Fmylife.com contains short day-to-day life anecdotes. A simple recipe: in one sentence, each site visitor can tell the shitty moment which ruined his day. These short stories must begin with "Today" and end with "FML".
This week,
Cort is picking out her favorite five submissions from
F*** My Life's "Love" section:
Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FMLToday, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I say "So just the one blanket then?" She replies "Those are my pants.....not a blanket." She was a size 56. FMLToday, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FMLToday, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FMLToday, I had the cops called on me because I accidently texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiance, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML
Wanna pick them out next week? Message us and let us know :)
True 
Comments (17)
Hee hee I love reading those :)
xo
Wow, that's awesome.
OMG THE LAST ONE! lol
The last one...and THAT'S why ya gotta be sure ya sent it to the right person. Your buddy would get the joke. You're ex? Not so much...ha ha.
HAHAHAHAHA The first two are definitely true FMLs. That is awful!
I love reading that site. It's hilarious!
Haha I was reading that third one yesterday and literally LOLed. How unfortunate.
HAHA i was reading those yesterday. those were by far my favorites lol
lo l@ the last one.
LOL! The puppy one got me dying of laughter.
That's my favorite site :0)
that is my favorite site in the whole world!
The puppy one is hilarious.
First and last. Hilarious and priceless.
i love that website!!! it always makes my crappy days better
I don't get #4, isn't that where they usually shave anyway?