It was definitely easier to hang out with anyone when I was single. I wouldn't come upon any problems with my boyfriend about who I shouldn't chill with. Now after we've communicated about it, he says he doesn't have a problem anymore. I can hang out with whoever I wish; "just be careful", he said. I never had to be given permission to do whatever I like from a boy when I was single. But now, even if I do hang out with girls/guys, I sometimes find myself wondering about what
he's doing, what he's thinking, what he might say when I come home. When I was single, I could care less about anybody else.
I'm a creature who constantly desires freedom - free to do whatever I wish, free to be wherever I want.
But I am also a hopeless romantic - when I'm in love with the right person, it's hard for me to break away from him. I will put his wants before my wants, happily.
So I'm in this relationship of 17 months and I've recently been reflecting on my single life. I did a lot more things when I was single - I shopped more, partied more often, and made plans with a variety of people to do random, spontaneous things. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend, and my social life is bleh.
Is it possible to have the same things in a single life while still being in a relationship?
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Sure it is! I find things to do with my boyfriend that he and I both enjoyed doing when we were single. It gives us a chance to learn more about one another and we still have fun!
Yes... but only if your partner is willing and equally enthused. Otherwise, you may as well kiss the fun times goodbye because, after all, you can do those same things without your partner's involvement - I know couples that do that, even to vacationing separate - but you lose closeness that way, resent your partner's absence, or miss him, or worry about him, associate all sorts of negative feelings about him not being there, and sooner or later the relationship will just cool down. So best to do together or not at all.
when you go into a relationship, you have to constantly be taking your SO into consideration with the things you do. depends on the person you're with as well, and how sensitive and needy they may or may not be. if you like/love them, ideally the sacrifices you may make shouldn't matter. it's not as serious as marriage, but you should still be a little more considerate of your SO a little more than your other friends (usually). at the same time, you shouldn't feel chained down with the relationship. there should always be a balance between the time you spend with your SO and the time you spend with others, etc. that's just me, though. i guess it depends on every couple, ultimately
I believe that it is possible to have a single life while you're in a relationship. You can still talk to whoever you want and do whatever you want to do. You really do not have to 'report' to your significant other. If you guys trust each other enough to be able to speak or tell them that you are doing what or with so and so, then I think that should be good. I am sure there are times where you're going to be like... arguing about little things but it happens. I believe single life is possible as long as you are not going over that invisible line. (You two are the ones to determine that line.)
Best of luck
-xTeeN
You need to be in a relationship which allows you to feel the freedom you need, when you enter a relationship you need to be able to compromis with one another.
You can still have freedom if you allow yourself too.
"But I am also a hopeless romantic - when I'm in love with the right
person, it's hard for me to break away from him. I will put his wants
before my wants, happily"
I do the exact same thing. I give him all my free time, everything I can. I'm so in love with him, and I always want to see him. I just hope he doesn't get sick of me. But 16 months is coming up for us, and we are both happy just seeing each other than any of our friends.
Yes, very possible. Every couple needs to have alone time to themself, as well as time together. Depending on the couple and the people involved, but generally if you balance the two out you got a great relationship going.
I guess in my case it is something I am working toward. I am usually pretty needy and put my SO's needs before mine. But I am hoping to work toward breaking this habit and have a life outside of that. I'm picking up hobbies and keeping myself busy. Because I know I can drop everything for him more easily than he can for me, which is fine by me. When he comes to me, then I know it's time for us to spend time together. When he wants to do something by himself, I let him and keep myself busy with something else to pass the time. Something hard to get through, but I know I can.
Depends on how your relationship is.
But with relationships, compromise comes into it a lot. You have to think about the other person. So I don't think you can have both unless you act as though you're two independent people within the relationship. I think that can work too.
And I totally agree with you about being single. Cos right now I am having the time of my life with the freedom I have. =] I'm not constantly thinking about someone else, I have the freedom to do what I want, whenever ... and I can focus on my studies too, which is important. =]
i believe you can, it just really depends on the couple.....
my ex and i would do seperate things, it was like we were friends but also boyfriend and girlfriend....untill it got really crazy and stressful it was working, i suppose u should talk about it, every relationship in this life depends upon communication.....
and being single has perks, even if i am bitter about relationships, i don't have to live up to someone else's crap...
If you find out, let me know. I'm struggling with the same thing.
when single, u want to be in a relationship.
when in a relationship, you want to be single. its just how it isi've been having these same thoughts...in order to be able to be more free, i think you have to stop thinking the "what is he doing" sort of thoughts when you're out. i think it really all just boils down to trust.
I'm Dominican, and although i don't want to make a stereotype, i grew up around men who hit their wives often. I know that she definitely deserved that, but i also know that the man that hits me wants to die, lol. There are many other ways to constrain a woman who is smaller than you.
Okay. I was dating my husband for three years (LDR) and practically, I was or feel like I was single during those three years. Though I was in a committed relationship with him, I still hang out with my girlfriends and guy friends but I also know my boundaries when it came to his feelings and our relationship. It's not like I hang out with one of my guy friends on a one on one date or anything. When I hang out with my friends, it's more like a group hang out, so.
I think you can still have the same things in the single life if your partner is as enthusiasm as you are. It just depends on the relationship and how you both try to balance it out. Some of my girlfriends are still living the single life even though they are in a relationship. Others, well, they can't talk or do anything like they used to before because their "boyfriend" don't allow them to. So I don't know. It can totally work though.
No, you can't live as a single any more as long as you are in a relationship. Everything has its pros and cons...
No I don't think you can live the single life while being in a committed relationship. You can't have everything.. if you want a relationship there are things you will have to compromise such as the kinds of people you hang out with. Your boyfriend might not be too happy if for example your hanging out with a bunch of dudes on the weekend. Likewise, you wouldn't want him to spend his free time when you're busy chilling with a bunch of girls.
To simplify it a little, just don't do anything you wouldn't want your boyfriend to do. Expect to be treated the same way you treat him.
So if you still want to go to as many parties as you like, you better bet he's going to do the same thing and you have no right to be upset.
Being in a relationship requires work. It's not easy. You can have whatever you want just as long as the other party is happy. Also remember not to abuse his kindness if he is a little lenient with you. He will associate your freedom to insensitivity and carelessness.
*sigh* classic case of people want what they cant have and have what they dont want. If you werent in a relationship you'd want to be and since you are in a relationship you feel the need to break free. I fully believe that you should be able to have your freedom and independence in a relationship it just requires trust. You just choose to spend all of your time with your bf thus hindering you social life. Just branch out on your own, your bf will just have to understand if he dont then tough nuggies n_n
hmm. i think you need to spend more time apart (which is easily said than done). so u'll still have time to do the things u did when u were single (make random, spontaneous plans with people)
it's important to have ur own life outside of the relationship. (and for him to do the same)
No, sorry, I don't think someone can... at least, I doubt I could. I'm not saying I never will, because I'm still very young, but in the relationships I've had, I always felt like I spent less time with my friends - mainly because they'd find it awkward for a couple to be with them, or that we'd just feel like being together. And more recently, I've been feeling like... if I get myself into a relationship I feel like I'm too trapped, or in something I really don't want to be in. Right now, I prefer single life because, like I said, I'm still young and I too crave freedom - theres too much going on in the world, why do you have to stop now and not enjoy it? Of course, it really, really depends on where you are in your life. If you're happy in a relationship, completely in a loving one, theres nothing more that I could wish for you! Theres something about having someone, but not letting them dominate you. If you have that then, wowza my blooming trouser, you're VERY lucky!
And most importantly, you're a woman - your own person kind of thing, you shouldn't need a man to permit you to do anything. As long as you know where you are...
Absolutely possible.
Yes, I think it's definitely possible. I think it works better if your SO is more like you: desires that same freedom & wants to be independent also. Who says that just because you have a boyfriend now that you have to spend all your time together? Or have to make plans with your friends (or even yourself!) around the times that he's busy so he doesn't feel like you're choosing them over him. Been in that situation.. it's not fun. But, it really depends on the person you are with.
I was just thinking about this today. I love being in a relationship and having someone to come home to every night and getting regularly laid :), but after that I don't know how great it is for your social life.
When I'm single I have to make the effort to go out and then I have so many different expriences. When I'm in a relationship I prefer to stay hom and just be with him.
I love being in a relationship, but it is a lot of fun to be single. I obviously didn't answer the question. lol
@Hallelujah_Haptism@xanga - agreed!
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - I agree with what you have to say, especially with the bold letters part.
This is basically when finding someone with similar interests comes in handy. This doesn't mean that any guy is going to be ok with you doing whatever you want whenever you want with whoever you want. I am totally in love with my gf and trust her completely. Her ex is still trying to get back with her and finds every opportunity to try and take her out to dinner. I have told her that if she really wants to spend time with him, I won't stop her, but I'm honest about not liking it. I'll never forbid her from doing anything, but I don't have to like it either.