I'm curious. What exactly does "flirting" mean to you?
We all flirt differently (or maybe similarly), but everyone I know seems to have a slightly different definition. Some of my friends just say "touching the other person slightly, holding hands, etc.," which is what I view as "obvious flirting". Other friends tell me that it entails laughing at people, smiling a lot, or making eye contact. Well...does that mean I flirt with my girl friends?
This is all a bit confusing.
To me, the definition of flirting is actually rather hazy. I don't think it has a clear-cut definition, although some aspects of it may be more universally agreed upon than others.
Which leads me to another idea...? I honestly never think I'm flirting with boys. I treat them exactly like I treat my girl friends. So really... how am I flirting? How do they think that I like them? I don't know.
And if all this "talking to them a lot, laughing, hitting each other, insulting each other lightly, etc." is flirting... then have I been flirting with my best guy friend all my life? Or my cousin?
Flirting and friendship... I have a hard time distinguishing the two. Especially if no one spells it out. What's the difference?
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I think there should be a bit of a difference between the way you treat your girl friends and your guy friends.
Obviously no one would really think you were flirting with your cousin. But if your touching your best guy friend a lot, then he (or others) may think that you're flirting with him.
Before my wife and I started dating, I thought she was flirting with me all the time. She wasn't. She was just friendly.
I guess the difference really lies in your intentions (and perhaps, how obvious you make them). You can't really say for sure if a person is flirting unless they own up to it.
I have a tendency to smile and joke with almost everyone I converse with, and I'm definitely not flirting.
ive never thought about flirting the way you just described, and its very interesting. but that makes me wonder if youre thinking too hard about the subject. its totally fine that you treat people you like and your friends the same way, its just the way you are. what matters is what you believe. if youre bothered that if you treat these people the same way, why not change it? or stop worrying about it? its all up to you anyway. good luck! =]
I don't have anything constructive to say, but it reminds me of the cliche of a little girl in kindergarten kicking a boy in the shins.
As the dictionary puts it:
"To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures."
I usually consider it "flirting" when a guy shows more interest in me by spending more time with me, playfully touching me here or there, making eye contact, or just things along that line that they wouldn't do towards someone who they are not interested in in more than a friend.
But of course, as you put it, everyone has their own definitions and meanings to the words. What you consider "flirting" may not be to them and vice versa. It's complicated but I'm sure you'll know when someone or you show a mere interested in someone more than a friend.
@Mr_A@xanga - ha! i remember doing that...i don't even know why we did...crazy little girls.
i think there's definitely a difference between how girls view flirting and how guys view flirting. it's something that has to have intention behind it.
some people are pretty oblivious to flirting. i know i am.
Flirting can be so open to interpretation, depending on how you see something. Many times I've been told I was flirting when I laugh and make jokes with a girl. Hey, sometimes I'm just a happy-go-lucky guy!
i have stopped all attempts of understanding how my definitions of flirting means to others. I treat my guy friends similarly to how I treat my girl friends. Sometimes I think I 'flirt' more with my girl friends (ie. draping my arm over their shoulder, snuggling on a single chair, etc) than guys in general. But when I'm being friendly toward a guy, it's often "omg you're flirting!" but I could have been just "chummy."
It's flirting to me if our topic contents entail lots of comments that are clearly not platonic: "so is this flirting?" *add action that's more than you being chummy/friendly. But who gives a crap really?! It all changes from person to person, and how can it be universally agreed upon when SO many ppl exist? Apparently I FLIRT when I touch the guy's elbow or I hit them (not violently,duh) or fix their collar or touch their hair. I think so? *shrug*good luck in figuring it out and let me know when you do! lol
The world of actions... very confusing indeed...
When it's serious..I flirt by words..eye contact..my body movements..
Such as, I would get your attention..Look at you in the eyes& smirk or smile sweetly ..tilt my head to the side..
And then look away. Or I can wink..
But that's only if i'm interested.
Otherwise, if i'm flirting - fucking around -
I'd be making jokes like crazy. play with you. or play the game of 21 questions. HAHAHAHHAHA.
or be hella sarcastic..
I think it gets to the relationship level when you've both established you have feelings for each other.
Flirting just initiates things.
I don't think there's a general definition of the word flirting, of course, besides the obvious flirting, eg, touching, hugging, laughing, eating (insert another verb) with each other.
Other than that, it can go from just smiling, look at another person, or just make a small laugh at someone's lame/dumb jokes can be count as flirting.
I can never really distinguish, I just always thought I was being friendly.
Well, I guess it doesn't really matter until (if) your SO gets upset with your actions, or send the wrong message to someone else.
yea i can never tell when i'm flirting, yet my friend used to tell me that i did it all the time. really? i thought i was just being friendly! i guess she was right though, since just about every guy in my class liked me haha.
i feel like people who think there is a clear-cut definition of flirting are the ones who think girls and guys can't just be normal friends.
@black_lie@xanga - and the ones who think girl and guys can be friends, are apparently oblivious to the opposite sex. You said it yourself. They all liked you. To you it was just friends. To them, they wanted it to be more.
@TheDumberScott@xanga - well, there were also only four girls and 20 guys in our class, and it was high school so hormone levels were high, so it was pretty inevitable i think. anyway they've all gotten over it and we're all still really good friends now.
i actually don't have many female friends at all. it's easier to be friends with guys. so i wouldn't say i'm oblivious to guys.... just not aware when they like me.
@black_lie@xanga - well, yeah, that's sort of what I meant. It's nothing against you, and it's nothing againts guys. But it's inevitable that if a girl shows attention to a guy (especially if she is moderately attractive), I'd say a good 80% of the time the guy will develop feelings for the girl. An evolutionist would tell you that it's just how guys are built. To like as many women as possible, while women like as few as possible.
But even if you think your guy friends are over it, I guarantee at least half of them still have some sort of feelings for you. Even if they're on the back burner, and tell you they don't. Especially since, as you said, you're a guys girl. That means they can keep all their friends if they date you, and that you're more likely to accomodate football watching and video game playing.
It's every guys dream. In theory, it means that every guy wants a girl like you. In practice, it means that every guy you know wants specifically you.
My wife was the same way. Almost every guy friend she had liked her, including me. But none of us ever made a move. We were happy to be friends.
I hate this, it drives me crazy! You can never really tell what the other person is thinking... and things can get complicated before you even realize they were getting complicated...
i think flirting is just any fun interaction with someone. so being a flirt isn't really a bad thing in my mind!
Flirting to me is, obvious comments meant to.. uhm.. interest the other person. But not slutty or compromising. It's also touching, hitting, poking, but probably done a lot more often than I would with someone I just consider a friend. I do try to maintain eye contact, and I'll always position myself so that I'm comfortable feeling, but not awkward looking. When flirting, I usually... omit certain details that I would normally, casually toss around with some good friends.
But those are probably just really subtle differences that I tell myself I do... because I'm probably just as lost as you are.
Everyone has their own brand and own type of flirting. Some girls I know just skip the flirting and get straight to the sexual propositioning, some think eye contact and smiles mean a marriage proposal is on the way... bottomline is that I think everyone's generally unique in how they want someone to flirt with them, and based on that, that's how they flirt with others.
i really hate when people think i'm flirting when that's not my intention AT ALL
I always had thought it was more in the intent, versus the method...however, it's always open to misinterpretation.
So I always presume we're just friends, unless I like someone. Then I avoid them like the plague.
Yeah. I need to practice on that.
It's hard to differentiate between being nice and social to being "flirty." I tend to feel guilty for almost ALL of any interaction I have with the opposite sex. So I don't end up talking to them and they prolly think I'm a sexist @#$^. IDK whenever I have tried to be friends with dudes. . .if I try to be friends for too long they eventually almost always try to get on me. So frankly I've stopped bothering. I mean, still, flirting is waaaay different than cheating you know? Even if it's "flirting", sometimes you just feel frisky and you want to be cute. And when you can tell the other person either likes your personality and/or thinks you're cute, it makes your esteem go up. That's a lot different than thinking about going to bed with them. I mean, I might flirt in public, but I'm not going to have intercourse in the same places I flirt in. It's a different mind-set, different situation. Flirting sometimes makes you feel good just mentally. . .while further things affect you on a more physical level.
I don't think I know exactly what flirting is but if it means treating me guy friends the same way I treat my girl friends them hmm..I'm apparently a HUGH flirt-er...lol
Well I guess flirting is getting someone to notice you which ever you think you could.
I am told I have the worst way to flirt.
I give the girl the "Will you just shutup and kiss me already??" look...
oops. hehe :D
flirting is more like you can see someone trying to make the magic happen but in friendships you can just sense a closeness that isnt neccesarily romantic.
flirting for me is being cutesy with intentions of the situation heading down a certain road. holding hands is more pda, than flirting... friendship is more complicated. it includes laughing and arguments, chatting and being emotional, and all that jazz. friendship is a lot of things.