I hate what I do to boys. I lead them on, then basically shoot them all down.
Scenario #1:This cute boy in my class and I started talking. :) We got along great and our conversations lasted hours. I knew that I would never date him or anything, but I kept talking to him regardless. He was really nice and funny, and he even went out of his way to cheer me up after I took the SATs and stuff. He texted me all the time, and I basically knew he liked me. He asked me to the Spring Fling, and I told him I couldn't go because I had to study for the upcoming AP tests. I honestly didn't want to go with him, but I let him believe that I did.
When I realized he was getting really serious and the flattery, etc. got to a certain point, I knew it was time to ignore him. I basically shut him out of my world. I stopped making eye contact, returning his texts and calls, and pretty much gave him minmal answers. Eventually, he got the picture and stopped making an effort to talk to me. I was relieved.
Scenario #2: I really liked this one boy I knew. :) He was extremely cute and really sweet/nice. I made an effort to talk to him a little and made eye contact with him every day. He was really shy, so it took a little longer than usual. I honestly liked him for like a good three or four months...and I made an effort to even talk to his friends and join the same activities that he did. However, once I realized he liked me back (he gave me a rose on Valentine's Day...that's the first time he admitted to liking me), I stopped really liking him. I'm horrible. I totally led him on, and now that I knew he liked me too, I couldn't like him anymore...I don't know why, I just couldn't. Even when I liked him, I knew that if he asked me out or something, I'd say no. It's easy for me to find flaws in people, so that's exactly what I do. The worst part is that it was really hard for him to tell me that because he's so shy and sweet.
I don't know what my problem is...I guess I just like chasing boys more than the prospect of actually being with them. It's terrible, I know...but I just can't help it. In my mind, while I'm talking to them/leading them on, I'm being friendly. It's not like I'm openly flirting with them or something. This has happened with my guy friends too, but I'm still able to remain friends with them.
Does anyone else do this? Is there a way that I can force myself to stop... and maybe finally get to that relationship stage?
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Comments (470)
Stop yourself when you see things are going the way you don't want them too. IDENTIFY IT EARLY ON
On that note- Thats awful! lol
hey Dr. Evil.
i have a similar problem. i date them for a little bit then decide i don't like them anymore. the only thing is, i have the hardest time ignoring people so i end up with a pile up of guys hitting me up wanting to hang out. uh, i'd suggest just simply not talking to guys for a while. that's all i can suggest.
have you been really hurt in the past from guys? that may be why you're "playing games" now. maybe we enjoy the attention. don't beat yourself up too much. good luck.
Enjoy your life while you can, cause you're going to get karma-ed real bad. Try not to slit your wrists when it happens, but if you do, remember that slitting horizontal is just a cry out for help, but slitting it vertically is really going for it.
Or you can do what most females do and blog incessantly.
Enjoy!
Ohhhh this is going to come around full circle. Ya give that negativity out its going to come back around and most likely hit you twice as hard.
People who do this are the sort of people who turn mild-mannered nerds into gunslingin' psychopaths. Come on now, it's not fair to us nerds and the panicked members of society.
lol... I do the same thing all the time. I break hearts without trying, it's pretty bad. maybe that's the reason why the guys I actually choose to go serious with all end up crappy relationships. =/
Yeah...that's pretty bad.
You probably find the chase more fun, I guess because you feel good about yourself once they like you back. I've done it before, a lot in high school. I felt terrible, too--one of the boys had actually broken up with his girlfriend because he found out that I liked him. A few weeks later, I changed my mind and said it was better for him and I to be friends. I did this to another guy too...he and I "dated" for a short while freshman year, then I got tired of him. In senior year I told him I wanted to try things again, and he said okay. Not even a week passed before I changed my mind!
So my advice to you would be to be more careful in choosing guys and stop flirting with them if you don't think things will work in the long run. Chances are one day the same thing will happen to you, and it won't be nice. I'm not sure how old you are, but I grew out of that behavior once I got out of high school, so perhaps in the future you'll do the same thing. Realizing the pattern is surely a step forward to fixing things.
I used to do more or less the same thing (and now I've been getting back into old habits since my breakup). To me, I just figured I got tired of boys really easily. I love the chase, but when I catch them, the game is up and its not fun anymore. Mind you, one boy did actually keep my attention for quite a while and I fell in love with him. Its just a matter of time. One guy will come by and hold you down.
Do you think maybe you're afraid of giving these guys a chance? Or maybe the fear of getting hurt? So you end it before anything even begins...
That's me playing psychologist here. Don't feel bad. Once you understand why you play these games, you will have a better chance of changing your ways.
I think I agree with the guys who've posted comments so far.
annnnnnd This is how you turn nice guys into future jerks/assholes...I can almost feel the pain of the guy from the 2nd scenario, it's like overcoming a mountain for a shy guy to find the courage to confess his feeling...poor dude...
It's really difficult to do, I know, but you eventually have to get the courage to face the guys and tell them bluntly - but nicely, since that's your style - that it's not going to work out. Your friendliness is your strength, so play with it. Just remember that the longer you let them stay confused by your friendliness, the longer they're going to hurt over you.
If you feel so terrible about it and recognize this pattern of leading them on in order to reject them, then why do it in the first place? I'm no psychologist, but my guess is you do it because it's a bigger confidence booster/thrill to play the game rather than the end result. So what happens? You'll come across someone just like you one day, the one guy who won't give in to admitting liking you, lead you on because you're intrigued at this newfound challenge, play games with you, and leave. And then you'll be bitter and call guys a-holes.
Oh my.
I think it's because you've never really truly liked someone. That boy you liked - I don't think you liked him at all. Oh dear. I'm worried about you. This will come back. :[
It seems as if you have more self-confidence issues. When someone likes you, despite the fact you don't like them, it feels great. It feeds your ego.
But, this seems to be going out of hand; try to find out why you're unsure of yourself - and even if you are.
It's all fun and games til someone gets hurt, right?????
Wrong.
I guess, some of us are looked as "players" and "heartbreakers" for a reason ~
We just like the chase..but it's not right to lead someone on. Just be clear cut out that you aren't looking for something..
In the beginning..bc the more you flirt or do what-not, feelings do develop.
Grow up? I don't know how old you are, nor do I feel like taking the time to click on your profile, but if you want to stop yourself from this potentially hurtful behavior, growing up would be the best way to stifle this. Honestly, picking people up to shoot them down is something my fourteen year old sister does. But you know, you do what you can, and you do what you know. Whatever works for you.
I hate girls like you.
Wow, not to worry... youre not alone. I dont know why i do it too, but it just happens. and i get it when u said "In my mind, while I'm talking to them/leading them on, I'm being
friendly. It's not like I'm openly flirting with them or something." becuz its not like i purposely go flirt around all the guys.. and I wont say we are really leading them on... leading them on sounds like we planned to make them like us when we actually dont enjoy liking them, cuz usually i actually LIKE them (at first), but somehow my feelings are always changing. i dont know if ur feeling/being exactly what i just said, but i think the more they show that theyre interested, the more i would back off and like isolate them and just dont feel the same as before.
and im not saying its right.. i wish it would stop too. and i dont think its really about being mature or not, i cant control who i have feelings for and when the feelings would disappear. and really, i always wish that my feelings WONT go so soon, especially after u find out they are interested too.
"It's easy for me to find flaws in people"
and this, i cant agree more.
You need a taste of your own medicine.
"In my mind, while I'm talking to them/leading them on, I'm being
friendly. It's not like I'm openly flirting with them or something."
Uhhh.. yes, you are. You are flirting with them and leading them on. That's why you're in the situation that you are now.
Maybe you do like the whole ordeal of chasing the guys than actually being with them but you also have to know when to stop and know your limits. There are emotions involved and people getting hurt by your actions.
It's selfish and sometimes, it makes you look like a bitch at the end. It's good that you realized you have a problem. Now you can fix it and hopefully, one day, you can actually be in a relationship with a guy after the chase is done.
Maybe you can go see a professional therapy or something. Some people do have a problem with getting into a committed relationship or just getting into a relationship itself.
Good luck.
Wow. This describes me to like a T. I was thinking about this tonight because I was talking to one of my new guy friends the other night about a situation where another guy friend (who was drunk at the time) asked me out and I said no, but before I said no I was a little friendly about it and I told my guy friend what I had said and such and he was like "oh my god, why were you leading him on like that?". So, that got me thinking because I really didn't even realize it. Usually I do realize it when I am probably leading them on. The second situation has happened to me two or three times though. I meet a guy, I decide I really like him and go out of my way to see/talk to him, etc. Then, once I get the hint that they may like me back, I stop liking them and then they end up asking me out and I end up rejecting them. I feel terrible about it, but you live and you learn. I'm doing better with this new guy I've met and I told him straight up that I can be a little dangerous (as in often I may like a guy and then end up rejecting him) and that I am really not looking for a relationship right now. So, if he falls for me, it's his fault. He talks about all these other girls he's interested in though, so...unless that's some kind of coverup, he's not interested at the moment. Though, if I really think about it, the time that I did do that to those guys (liked them, "lead them on" then rejected them) was my freshman year of college and I recently ended a serious 2 year relationship with my now ex and I was feelng free, but was not ready for any kind of relationship whatsoever...*shrugs* that's really no excuse though, and it's super cliche...
I think I agree with what some of the others have said. Try to realize you're doing it and stop it right when you do!
Well I hope the "thrill of the chase" is worth it to you. You're taking perfectly normal guys, breaking them in half and ruining them for whatever girl they end up with in the future. Girls complain about not being able to find any good men anymore. You come across a good one and decide to pulverize his heart just for the hell of it. Seem fair? Do society a favor and go celibate for awhile until you can figure out what your problem is.
That's quite alright, I do this all the time to girls.
I like flirting with them, and I find them attractive, I just don't want to have a real relationship with them.
I've even had one night stands with them, and just decided to not actually be with them after that. Some girls have expressed their discontent about this, and I basically told them that I was finished with them, plain and simple, and I'm sorry if they're not finished with me yet.
So really, I can totally understand where you're coming from.