I met this guy at a frat party a couple years ago. I know, I know. That alone should have urged me to proceed with caution. Let's call this guy Mike the Ginger. MtG was very cute, especially after a few PBRs. I went back to his apartment with him to "talk" and while we didn't have sex, I ended up staying the night. Waking up the next morning, I was pretty sure I had a long, cold walk of shame ahead of me, as it was February in Minnesota. Instead, I smelled bacon. Mike the Ginger made me breakfast in bed complete with scrambled eggs and some Tropicana. It was lush! After a bit of kissing and watching TV together, he offered to drive me home. I was completely floored.
He dropped me off at the dorms and said he would call me. I didn't quite believe him, because I still assumed that he'd just wanted to hook up. That's all I had wanted originally, too, but I got breakfast and a ride home to boot! Sure enough, on Monday (he seemed to follow the three days rule), Mike the Ginger gave me a ring asking if I wanted some company and a homework buddy.
I certainly did. That Wednesday he invited me over to his place to watch a movie and asked me to go on a formal date with him on Friday for sushi. The date was perfect and we had a great time, even though I was starving afterwards because sushi really doesn't do it for me. He told me about how he'd be applying for medical school next year and I told him how I was going to England to study abroad in September. Typical first "real" date dinner conversation.
Well, Valentine's Day was a few short days away. Obviously, he asked me out and we went to our mutual favorite burger place near campus. (College students, guys...we have no money). A mere two minutes into our conversation he says, "So if you're going to England in September, where does that leave us? Would you consider staying here to save our relationship?"
Whoa, put on the brakes there, Sparky! We've been on a few dates, but there is no "relationship" here to speak of in a way that would throw off my entire plan for next school year. I basically said that September was really far away and I thought dating for a while before I go wouldn't be a big deal. Suffice it to say, he was pissed and suggested at the end of our awkward meal that we split the cost for dinner. How romantic and in the spirit of V-Day. A clinger and a cheapskate...HUGE dealbreakers for me.
Have you ever been caught off-guard by someone who wanted to get too serious too soon? What was the situation and how did you get them to back off? Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, did you dig it?
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Comments (46)
Ugh yes! The guy that was supposed to be my rebound after getting out of a really serious relationship. Said things like "when we get married" WTF?! Men!
Hmmm.., wow. I don't think I had dated any guys who wanted to get serious too soon. Most of my relationship was 'going with the flow' type until I met my husband.
But it's good that you let him know your honest feelings and didn't mislead him on. I think this dude really dig you and may probably plan a few dates ahead of time already. But I always think whether you're going abroad or not, in a long distance relationship or not, if both parties want to make it work.. it will work. You don't have to be together locally to make it work. That's just my take on it.
I have had plenty of friends who dug that sort of creepy behavior... Everything was fine until he brought up, "Would you be willing to stay back to save our relationship?"
And even if you WERE together-together, he should have realized that suggesting you to stay back from going away to England would be a huge deal breaker. How ridiculous.
I had a guy that seemed to move too fast for me. After the first date, I wasn't too into him and it took him a while to realize it.
@jeezshoua@xanga - yeah i agree with you. i obv. wasn't too into that guy, but I'm now in an LDR with a boy I met on my trip to England! It's working out really well.
that's unreal...
Well...I don't blame him for wanting to split the cost.
I swear. Turn OFF when they act like they can't live without you...and I find it silly how you've only known each other a while and they start feeling they you are meant to be and then without ever establishing that there is something they get butthurt after the truth.
This guy prob. thought the definition of dating means girl+boy+going out=relationship ^o^ and boy+long distance girl=byebye hahha
On the serious side, even if you guys are in a relationship he shouldn't try and stop you from going. If he is serious about the relationship and trust you then he would even support you.
Haha, maybe you're just too charming for him to hold off on the falling-in-love option. It's kind of unreasonable to expect you to step on the brakes and throw away your educational plans for a guy you barely know. But anyway, it isn't like you couldn't have made the long distance relationship work. If he was really serious about you, and if you were serious about him, as well, something could have been arranged. But his flash of temper doesn't sound like it suits you, according to your reaction, so it might have been best that you saw this side of him.
Wow, that's too clingy, too fast.
tell him you've discovered a part of yourself you did not know before.. and that you're switching teams.
hahahahahhhhaa.
I dealt with a guy like this..cough, i mean like..plenty.
Slowly, just try to break away..and then tell them.
Oh, WOW. That is CRAZY. Yes, I've dealt with clingy guys. I either tell them it will never work, or, I ignore their existence.
why not just call him Mike?
@rachel - That's awesome (I also commented you on your blog on your personal page).
I just think it's ridiculous when anyone's significant other try to put the other one's career/dreams/plans on hold just to "save" the relationship because they don't believe that a long distance relationship can work. I guess that's where all the trust, communication, hope, etc. come into play.
I actually know this girl who her bf wanted her to stay with him rather than going to study overboard (something she had always wanted to do) because he thought if she went, their relationship was going to be doom. At the end, she chose to go because obviously, if her bf had really care, he shouldn't be stopping her from doing what she had always wanted to do - go study overboard. I think that's just selfish.
OUCH. Sounds like you both got burned. Him in his heart and you in your unsuspecting wallet.
Hahahahahahahahh. What a desperate and cheap bastard.
I had a clingy guy before, good thing i end before anything else happen, although it was really sweet, it's just not the same.
you should get the hell away from the guy hahaha
LOOOOOOOL. You should've just told him that you simply wanted to hookup. What is with us men and our clinginess??
Clingyness is a HUGE turn off. People need to slow the hell down! Seriously! I find a guy who is busy doing his own thing far more attractive than one who is all up in what I am doing.
Yikes.
haha i've had a few of those... the ones who would try really hard when i didnt really want to.. iono..
@writingsongsforBlair@xanga - I wondered the same.
@mayanao@xanga - haha, same here
@topic - Wow, he's for sure going too fast. Let him know you weren't even close to that idea.
I'm really embarrassed to say I'm about to be the one who asks about the relationship too soon.
At least he is caring toward you. If he stops being pissed off, just have fun together while you can!
Why does he have to pay all the time anyways? Haha.
Mike the Ginger (wtf? LOL) sounds like the biggest creeper; I's a good thing you broke it off with him early in the game. People like that can get quite obsessed.
*It's