Monday, 02 March 2009
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Why Aren't The People I Like Interested in Me?
When I think of dating, I hardly ever think about myself. I think about all of the people that I've helped with their relationships, how I've been there to wipe their tears and bring up from the depths of hell they have fallen in at the end of a relationship. But despite my experience through others' relationships and even through my own experience, dating is still a complicated and arduous task, partially because I can just never find anyone to date, or rather, no one ever wants to date me.Why, you ask? Not quite sure. I've had PLENTY of men interested me, but for all the wrong reasons, which in turn makes me uninterested in them.
I have been told I am gorgeous, beautiful, amazing, awesome, smart, hot, helpful, sweet, caring and so much more that I can't list them all without it seeming like I'm bragging. I've also been told that part of my beauty is aided from the fact that I see none of the above listed things in myself - I'm a very modest person. But lately, despite my rampant individualism and single-all-the-way lifestyle, I've been wanting (dare I say it) a relationship.
But just as I had a problem getting who I wanted back then (the cause of my rampant single-all-the-way lifestyle) I still have a problem getting who I want these days. Why is it that the people I am not interested in see such wonderful things in me and the people I am interested in only view me as "friend" material? Instead of the age-old question "what do women want?" can we change it to "what do men want?" It's just as much a mystery as the first question.
So I ask, does what I want matter? Do I have to settle to find someone, anyone, and risk not being happy once having settled?
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About the Author
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- From: DamnPoseurs@xanga
- Name: Elizabeth
- Location: Baltimore, Maryland, United States
- About Me: I never really know what to put in these things, don't you know. They need specific sub-questions for the About Me section of this. For example: Do you like Bologna? I mean that right there is just classic and hits it off nicely, don't you think?
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2952 Comments: 0 38 View all posts by DamnPoseurs@xanga
Comments (38)
I hate to ask this... but what are your flaws? Â Could they be the reason people aren't interested?
@methodElevated@xanga - agreed.
maybe you are too modest. or they think that you are just being nice--too nice. [shrug] if you want someone, go and get them. don't let them see you only as friend material.
@methodElevated@xanga - Probably. There's your answer
Of course what you want matters. Don't settle, you'll later regret it. Depending on your standards it may just take some time to find what you want. Good luck to you.
I wouldn't settle if you already know what works and doesn't work for you, although you may have to be a bit more flexible with certain things. Nothing wrong with having standards. Just gotta accept the downside that it will limit the fishes in the pond. I can definitely relate to the frustration you're probably experiencing.
Well, for one, kudos on knowing what it is that you want in a person. It seems that you have a good idea by this post. Though, you may have to be more flexible - as someone has already said. There are things that are really important to you, that you should hold onto, and then there are things that you can afford to be lenient with because them not being that way wouldn't bother you so much.
As for them not liking you, there's got to be a reason, and as the first commenter said, there's gotta be flaws. We know that you're smart, hot, fun, etc from this post, but obviously you've got some undesirable qualities otherwise everyone would be chasing after you, am I right?
So, try to figure out why it is that they don't have any interest in you. If those are things that you find undesirable about yourself too, fix it. Otherwise, keep it. You can't change who you are to make others happy.
Don't give up on the type of person you want. That's never a good idea, for many reasons. You deserve to be happy, too.
Well, you see..
The main question you want is ..Why can't he want me like other guys ?
Because - obviously, he isn't interested in you like what the other guys see..you are not what he wants. Thus, it is not mutual..
AND NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE WITH ANYONE.
By far, that's the dumbest shit ever..You know - be patient a little bit..Whom you want probably doesn't ever matter - why?
Cuhs eventually, there will be a guy who stumbles along the way and feels for you do as you do to him..and Love is everything you need.
Whom you want doesn't matter ..
I have this same issue, I know I'm not this horrible person that males can't like, but its never the guys I WANT that want me back. (Wow, sorry if that sounded really pretentious, I didn't mean it like that) I also hate when people say its all about wanting what you can't have.... And thats really not it.
I've been really interested in this one guy since the September and we went to Peru together with eleven other people and we're really good friends and I really like him, but he has no interest in me whatsoever. And stuff like this, is basically my life story. There has never been a situation in which the guy I like actually likes me back. I've only had one boyfriend and even he liked me before I became interested in him...
And I really don't think you should settle, I mean if I was in your situation I wouldn't settle; thats just one thing I always tell myself that I should never have to settle for anything...
No matter how many times I say that I hate being lonely and I hate not having someone, I don't think I could settle because not only is that lying to yourself but lying to the other person and you wouldn't want that happening with you so yeah...
i agree with methodElevated@xanga, but in addition to that... has it ever occured to you that by living the rampant single-all-the-way lifestyle, you are actually projecting that you *don't want* a relationship?
so even those who are interested are thinking, it's too much effort to try and change her mind.
i'm not saying you need to be clingy and needy, but there's a way to be independent, happy, and secure in your singledom without scaring away the boys.
I ask myself the same question...I mean with all the millions of people here in NYC you would think I am bound to find at least one person I like that would like me back, no? guess that's not the case...
What you want does matter and you don't settle for less than you expect or deserve. Happiness is another main key ingredient in a relationship especially if you're going to be settling down with that person... for life.
Yes. I get that sometimes. Being "friend zone" by guys that you are interested in and wanting to have a relationship with them. But you rather be friend zone by them than have them lead you on and tell you later that they're not interested.
Be patient. Seek the one that you are interested in and he is interested back. It's not the end of the world yet.
I was always told not to settle.
Therefore, I will probably die alone.
I have the same issue....I'm so glad I'm not alone on this. Thanks. Honestly, I would not let myself settle unless I am somewhat attracted to the specific guy so you shouldn't either because you've already come a long way to where you are now. Why change it? Just be sure to know if the guy is into you enough and you are into him to give it an OK.
It could be our faults that we are not willing to pick a guy...but at the same time, it's our happiness that matters too. Where is our hero in this drama?
@LadyLibellule@xanga - Haha, I've always hated settling.
But I think EVERYBODY "dies alone". I don't want to get TOO philosophical here, so I'll put it this way: who exactly "dies together" except victims of some tragedy or suicide pact?
Gotta get outta that friend zone.
You my friend are in the same boat I was in. You want a man to think of you are more than those little things, yet they always seem to be the same victims you help out. Looks like until I find that answer for myself, I can't help you. Usually, I just result in dating a cougar or going it alone, till they find out why else they liked me.
But I DEFINITELY understand your situation.
I think everyone has this issue, and I think it has a lot to do with an old saying that I think would fit this situation best. "You always want what you can't have." Maybe, now it may not be the case for you, and its more subconscious than you will notice, but maybe you are attracted to the guys that don't really like you because you can't have them, and the guys that are after you, you are not interested in because you know at any given moment you can have them.
Or maybe you just have shitty luck. I settled for a girlfriend one time, mainly cause I'm the type of guy that would rather be in a relationship than single. But it didn't work out, and since have not settled for anyone, but by waiting around, I finally met the girl I'm with now and it couldn't be better.
Don't settle, if you are as sweet as you say you are then there is a guy out there that will see you for all your beauty and you're flaws, whatever they may be, won't matter.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - I didn't mean people actually have to die together. I meant something more along the lines of having someone there with you when you die. Of course, only half of the people in couples get to experience that side of things; someone usually dies first.
What if the roles are reversed? Like, im a guy, but feel similar to this person.
I feel your pain, I wrote a blog EXACTLY like this. I just don't understand why the guys I'm attracted to couldnt give a shit about me, and the guys I find out are attracted to me, I sorta...couldnt give a shit about them...karma maybe? =/
Don't worry. You are not alone. There are millions of single people out there feeling the same frustration you are feeling right now. It would be nice if everyone has a prince charming waiting by the door ready to take us away, but life would be pretty boring without all that excitement of wondering about if he is the one, the butterflies and all that jazz, right? Figure out what you want in a guy/relationship, and don't settle until you find it. Good luck!
NEVER SETTLE... don't worry; I know EXACTLY how you feel. Â I've gone a numerous dates and started seeing guys I was settling for. It's not better; in fact it's worse than being single. Because not only are you unhappy but even more so you're hurting the person you're with.
And I relate to you with the whole "the guys I am interested in are not interested in me".... it's perplexing I know when other people keep telling you you're awesome, smart and pretty etc... yet you're still relationship-less.Â
It may not seem this way but you will find someone. Til then enjoy yourself and your single-ness... be open to going out, trying new things. Â Instead of frequenting your usual hangouts try other places, meet new people and eventually without even trying you'll find someone. Â Push the whole I would like a relationship thing aside (it can be hard) but you know the old saying a watched pot never boils.Â
I know for me I met my boyfriend randomly at a bar when I was out for my sister's friend's birthday. Â We dated and clicked immediately. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone that night... my only job was to be DD that night.Â
Sounds like me, minus all the compliments, haha. If you settle for something you're not happy in, you won't be in it for very long (unless you're THAT desperate).
I spent like five years teaching my friend how to be a good boyfriend (and person; he was very antisocial--last year his mom even thanked me for all the things I've done for him over the years), and now he's probably been in his first and only relationship for almost a year. (Can you hear the pride in my letters?)
I've been the adviser, voice of reason, what have you, to all of my friends when it comes to their dating lives--and it seems like they always come to me, which is weird, since I've never been in a relationship myself. I've even pointed that out to them, and nobody seems to care. o_O
But yeah, nobody I've liked has ever liked me. So I've accepted that and don't even think about dating and relationships for myself.
But there's no reason you should give up if a relationship is what you really want. Pursue those boys, de-friend-zone yourself somehow. Show them you're interested and maybe they'll see you in a different light.
@FireMapleSong@xanga - lol yeah, good point.
well i guess if it doesn't feel right, it aint right. I guess you got to learn when to cut your losses and protect yourself if not u will end up hurt in the end. You must protect yourself by learning to understand this person beyond the butterflies in a tummy feeling.