(
original post is here)
So here's the update: they broke up. Turns out he was really upset about it and she really just wasn't ready. Well, she gave him the ring back and he broke up with her. It wasn't pretty, but I think he did the right thing (for lots of reasons I won't get into here; they weren't right for each other).
Several people commented on the purpose of a promise ring. I personally am not a big fan of them - I think they're unnecessary. I know multiple couples that got them while they were still in school (or at least one of them was) because they didn't want to get engaged until they had both graduated. Once you are both grown and graduated, I really don't see any purpose to them at all. However, if I had a boyfriend right now and he bought me one, I would wear it til my finger turned green (can black people's fingers do that?).
Recommend
Comments (28)
Well i suppose its a nice way of showing one's affections without popping the question.
So you dont see the purpose but you would wear one...
me too.
At least they realized they weren't right for one another before it went too far and they ended up in a loveless marriage.
Well at least he got out of the relationship before it became really unhealthy. I know if i was given something like that i would cherish it. Some people just don't appreciate anything anymore =[
I only had one guy who gave me a promise ring. It was because a) I was still in HS and b) I was nowhere ready to be "engaged." Though we planned it, it didn't work. Sh*t happens.
I'm glad your friend and her found out now that they weren't made for each other. Rather now than later.
promise rings scares me. especially when given early in the relationship.
As my teacher likes to say, "Promise rings mean you promise to stay together until something better comes along"
Well.. all right then.
"However, if I had a boyfriend right now and he bought me one, I would wear it til my finger turned green" Hehe, you're so funny.
Another piece of expensive jewelry for me? Sure!
well its courtesy to wear a ring if someone gave it to you, but the meaning of a promise ring is kind of ...well, nothing. ITs a promise to get engaged, really. Its too bad he got upset, I could understand if it was an ACTUAL engagement ring, but hey, apparently he really didnt love her as much as he thought he did if he broke up with her over a materialistic thing.
I have been wearing one for over three years. We are waiting until we graduate to get engaged, but until then we are "engaged-to-be-engaged" if you know what I mean.
I like promise rings, I think they're sweet - and they do have meaning. Though, in all honesty, for me I think it'd make more sense to just get engaged. The ring can be crappy and only cost fifty cents, but it makes more sense to skip past the promise ring and go to the engagement. "Engaged to be engaged" is a pointless phase. For some people that's a good idea, for me.. It's not like being engaged means you have to get married in a certain period of time thereafter.
Not needed, but cute purpose.
my bf gave me a promise ring after we had only been together 6 months. it meant a lot to me because I knew that it wasn't something he would give lightly. meant so much that I even wore it on my ring finger! which, of course, made everyone try to convince me to take it off my ring finger, haha. I was only 15 years old.(Since then, I've moved it to my index finger, because I'm at the age where people might actually think I'm engaged!) We've now been together 6 amazing years and are happier than we ever imagined. was it because of the ring? of course not! but it is something I can look at every day and remember that even then, against many odds and the warnings of our loved ones, we knew that we had found the love of a lifetime and were committed to that love, as best friends, as bf/gf, and more importantly, as life partners... you know, each other's sole mates and soulmates. lol.
the promise ring is what you make it. but it could be a very nice symbol of together-ness.
I guess it's a good thing they broke up now rather than later. But that's sort of why promise rings aren't necessary...he could have saved money not buying it
It's a nice concept, I suppose. I don't particularly care. I'd rather wait and have an awesome engagement ring than two rings.
And I've just now decided that if/when I get engaged, my fiance and I will both be getting engagement rings
@pillowpixies@xanga - ive been with my SO for 4 years, im turning 20. he gave me the promise ring 2 1/2 years ago when i was 17. im sure my mum would have been THRILLED to have her 17 years old daughter engaged..... NOT.
however, i understand that you were just stating your opinion, and i understand what you mean about not having to marry like a few months after getting engaged, but still. if your daughter got "engaged" at age 17, you'd be thankful she's just wearing a promise ring :)
What I don't get is.... an engagement IS a promise. Engagement isn't marriage. So why have a pre-engagement engagement ring? Why not just be engaged and only buy one ring instead of two? (not counting if they actually get married, of course.) It just seems wasteful and stupid to me.
@AllMyNamesAreTaken@xanga - i think i just answered that above. :)
we've attached such a huge stigma to the word engagement that it seems a big deal because it means you will get married.
for me personally, the promise ring is a symbol of being together without acutally being engaged and being expected to marry.
as i mentioned, i was 17 when i got mine. my mum and grandma would have killed me if i had told them that instead of a promise ring i got a "proper" engagement ring.
but that's just me.
@social_code@xanga - Well, the original post about the guy giving the girl a promise ring wasn't dealing with teenagers, which is why I had the response that I did; I didn't mention anything about age. I wouldn't be bothered about a seventeen year old being engaged, though. That's only one year from being eighteen and being able to do whatever s/he wants anyway.
At least he found out how she felt now rather than somewhere more dramatic like when he was down on one knee or at the alter.
I'm pretty sure your finger can still turn green even if you're black :P
I saw that one coming.
I think promise rings are not for everyone, but I definitely see the importance to them. If you have one, it symbolizes that your relationship has the intention of going somewhere, that you're in this for the long haul. It's very different than being engaged. I think it's odd when people are engaged for years. Just get a promise ring, it symbolizes to other people that you are in a serious relationship without the stigma of being 'engaged' and the pressure to marry soon after that goes with that. If you aren't ready for engagement but want to take the relationship to the next level, it's a good step.
aww, that's too bad =(
@whitneyxxxx@xanga - i totally agree ;)
Hmm it's a pity that a sweet gesture like a promise ring actually ended the relationship, but I guess rather find out now with a promise ring than with an engagement ring!
@trickery19@xanga - true say!
I had a promise ring. I had an engagement ring. Now I have a wedding ring. I don't wear any of them. I did for a while, but I couldn't wear them working around kids. I always ended up scratching the poor little kids. I'm not working at the day care anymore, but I still don't wear them. I just don't like to. I don't wear anything but earrings. It does bother my husband sometimes, but we've talked about it and he knows I'm not changing my mind. I've also lost quite a bit of weight so now they are very loose. It's just a piece of jewelry, people. It's not like the ring makes the marriage. The people involved make the marriage, not the piece of jewelry. If you are going to base your relationship on a piece of jewelry, then you've got issues.