Sunday, 01 March 2009
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When Do You Ask What Your Date's Looking For?
When I first meet someone and we get to know each other, I always ask what they're looking for. I'm not asking them to date me or anything (that would raise red flags) - I just want to know what they want in the long-run: no relationship, keep on having fun, or what?For me, I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but someone who I can hang out with non-exclusively for a while to see how that goes.
I mean, hey, I make sure they don't have a girlfriend first so they are not cheating with me on anyone when they make out with me that night (not necessarily do anything else), so wouldn't it be reasonable to ask what they are looking for on the first night?
My friend says it's too soon to ask that. She doesn't bring up that question until a couple of times after she hangs out with them.
So do you think it is too soon to ask what a person is looking for when you first hang out with them?
Or should I wait a few times and don't bring that up until after we hang out a little bit?
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Comments (24)
im blunt i ask ryte away cuz im so not into wasting tyme witha whining banker or sumwun lyke that
As long as you phrase it right, there should not be much of a problem with asking people the first time you hang out with them.
If you phrase it wrong . . . it could sound like you are coming on a little strong.
If it has not caused any real problems for you yet . . . then keep on doing it the way you are.
I say ask away... it's better to be up front about things. I appreciate that in a woman. I'm upfront about what I'm looking for too.
Why go out 3 or 4 times with someone that is only looking for non-exclusive dating when you're looking for a committed relationship?
I'd ask right away...
I'd ask right away but not linger on the subject and only get a general idea of what they want. Otherwise, it can get creepy.
I agree with your friend. I'd wait for a while before asking, because the other person might misunderstand and think I want something more if I ask right away.
Whenever it comes up =) i mean....be comfortable, right?
I don't think I'd open with, so what are you looking for in a woman? right away. Maybe at the end of the first "date" or in my experiences the topic usually comes up.
However, I've been told that I'm "too open" with stuff like that and that I should hold back because women would rather have the secretive type. I don't let it all out there right away, but if a girl ask a question, I don't have a problem answering.
So am I getting two stories? Women want the secretive type or a guy that will open up?
Don't bring it up at all. Why turn it into a job interview? Ultimatum questions that corner a guy like that rarely end well.
It allll depends on how you ask. I don't really see a prob w/it so long as it doesn't sound like you're asking someone to become an SO on that first date--might be too much...lol.
i would ask right away, depending on what kind of personality the person has of course, the more open-minded the person is the sooner, and its the opposite for shy people because everyone is different.
i don't think its weird at all to know what the other wants, and is looking for. your just trying to get to know each other better right? and at the same time satisfy your curiousity haha 2 birds with 1 stone xD
I will ask of course in an indirect way on what you are looking out for in general.
If its not what i m looking out for then move on i guess. Sometimes it matters also which type of guy u are dealing with. It does matter for some men.
hey, if you had to choose between taking the chance to ask or finding out later on that he has a gf, i'd go with the first choice. unfortunately, i was stupid and didn't do that and now i'm stuck with a very guilty guy.
If the subject comes up, you can asked those questions. Sneak them in with out being too noticeable like you're interviewing them. If I'm into a guy I like to asked as soon as possible because I don't have patient to find out if he have a girl friend. I need to know what I'm working with.
On the first date definitely. Cut the bullshit and say what you each want, that way (hopefully) no one gets lead on and no one wastes their time.
wait few times=]
Rather than ask, tell them what u r looking for. casual = "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" or "I don't date" but I would avoid the latter.
I feel it refreshing if a girl is not afraid to ask questions she wants to know. that's just me though.
I think it depends on the mood and how you say it. But preferably, I'd ask later on when we hung out a couple times.
Ohmygawd. D:< I wasn't thinking straight. I thought you meant with friends . . . Lol e.e;; /facedesk.
On a date? By all means, I'd ask them right away.
Hanging out usually probably shouldn't include making out. Dates maybe, but making out with guys you hang out with doesn't sound like an awesome idea.
If it's a date, there's no reason you shouldn't ask that sort of thing. It's just a question.
It's too soon to ask if it was the first date. You should ask after like 3-4 dates.
I mean, hey, I
make sure they don't have a girlfriend first so they are not cheating
with me on anyone when they make out with me that night...
How do you know if they are telling you the truth or not?
Definitely be upfront about it, so you won't waste any of your or his time.
ask when you're in bed.
brutal honesty, everytime.