Thursday, 26 February 2009

• Follow-Up: My Extramarital Affair with A Guy Online

  I am the writer of this post.  I chose to remain anonymous because I submitted the post with my real Xanga username.  Afterward, I created another account to reply to the assumptions that were made from the original post.  

  I have not slept with Pete.  We have only chatted, e-mailed, webcammed and gone out for coffee a couple of times. We have not done anything physical with each other except for a handshake and a hug here and there. We're merely friends with feelings for each other, but we are not holding some sort of official title to our relationship.  

  I have not once said that I was right or that I'm not "owning up to my actions". I know what I did was wrong and I accept full responsibility for it. I do not think that my husband deserves someone "better" because he was in the wrong, too. I don't think most can relate to my situation but pass on judgment on how I handled it. I know it wasn't the right way to handle things, but I will not make any excuse for it.
  

  When we said "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both should live..." six years ago, we heartedly and purely meant it.  Now, times have changed and we are two completely different people from those who stood at that altar to make that promise and vow to each other. Some people just can't seem to understand that and insist that we try to make our marriage work when it was already over and both of us know that we deserve happiness - just not with each other.  

  And again, forgiving isn't always easy as it seems. It was my mistake to tell him I forgave him when I didn't. At one point, I thought I could, but the reality is that it hurt too much to forgive him at that time and I couldn't.

  With that cleared up and answered most of the comments that I couldn't get around to and clarify, thanks to all who maturely responded and advised me on my situation.  Here is the update that some had asked me to update when I had the chance to.

  My husband and I talked about our marriage and we've decided to get a divorce. Truthfully, he had fallen out of love quite a while ago. We both stayed in our relationship because we were afraid to be alone and to face the truth itself. I also confessed to him about Pete and he confessed to me that he still had continued to seek those other women behind my back.  Though parting ways hurts, we both wanted it to end on good terms.

  Since then, I've moved out and am just trying to heal myself from a broken marriage. As for Pete, I also came clean to him. Though part of me wanted to keep him in the dark, I felt guilty. He's a great man and he also deserves to know the truth. After I told him, he was shocked but he also came to accept it. I made it clear to him that I am not ready to get involved in a serious relationship but I would still like to remain friends with him and see where it takes us in the long run. He agreed and he's been absolutely supportive these past few days.

  Note:  I had written the original post a few weeks before I actually submitted it to Datingish, so don't think that I am moving way too fast, either. I had actually been thinking about how to handle my situation for a while now - I just posted on Datingish to get unbiased feedback from people who didn't know my husband or me.  Thanks. 

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