My ex-boyfriend and I are on rocky footing again. We saw each other last week to hang out; I had one drink, he had two and it was around midnight when we got back into my car. The last time that we were in a similar situation, we had made out and he'd told me later that he didn't think it was appropriate to make out with someone you weren't in a relationship with. So this time, I reasoned, I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had two separate blankets. I sat opposite him and somehow he managed to maneuver himself over to my side of the car and underneath me (so we were kind of spooning). I told him I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea and that I needed to sit up and think about it. I don't know how exactly we had gotten into the position that we did. I even said "make room for Jesus" - HELLO, isn't that a "please think about what you're doing" indicator?
We ended up cuddling for a few hours. It wasn't anything serious; we tickled each other and held each other pretty close. We only kissed once, when I bumped my head and he said "let me kiss it to make it better." At one point, I said (kind of miserably) "this is only drunken cuddling," to which I think he replied "I don't think so"...but I can't be sure about his response.
I dropped him off at his house around five in the morning. On the way back I said, "I always feel bad when I drink and I'm around you because this (meaning making out) always happens. But I had a good time, and we should do it again without the alcohol." When I let him out, it seemed like he was leaning over to hug me, but I merely said, "see you at sch ool on Monday" and gave him a thumbs-up.
Let me give a little background information. I sent him a Valengram (my school has this thing where you can send candy, a rose or both to someone) with candy and a rose and it had the same message as the one he'd given me when we were sophomores. It's what started us dating. Although we'd planned on hanging out, we'd decided to do so before he received the Valengram. I figured that I shouldn't call to make plans because he might think I was hanging out with him because I like him (and that makes him uncomfortable). But I got a text from him on Saturday night - for the first time - he NEVER calls or texts.
I'm really confused. I know I must be sending mixed messages, but so is he. What do you think he wants? What should I do? I've put off calling him because my friend said I should give him some space. She said if he's interested, he'll call me. I've decided to wait until Wednesday night, and if he doesn't call me by then, I'll give him a call (we are really good friends after all). Do you think I should wait to call?
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I say you should just go buy a BMW.
Why did you guys break up? It seems that your still both comfortable with each other (I realize dating is more complex then just comfort) but I think that would help explain a few things. I'd call him.
Your idea to wait before calling is good. But if he doesn't call, go ahead and make the move. You need to talk about where you stand.
Well, do you really want to be with him? Don't date a guy you could not see yourself marrying. -Too often (girls especially) try to change the other person. -It doesn't work. If you don't want to be with him just break it off before to you get even more attached.
don't call. if he doesn't call you, don't call anyway. that's that.
Maybe he wants to call you but he is also waiting for you to call him? But rather yet, I'll most likely call him and see what's up. If he's not game for it, I'll make other plans. If he is, well, that's good!
..and if he isn't interested, he would be hanging out or cuddling with you for several hours.
Tricky tricky tricky... I like to advise you do what you feel like doing...
@jeezshoua@xanga - Very true!
This is why I don't try to be friends with exes. You're either with them or you're not with them. Being in a relationships can be confusing enough at times, why try to complicate things by doing "relationship type" stuff with an ex without official title of "in a relationship". Look at all the questions you asked in the last part of the entry! Either commit and set it straight with your ex or stop wasting time on him.
I'd cut off all contact until YOU'RE ready to say NO the next time he tries to kiss you or spoon you. At the very least, even if he IS sending mixed signals, your emotions won't be as mixed up. GOOD LUCK!
We're just totally setting ourselves up for another heartache..
You two already been thru this dance and you both know how it ended but if you want to give it another go then go head its not like anyone can stop you any ways.
JUST ASK HIM!
Don't beat around the bush, just get to the point and demand an answer, and think about what you REALLY want so that you can give him a straight answer.
Communication!
ohhh.. how complicated.
I know exactly where you're coming from, except my ex and I did a bit more than making out >_< Your story sounds a little more optimistic than mine, since my ex pretends like nothing happened (and I don't get to see and talk to him that much at all--just random texts and AIM conversations, usually).... but my ex also said things like, he missed being that close to me "a lot", he didn't think it was just hormonal... it wouldn't have happened with any other girl (which I believe. I'm the safe bet for him -_-)... all these things to make me think that he missed me, still cares about me, may even still love me... And yet, here I am, giving you this bit of advice over Xanga.
Please be careful, whatever you do. Guard your heart--I don't know if either of these situations are going to turn out romantically or happily, but I do know that if it's worth it to you, then take your time thinking this one out, make sure you're CERTAIN before making any decisions, and if you begin to feel used by him... then change something.
Good luck, but keep in mind what immaairheadxl said: everyone who goes through is setting themselves up for a second heartache.
sounds like a friends with benefits situation. if you're happy with it, keep doing it.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - No! Get a Benz. They're safer.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Or he could just be drunk. And likes cuddling.
Anyway, if you don't see the potential of this relationship lasting, don't go into it (unless you're not the long term type, then by all means go for it and have fun). I must say, learn from the first mistake that led to the first breakup. I don't think you should call. It gives him the upper hand.
Mmm. Why did you two break up in the first place?
I had a smilar case like this. Do whatever you feel like is right. But the "drunken cuddling" sets me off a bit.
You should marry him.
@karmaprincesa@xanga - Maybe buzz but not drunk. If he's drunk, he'll be knock out already. lol.
You're both sending mixed signals. Sit down and talk with him in a sober state.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - BMWs have tons of cuddling room, so I have to agree. BMW for the win.
As for the actual situation, it depends on what you want. Are you wanting to get back with him? Are you wanting a long relationship? Your first time around failed, why? Take that into consideration. If you don't want to be anything more than friends with him, the best idea would be for you to stop sending him signals. Just watch how you act around him and don't lead him to think you want him. If you do want him, however, talk to him about it. Waiting to call is a good idea. If he wants to talk to you, he'll call you.
I think you shouldn't call, period. Make HIM come to you. That's probably why he's been coming back around in the first place. He likes the challenge you're presenting. You are showing that you have self-respect and pride, and that you aren't too easy.
You guys are broken up, right? So just give him space. It sounds like too much drama to deal with anyway. If you want to get back together though (for a reason other than "It'll be okay to make out and cuddle") then TALK to him.
First, you need to figure out what YOU want. Do you still have feelings for him? Do you want to get back with him? Once you figure that out, you can actually take charge of the situation, as opposed to sitting there wondering what everything means while pulling your hair out.
okay, i'm in exactly the same dilemma! what is it with all of us that we act this way w/our ex-es? :( is it just because we're comfortable w/that person and when we're both lonely and need some loving it's convenient and easy to get out of afterward?
blah.