Wednesday, 25 February 2009
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My Parents Don't Like The Guy I Met Online
I'm only 16, but I'm positive I've found the boy I want to spend a long time with...and I found him online last March. It may seem crazy and hard to understand, but it's mine and his life and after all we've been through, it would be hard to ever leave him.When I met him, I had no idea what I was getting into. Yes, I'd had crushes before him, but for some reason, nothing felt that strong. Despite his living over a thousand miles away from me, we had a connection that was unlike any other. We seemed to understand each other and we could talk to each other easily. We both admitted to liking each other a lot. We text messaged each other nonstop and we talked on the phone to each other a few times before the tragedy of our relationship occurred.
About a month after we confessed our attraction to each other, my parents found out about us. Both of them had little or no concept about how my guy and I felt. They were both strongly against my relationship with him. They blocked all communication with him by taking away my computer and my cell phone, and they monitored my every action. I was devastated and so was he. We both thought, how could this happen to us when we barely started our life together? We couldn't talk to each other for over 3 months, but then that magical day came on a hot August afternoon.
I was talking to a close friend who knew what my boyfriend and I had been going through. Somewhere in the conversation I brought up how I missed him and she said, "Oh, he's still crazy about you. I was just talking to him on AIM." So, I signed on to AIM and there was his screen name. I was so happy and thrilled to finally talk to him again. I really did miss him with all of my heart.
Months and months have gone by since then, and I still talk to him no matter what my parents think. He's amazing, sweet and sensitive. He knows how to respect me and how to make my heart melt - top qualities I look for in a guy. No matter what my parents think, I am surely not giving up on this guy. He's the best thing that has ever happened in my life and somehow, I'll find a way to be with him. Neither of us wants to give up the battle for our love quite yet and I don't think we ever will. I believe what we have is stronger than what anyone my age has ever felt, despite the distance of exactly 1,695 miles - yeah, we counted.
Do you think what we have is real, despite the distance? Do you think we'll ever make it and be together?
Is there hope for my parents' ever accepting us?
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- From: itsalovestory0x@xanga
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Comments (108)
They aren't going to accept it until you're old enough to leave their house. Face it, hon, you're 16...and being 16 doesn't count for shit unless you're legally emancipated from your parents.
There's a chance that you might be able to keep it alive, but two years is a lot time to waste on a maybe that's 2,000 miles from you.
Why are your parents so against it? Because he is so far away from you? Or is it something about him such as race or age?
As for your questions: is it real? Yes I believe it can be just as real as if you had met in person. I met someone online and we chatted as friends for almost a year before we finally met in person. We were together for several years after that. Will you make it? The odds are against you, its hard enough having a long term relationship with someone in your city. Your parents acceptance? It depends, maybe if they meet the guy and he proves to be a good guy. I wouldn't hold your breath though... my ex-gf's parents were the ultimate downfall of our relationship, the never would accept me.
Good luck.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Well, we'll see. I was 16 with a girl online, and once my mom met her, she accepted the relationship.
But I think for this one, she need to know that what is online is online. Just wait till she sees the side of him he can't really express online.
It might be real, it might not. You never know until you spend a good deal of face to face time with a person.
Your parents probably arent ever going to accept it because you met him online. They're probably afraid that he's some creepy fifty year old child molester and even if he's not, there's no real way to show them that. They're not just being strict, they're your parents and they are worried about your wellbeing and they always will be.
Personally, I'd say to find someone closer to home. What good is a boyfriend you've never even actually met? Long distance relationships are incredibly hard to keep up, even if you do love a person.
You are only 16 years old. If you've found a guy THIS great so early in your life, then whats to say you won't find an even greater guy later? Let me tell you now that you will. You don't want to chain yourself down so young. You don't even really know the guy. Youve never seen his face, or spent a day with him. You don't know the little things he does that would drive you insane. You don't know all the issues he has, and how they affect his life- and how they would affect yours.
You don't have to admit it but I think you already know deep down that your parents are right. They are much older, and have much more life experiance than you. This is when you need to trust them. You're going to miss out on so much. Don't throw away the best years of your life to some guy who is honestly just words on a screen.
You're 16. To put it bluntly, you don't know anything yet
Your parents seem kind of strict, but they're only trying to do their best for you. I know it seems unreasonable, but like I said--you're 16. To parents, talking to a guy online and falling in "love" with him is not so much romantic as it is dangerous.
I won't automatically say that it's fake or that it's not possible, but you have to make sure that you're not putting too much effort into this. It's so much more worth it to live life and experience love outside of your computer, in my opinion. Personally I think you're too young to be getting so involved with someone, and in general I think it's a little too much for anyone to fall so deeply in love with someone they've never met in person. Don't give up too much of your heart and time so early in the game, but if you think that there's a chance in the future, keep in touch with him.
well Ive done LDs,(2 years) but they are very hard... Ive been with the guy Im dating now scince I was in highschool at about 17, so I think its possible...but considering youve got a long time before your parents will let you meet him. Thats 4 years of internet and phone only.... as much as I hope for your happiness..I just dont see that working. My bf and I took a year break because the distance killed the relationship after a while.and he moved closer.
Nope. Too young. Never met. As much as you might think you know him, you don't until you really meet face to face. As others have said, don't chain yourself down. Solely internet relationships are just scary. This really can not be a true relationship until you've met.
Seriously, just be careful. Your parents DO know better- especially with something like this.
The internet is scary. I know. I have had a real and honest to God internet stalker (real as in, tried to ACTUALLY track me down) so my advice is not just coming out of thin air. You just cannot really know the people you meet on the internet even if you think you do. It is not possible. But no matter what, you are way too young to think you've found the one. Way too young.
I don't mean to make this sound mean or anything, but honestly, I've BEEN there. You will be AMAZED at how much you can grow between being 16 and 20. You will be glad you didn't hold yourself back and settling down at such an early age. I promise. Good luck.
I don't think that distance can make anything less or more real. If you two really care for each other, the fact that you aren't in the same town isn't going to make that any more "real". I could go into that a whole lot, but I digress.
Will you ever make it and be together? That depends on the two of you. If you work hard, it can definitely happen. If you two care about each other enough, then yes, you can definitely be together when you get old enough to do things on your own. Again, distance isn't a factor that can determine this. The only thing that determines whether the two of you will be together is, well, the two of you.
Any hope for your parents accepting you? Yes. Once they meet him and talk to him for themselves, there's a high chance that they might actually like him. I figure they just don't think the relationship will work out, so they're trying to keep you from getting hurt. You can prove them wrong there when you two actually do get together. Then they won't have anything to be negative about in that area.
While everyone keeps saying "you're 16", that really doesn't matter. You know how you feel.
Your parents will probably not accept it, not anytime soon.
I will, however, share MY story. I met a guy online a few years ago. I traveled about 7 hours by car to see him for a weekend and it was very worth it. We dated for a little while, but ultimately ended up best friends. We're still very close now, in fact he is coming to see me this coming weekend. My parents love him. But I got lucky.
I also met a guy online around the same time as B (my best friend) who winded up stalking me for two years.
Meeting people online is not an easy thing to predict. Just be safe.
To be fair, at 16, I thought I found "the one." I thought I was in love with him. But reality is, I only thought it. I didn't know. But despite how old you are, I think there's different level of love. The love you feel now may not be the love you will feel and experience when you are older.
What you two have could be real or it could just be the connection and emotions that you two experienced over the internet. To know that you can really love and be compactible with a person, you have to meet one another in real life and experience how it is first handed face to face. It's quite different over the internet and when you do meet each other in person.
I'm not a parent but I do understand why your parents did what they did. There are plenty of predators online pretending to be someone they're not to catch an innocent victim. I do believe that your parents will accept you two in the long run if they ever get to meet, get to know, and trust him. But as for now, since you both are still underage, it'll be difficult.
I'll be open minded but I wouldn't commit myself to a person whom I haven't met yet.
you're 16. It ends there.
Well, you're only 16 years old..So for now, pretty much what your parents say, goes. Unless you can get them to change their mind on the whole situation somehow.
As far as can what yous two have survive the distance? I think it could..but I think it's important to meet in person before anything too serious gets started. I'm in a long distance relationship right now with a guy I first met online. I met him online years before we met in person (like 5 years, but we just talked on and off). We started talking more and more often online and on the phone about 2 and 1/2 years ago. We both liked each other but we wanted to meet to make sure we felt the same way in person. So, he drove to see me and we both were what we were expecting and things have been going great since. We've been boyfriend/girlfriend for over a year now and he comes to visit once a month. I just think it's so important to know the person offline before you get too involved. Yous might meet and maybe aren't what each other expected all this time.
So, yes I think it's possible for things to work out good for you but it just takes time and patience. Good luck!
Honestly, you're only 16 years old and you've been talking to a guy online whom you've never before. People are different online. It's very easy to say a sweet word or something nice because you have time to think about it. You've never seen his physical mannerisms or how he is in person. Honestly, just give it a rest for now. I wouldn't push it as far as calling him your boyfriend and to go against your parents for a relationship that's almost 2000 miles apart with a person you never met is a little bit silly. Why don't you focus on something that's in a closer proximity to you. Otherwise, good luck with this situation, I guess.
When you're 16, you think you know everything and nobody can tell you different. You'll see when you're older that you're not as mature as you think you are (but you won't believe us old fogies until then).
parents are gonna be parents. their job is to protect you. they're simply doing what they know (or think) is going to leave you in a better position. but hey, we've all been through that stage. the teenage rebellion and angst. looking back, it's stupid, to say the least.
one thing is that some parents are just biased for certain reasons....race, religion, etc...find out your parents' reason for their disapproval. hopefully, it's just to protect you from a possible internet sex offender and not because of a simple difference in culture. dont just shut down communication with them. ask questions calmly...either way, you're 16 and they're your parents. what they say pretty much goes. all you can do is try and convince them that this may be a good decision.
as for the distance. it's difficult, but it can work if you both want it to...
@LadyLibellule@xanga - absolutely agree.
and i'm 17, and even i can see that i don't always know better.
Parents are always gonna want to protect you, shield you from a lot of things. One day, you'll appreciate it.
You're only 16. (You're probably argue you're old enough.) Yet, we've all been 16. We know how it was like.
We really can't judge what kind of person he is, just from the internet. But be very careful as a girl, you're more vulnerable than you think.
Who knows if the two of you will work out. But my advise is that it takes more than just having attraction and saying "I like you" for a relationship to work out. A relationship cannot be taken on its own without considering other factors, like two different personality, different backgrounds, different cultures, and etc. It really takes two people after seeing each other, spending some time to get to know each other to find out. That is to say, sparks might fly with words but it might be so in real life.
Reality: Nope.
I understand completely though, I was in a LDR for a year and 6 months. He was my other half. We connected amazingly. The distance eventually was too much for me, I thought I was holding him back, so I explained how I felt I was slowing down his personal growth and split with him. He hasn't spoken to me for almost three weeks now.
dude. you're 16. what the hell do you know? no offense. but, i've felt that way too and it's really premature thinking that will lead to heartbreak and eventual scarring.
people keep saying "because you're 16" but if you know how you feel then go with it. No one can tell you what you can or can't do or feel how you should feel.
Sometimes people in real life act differently online, hopefully this guy acts the same in real life ;)
Parents will be parents. They just want to keep you safe. But they'll get used to the idea eventually.
I wish you the best of luck!
I don't want to be a killjoy, but you are only 16; you said so yourself. If you look at it in your parents' perspective, would you really be okay with a 16 year-old talking to, basically, a stranger that's ~2000 miles away? You might say you'd be okay with it, but it might be your turn to make the call one day, and you might freak out, too. The thing is, it's hard enough for legal adults to keep a long-distance relationship strong. No offense, but there will definitely be more growth and maturation in store for the both of you in the coming years. Things could change. Also, you haven't met him in person. Usually, cyber affection isn't the same as personal, in-your-face type deals. Sorry. I wish you good luck, though!
You're 16!! Go have a life before you share it with someone else!! If all your stories begin with "My boyfriend and I..." what will you have if the 2 of you are no more?
no offense to any of you, but i don't think any of you have been in our shoes. we've been through hell together and we plan to be together forever.
we plan to go to college together and let my parents get to know him. i fell for him hard, and we're way more mature than any of the other people our age that we know.
he's smart caring loving and sensitive. he knows how to charm me and he knows exactly how to make me smile.
i love him and he loves me and no one can change our minds. 16 or not, i'm ready to be in a committed relationship and i know the consequences of this, and i think he does too.
hard to judge. Â you're 16. Â one in a million miracle?