect of him..that means no talking to anyone of the opposite sex, which includes your guyfriends if you have any.
I don't think its unreasonable, but rules are meant to be broken. Sometimes having such strict rules might suffocate your SO. It is important to give him freedom to do what he likes without feeling as if you're keeping him on a short leash. You want him to feel that you trust him and that he has the right to come and go as he pleases...that he's allowed to talk to whomever he likes. And in return, he won't run away and love you all the more b/c you're sure of yourself and confident in what you two have.
But it's up to you. You can forbid him from talking to women, but it won't last long and he will be unhappy in the end.
@Nicola_Six@xanga - That's exactly what I was going to say. Like word for word.
Um. Wow. That's really crazy.
There is a line. Talking casually is NOT it.
I think it's ridiculous and shows weakness in the relationship if you can't trust your SO to talk/hang out with people of the opposite sex. (not you specifically...haha) One of my best friends is a guy, and his girlfriend hates that we hang out all the time. She's actually flat out told him that he's not allowed to see me, but he doesn't care and we still hang out anyway (their relationship has other issues that I don't care to get into and I'm not a huge fan of her, but she has no reason to not let him see me.
People are people. People are attracted to certain people, people date certain people, people are friends with certain people. I don't know why gender has to make a difference.
you can't tell anyone what to do bottom line
No crazy demands like that...you trust or you leave!
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - lol! good point!
this is just ridiculous.... so does that mean sayin' yur dad wanted to talk to you is that a no-no 'cause he is of the opposite sex?
what happens if you, the lady, were friends with a guy since elementary school? does that mean u cant be friends anymore or talk to him just because your bf said so?
i think he has some trust issues......
i say DUMP the mofo!
anyone that decides to get into a relationship should be able to trust one another and hopefully they understand that there are people in your life that u will talk to and seek advice and hang out ....
as long as one doesnt do anything they are not suppose to do with just a friend compared to bf/gf....
I find that to be pretty unreasonable. For someone to lay down a rule like that means that they're insecure and/or they don't fully trust their SO to behave in a mature manner and not cheat.
Since most of my friends are guys, that would be like asking me to give up all but one or two friends and a few acquaintances! Any guy who does that gets the boot.
Also, since I'm bisexual it really doesn't make much sense either - what are you gonna do, ban me from talking to people!?!
SO can talk to the opposite sex.
just no flirting, being too close ..
== it has happen to me before. with my friend.
oh dear. it did not go well.
same thing with me. They can talk but they can only talk casually as friends...no flirting. And none of that exchanging numbers crap.
And no meeting new girls unless its a coworker or if we met her together.
I can understand no flirting but why not exchange phone numbers?
It's an anti-social world in the making! =O Hahaha. I don't think it's very reasonable. That's basically your life controlled by one person. To me, asking a significant other to not talk to other people is like shouting, "I DON'T TRUST A FRIGGIN' NEURON IN YOUR BODY." Freedom is nice. It's what I'd like, and it's what I'll give in return.