Saturday, 28 February 2009
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Help Me Understand Why She Dumped Me
My senior year of high school, I became attracted to someone in my class. It took me a while to become straight-forward with her - we would talk for hours online and on the phone, yet when we were at school, she seemed to avoid me. I was utterly confused. She would rarely look me in the eye, only answer in "maybe"s and would only speak in short sentences to me. As an oblivious male, I assumed she was only acting shy with me. I made sure she wasn't dating someone before I gave her roses and a card on Valentine's Day. Prior to V-Day, I called her and she never picked up; the reservations I made for dinner in the city were all for naught. She claimed that her phone was on vibrate, which is BS - she just never returned my call. She told me that she gave away my card and that she hated roses, but I continued to try.
As we talked frequently on the phone, I confessed my feelings for her, because it was, well, obvious how I felt. She claimed I wasn't her type and that she wasn't attracted to me because I wasn't white. Since when did race have to do with personality? I thought it was the heart that mattered, not skin color! Just like the excuse about her phone being on vibrate, I thought that excuse was also fake.
At the end of our discussion; we made it clear that we were friends - nothing more, nothing less. We also agreed to go to the prom with one another, and one day after school she asked me if I would become her backup instead. I was speechless - I asked her why, but she wouldn't respond, so I left her alone.
Now I've stopped approaching her in hopes of her confronting me...but to no avail. We talked on the phone for countless hours, walked home with one another...did that mean nothing? Her asking me to be backup meant that I wasn't good enough or that she picked up something better along the way. Now here I am, trying to understand what went wrong.
Was I being too naive? Trying to look at it in her perspective...was I being a creeper?
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- From: CharlesParkk@xanga
- Name: CharlesParkk
- Location: New York
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Comments (304)
Oh my gosh, no!
Maybe the flowers and card were a little much.. considering you two were not dating.
The whole skin color thing is a bunch of bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, that should never matter.
She clearly was not attracted to you but I'm still confused about her actions. I don't think a nice boy like you should have to put up with her bitchy ways. She just does not deserve you
and HELL TO THE NO about being back-up for prom!
Um. She didn't dump you. She's just not interested.
If she's white, then she could be following cultural norms, or maybe she knows her family wouldn't like a non-white guy.
It sounds like she has never shown any interest in you; you should stop trying to communicate with her if you are expecting her to reciprocate your romantic feelings.
She's not good enough for you. Don't waste your time with someone who plays mind games. You're better than that.
Ew please do not tell yourself it was your fault. That girl sickens me so much; I can't even see why you'd like such a bitch! She sounds like she's scared of society finding out she's hanging out with a non-white dude or something of the sort. I think you should have stopped talking to her on the phone at all. If you're still doing that stop now! You are not some toy people like her can just play with and then discard. Forget her! You sound like such a nice person and you should hang out with people who are nice. FORGET HER.
One last emphasis on the fact that there is nothing wrong with you; SHE'S the one that has major issues.
first, yes you were naive.. after all the signals she gave you that she wasnt interested.. i think it was a little naive to chase after her. but i dont mean that in a mean way.. you really likd her and gave it your all thats more than i can say for most guys!
second, she never dumped you because you weren't together..
third, i think the race thing is kinda messed up.. but some people just arent attracted to certain types of people..like im not attracted to guys who tan so much there are ORANGE.. hehe.. im sorry bad joke.. but no seriously this *ahem* young lady is not worth your time..
AND if you have any self-respect at all you will not be her back up to the prom and drop this bitch like a hot rock!!!
move on dude. you are clearly sweet and caring and have a wonderful heart! dont waste it on someone who doesnt appreciate what you have to offer!!
get rid of her!
she probably just liked being with you, as a friend. like, she enjoyed talking to you and all, but was afraid of it going into something more.
You're her "rebound" guy. When someone better comes along, she'll push you by the side. But she's also keeping you close incase.. well, incase she needs a rebound guy.
Move on. Find someone who will not make you her rebound guy. And most importantly, someone who will love to show you off with pride to her family and friends.
I don't think you were being a creeper at all. I think what you did for her is cute. :3
But she wasn't into you, that's it. Don't worry too much. It wasn't what you did, she has issues. She sounds like a huge bitch >3> . Because you're not white? Psh.
And back up? Oh, fuck no. Don't even think about it, just let her be. You can do way better!
Lucks.
Oops. o-o Didn't mean to bold the last few sentences. :<
*And back up? Oh, fuck no. Don't even think about it. Just let her be. You can do way better!
Lucks.
SHE sounds like the creeper to me. I once knew a guy like that... he'd talk to me for hours but never in person. It was like he was socially stupid or something. How do you read a person pulling that shit?
Since you're only friends, let her go. She's not even that good of a friend to you in the first place. I doubt she'd make a good girlfriend, being rude, slightly racist, and bad at excuses.
I've always wanted to say this:
She's just not that into you!
I've been on both scopes to this circumstance. I was not happy either way :T
why is everything bold?
trying to get rid of the bold letters...
I bet you can do better than a girl who does not respond to your advances.
Why are u saying she dumped you. yall was never together from the begining, sorry to say that but its true. you have to understand that she is not intrested in you and maybe you should move on because you sound like a true creepy person because you dont seem to get the hint. you would bug the crap out of me if i was her. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!! Its for your own good.
What. A. Bitch.
similar situation here...
its not your fault, its hers, some things just dont work out, even tho u really want them to ;(
you sound pretty intelligent, and it doesn't sound like creepers can self-analyze. i'm pretty sure it's nothing on your part, from what you've described, for a girl to righteously reject you; if it was an action of yours that turned her off all of a sudden, try to find out from her without being too insistent.
in the case that she ignores you and refuses to reply to your confusion, consider her a lost cause. it's not worth your time. keep her as a friend (if that's an option) but don't pay too much attention to her needs--she might pay you more attention then. no girl wants to deal with attention-craving persistent clingers.
hope it works out for you man
You're not a creeper. If you were, she wouldn't even have agreed to go to prom with you. You're at worst a doormat who enjoys the abuse. :) You picked up the signs that she wasn't interested and she even told you herself that she didn't like non-white guys, but because her rejection didn't make sense to you, you used your confusion as an excuse to keep serving your heart on a platter for her reject.
Romance is the same as friendship. If someone doesn't seem interested, ignore them. Which is what you did initially, but you kept going back later to give her another chance to break your heart. When someone breaks your heart on purpose (I'm not saying she meant to hurt you but she honestly said straight out that she didn't have romantic feelings for you) don't give them another chance to break your heart. You're better than that.
well... she obviously wasnt interested, but she didnt have to let you know in the way that she did. i think if she would have just told you the truth from the start, you would not have felt this way in the end, you know? and about the 'not being white' comment, thats just plain racist. its good that you are still friends, but as for relationships, she passed up one heck of a guy, and you dont need to waste your time with a heartless girl like her.
(hmm... this reminds me of the song 'heartless...') love that song!!
anyways, just hang in there. when a friend/lover comes around for a short time, it doesnt mean that they just werent meant to be yours, it just means that they were there to show you something, so dont take it harsh.
when one door closes, another one is opened, and all you need to do is look for that door :)
good luck :)
She doesn't like you. Just b/c you talk hours on the phone doesn't mean there's a romantic connection. Stop imagining things. She doesn't harbor feelings for you. By asking you to be her backup is almost like a huge slap to the face.
Get over it. Move on.
It depends on what else happened, and how long you've known each other to decide whether or not you were at the "creeper" status. But, anyway, when she told you she gave away the flowers and card, that should have been the obvious sign that she wasn't interested. I don't want to rain on your parade, but it might be best to leave those dreams alone.
Her "excuse" about her phone could actually be legitimate. And sometimes, people don't call back because 1. they're busy, or 2. you didn't leave a message asking her to call back. Also, her reluctance to speak with you is kind of a sign of her lack of interest.
Yes, her "only dating white guys" rule is messed up, but that's her decision, and you can't change that.
You becoming her back-up is best for the both of you. She doesn't like you that way, and you can find someone who is better suited for you. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not good enough, only that the two of you aren't compatible.
Good luck!
@LilPumpkin@xanga - Hahaha! Wasn't that movie cuuuute? =]
awe, how sad :(
oh man. that is so sad. If she wasn't interested why did she do that to you? that is horrible. I think you deserve SO much better.
good luck for the future!