Do you love me?

I wouldn't blame you for being curious but you also have to know that during that time (if she was sexually involved with someone), you two weren't together AND it existed because of "your own stupidity" as you put it.  So, you really can't blame her unless she was still in a relationship with you.

But.

Usually when I want to ask my husband a question or questions when we were dating and married, I just ask away.  I rather than wonder and get paranoid when I'm not even sure of the answer he's going to give me.

whenever i asked my exes questions like those, i used to always get into trouble with the information i knew. lol but with the guy i'm dating now, we've been friends for over a year and just recently started seeing each other.. i know bits and pieces of his past and he knows bits and pieces of mine.. but when i try to ask, he either answers or asks that i dont ask.. and i respect that.. i know that his ex(es) were a bunch of bitches and that he's had his share of fun but he's a good guy.. and the same stuff goes with me as well..

not asking so much kinda gave us a way to start over relationship wise.. i do ask things or even hold myself back but when he chooses to or to not answer, i respect that.. we try to be as honest as we can even if we don't want to share...

like, we're not going out or anything but we said it was okay to talk or flirt with people.. we even ended up telling each other of our sexual encounters before we decided to become somewhat exclusive... and now, we're pretty close (but not fully relationship close) but if i were to ask about another girl (and vice versa), we're upfront about it... even if i feel its a stupid question, he always says to just ask.. or even then.. "i would've told you in the first place"

the past though, is the past... don't trip about it.. she has you now, doesn't she?

If i was you i would just ask her. that way it wont be lingring on your brain any longer.

The past is only important because it's the path that got us to where we currently stand.

Soon after entering my current relationship, I plainly told him where I've been in my past relationships, why they never worked, and some of the things I've done that I regret fully. I did this mostly because my ex had hidden many important things that had happened fairly recently, and I had already been thrown deep into the relationship before I knew of these actions. Many of these things made me feel lied to and that there was a lot more recent things he might be hiding form me, possibly even while we were dating. Eventually these thoughts sent our relationship down a hill, and everything ended badly.

In other words, if it matters enough to bother you, then you should simply ask. Not asking can create doubts that could end whatever you currently have. Finding out later can also do the same and cause a feeling of betrayal.

Questions like these are simply getting to know each other better in a sense.

I would just go ahead and ask her. Why should you be scared/nervous? I mean, she is your girlfriend, and you two obviously trust and like each other right? And you two should be able to talk about things openly without having anything to fear.

I ask my boyfriend questions all the time.

And the worst she can say is, "I don't want to talk about it."

I would just ask her straight up.  Don't even give her time to think about the answer.  Just let her know you want the honest truth that it isn't gonna jeopardize y'alls relationship unless its really going too.  I mean it can't be too hard to know the truth.

I don't think there's ever been anything I've been afraid to ask my boyfriend.  He's open about all the important things, and if something is too painful, he'll tell me about in his own time.

My boyfriend and I share explicit details about our pasts. We know that all that matters is that we love each other and are with the other person right now for a reason. If you trust your girlfriend and love her, just ask for an honest answer and don't be afraid of the response. If you love each other, it shouldn't matter what she says. Good luck!

Communication is vital in every relationship. Your significant other should also be your best friend, and don't you tell your best friend everything?

I have asked my boyfriend about everything in his past including past exes, past crushes, ALL the details. I know more about his love life than anybody else, and it's supposed to be that way. He's my best friend and lover, I should be able to talk to him about anything. So should you and your girlfriend.

Now of course, those details led me to feel insecure, jealous, and all that crap. It's even led to fights and arguments. Chances are her answers will do that to you. But getting through all of that made our relationship stronger. No skeletons in the closet to worry about. Whatever she says, keep in mind that you are what matters to her now. You may not be her first, but you can be her last. (And it's not like you were never interested in other girls, y'know)

It's true that "the past is the past" but the past also shaped us into who we are today.  All the things we thought and experienced and learned before the Now are what make the Now what it is.  I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, you should be trying to find out as much about them as they are comfortable telling you.  I know that knowing the past relationships of the girls I've dated has greatly affected my understanding of their relationship with me.  Everyone has different views and different expectations and different sex drives and different values, different reasons for why the relationship didn't work out, etc. Relationships should be open, honest and authentic.  There should be nothing that you should fear talking about, if you are in love.  Love is a verb, which means that no matter what she says, you should respond with understanding and compassion. I know, for me, not having talked about how I was molested when I was younger, and my girlfiend not talking about how she was molested when she was younger, would have made sexual experiences very different.  Some things are imperative to talk about.  And all things should be fair game.

@xthread@xanga - I think it's probably because she never had anything to hide, haha.

It can go either way, I think. On one hand, you're right--the past shouldn't be kept secret like we're hiding something. But at the same time, do we absolutely NEED to know about the past? If someone has cheated before, that's important to know. But there are other things that come out just to fulfill curiosity. "I made out with my best friend one time in middle school, we're were just messing around." (Not a true story, btw.) That's something that my SO doesn't really need to know, but at the same time it's not a big deal to tell either. It can go either way. We might think we absolutely have to know something when we really don't, and I think that's what my mom meant.

ask and you shall found out... or not!