I'm only 22. I've barely been alive two decades. I've only dated
(maybe) six people. I've only seriously loved two. I think I've only kissed ten people in my life. Everyone I'm closely associated with is my age, give or take a year or two. My best friends are younger than me.
Tell me this, Datingish Gods - WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE GETTING MARRIED AND POPPING OUT BABIES?
My boyfriend (who is one of the two people I've loved) just texted me:
A girl that I was sort of seeing in high school just got married over the weekend... she just turned 21... weird.
Me: So weird. How the eff do people know who they want to marry at 21? Silly.
Him: And she met him in London and moved there after only being there with him for three months.
Me: Totally cracked out. You know the weirdest people. I mean, I love you and all, but there's no way I could be okay with marrying you right now.
Him: Lol... and moving away to another country to live without having a degree or money.
Me: Maybe it's for a green card. Or she is preg.
Am I missing something? I like to look at all sides to a conversation and relationship and understand where people are coming from...but seeing so many people around me getting married and engaged at such a young age is truly making my head spin.
So help me, Datingishians. Do you ever freak out when you hear about people around you moving on to more serious relationship endeavors?
Have you ever been left out of the "engaged and underaged" or newlywed crowd? How do you keep yourself level and avoid having to feel like you need to keep up with everyone else?
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Comments (86)
Well, at my age: yes. But I'm only fifteen. I do want to get married young, though, I must say.
I have one really good friend who is already married (at age 20!) and a few others who are engaged or in very serious relationships where engagement is about to be the next step. What's even crazier is people younger than me (I'm a junior in college right now) who are already getting married or have been married for awhile. I don't really get it - but maybe that's because I've never been in a relationship where I've felt like I was with "the one". Now that I really think about it, I think I'm about the only single person out of just about everyone I know. People who are juniors & seniors in college are wanting to find the person they will marry.. and so they're all in relationships right now.
This is kind of funny. My brother, who he's probably been dating for...oh I'd throw out a 5 months. Well, they've been "official" for about 5 months, but been "dating" for about 7. They've known eachother since they were in the 8th grade though. But I guess that doesn't many any consolation. Now, they are engaged, not only that. But my brother had a baby with another girl, who he was with for two years, but that's a whole different story. When I found out, I was absolutely shocked. They have only been together for a short time, and they are already engaged. NOT ONLY THAT, but they are getting married in JULY. Crazy much?
I've been asking the same question. Beats me. I know a handful of girls from high school who are now married AND have at least one baby. They are all between the ages of 19 and 21.
I got married when I was 19 turning 20. By then, my husband (then bf) and I had already dated for three years (LDR) and I had already completed two years of college and got my associates.
Though we thought the timing was right then, I wish I could of stayed "single" a little long until tying the knot with him officially.
I thought I got married at the age of 19 was young but I had a few friends who even got married before me (at the age of 15-17). WOW, yeah...
But I never freaked out or thought I'll be the last one to get married. I knew I wasn't ready for it (at that age, anyways). Just be true to yourself. When you're ready, you'll know.
I guess it just depends on the couple and the situation. Sure, it might seem weird in today's society where your 20s are portrayed through the media has a time to party and have as many boy/girl-friends as you can have before you hit 30 and it's suddenly time to slow down and settle, but that''s just the media-portrayed stereotype. Doesn't mean that it has to be the norm.
My fiancee is turning 21 in May, and I'm 23 right now. We've both made the decision that we want to spend the rest of our lives together now. There's nothing "weird" or "wrong" about it, it's just right for us. Doesn't mean it'll be right for you or anyone else.
Short story: everyone is different, with different circumstances. Doesn't make what they do "weird" or "wacky" or "strange", it's just them. Embrace diversity. It'll do you wonders.
Quick question to the OP: when would you say is the "right" time to get engaged, or married?
@jeezshoua@xanga - I think under 20 is too soon to be married - they're usually just out of high school! They have no hope yet and typically of being able to support themselves. They often get married to either a) have sex, b) the girl's pregnant or c) the family of either one "forces" them to get married.
It's only going to end badly: divorce. It's a large reason why the divorce rate is so high now.
I have a friend who is barely even 19 and he's already been married and divorced. It's sad.
Marriage is so, so cheap these days. The commitment aspect to it has all but been forgotten, it seems. :(
Right after graduation, lots of people from my class were eloping or having full-on weddings. Just last weekend I found out my best friend from middle school married a guy she met in May. That means they didn't even date a year before getting married, and she's barely 18. Even worse, I wasn't invited to the wedding!
But I understand that if a couple knows it's right, they're going to do it. If we had it my way, I would have been married to my last boyfriend this summer after four years of being together, and that would have been that. Just depends on the couple.
In this economy, when people are out of work, they now have the time to get married and have kids. When the economy picks up, more people will be busy working, and won't have the time to get married and start families.
And yeah, there does seem to be a schism. You have lots of young people getting married and having babies. But you have plenty of those who concentrate on education and career. These people are well into their 30s, before they get married and have kids.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - It's sooo true. Most of my friends got married because they were either pregnant or was forced to get into a marriage (culturally and traditionally, the older generation still practice that). They usually end up living with the husband's family until they were old enough to support themselves and all my friends, they're still married and popping kids from right to left.
I think it would be really interesting to examine other factors or maybe some sort of actual statistic. This definitely seems to be a growing trend, people getting married young, having planned children really young, having multiple "unplanned" children young, etc. etc. (I say unplanned with quotes due to some specific personal experiences, I've known of several couples where the girl was deliberately trying to get pregnant but denying it the whole while).
I wonder if it's just a natural fallout for our generation to search for love so desperately, these times, growing up in broken households, being surrounded by hate in the media and other outlets. I wonder if it all fits together in someway or maybe the general principle of marriage is changing or not respected in their minds fully.... I don't know, it all really boggles me
@nauticaloblivion@xanga - You might be right. It's definitely a trend that I've noticed, especially since moving to Texas. It'll make an extremely interesting psychology/human interest research project, for sure!
um, mind your own business?
seriously, don't worry about it and do your own thing.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - It's really funny that you say that, I'm actually from Texas.
When your in a relationship your blinded, she might think that she knows him and everything and she might think hes the one. But to be honest...you cant know this till years down the road. I think its pretty crazy to get married or to move in with someone so soon...its asking for a disaster. Don't get me wrong sometimes it does work out...but I guarantee most of the time it does not. There is logic and then there is the heart. Your friend just does what her heart feels like, and not what makes sense! I also dont think you should drop everything for someone else. Manage your life first. People like you are just more logical or experienced then her and realize all the things that will prob go wrong, cause to be honest I'm 22 now and I am way smarter now then when i was 19/20. Not that I was clueless then, I just understand my self better now...I know my likes and dislikes etc.
I'm not bashing anyone who has gotten married early...I personally just think its not a great idea.
You have your whole life to be married to that one person, why rush into it?
No, I don't freak out.
I'm 21 and am, however, a little surprised that some of my friends are already married or getting married.
But really, my mom married at 22, and it wasn't a big deal back then to marry young.
It really depends on what you consider your top priorities and how you manage them.
I know a couple who married last year and she's attending University with me. You just have to make sure you can handle all the responsibilities of being married.
don't ask me...i'm 19 and never gone past a kiss with a guy. i'm not religious nor do i believe in abstinence before marriage. i am freakishly picky and afraid of any kind of commitment. i have an eating disorder and have serious feeling for a guy half of fucking europe away. moving for him seems ludacris, even though i do plan on eventually moving to sweden, and marrying him is beyond the big crunch away.
my twin sister is engaged for like 7 or 8 months now, and i can't even really grasp the gravity of the situation and tell her to break up with her fiancee everytime they get in a squabble (after which my sister doesn't talk to me for a week). seriously...i think ppl our age aren't even mature enough for a relationship, let alone marriage.
i don't even wanna imagine what life is like for muslim girls and what it was like for girls when u became an old maid at 18.
I have so many peers that are married, pregnant, or have children it's not even funny. It wasn't that long ago that we were playing tag on the playground, right?
3 months? 21 years old? That is seriously way too young and the relationship itself is way too young too! Don't sweat it. Just be glad that you and your boyfriend are on the same page.
I just graduated last May.. And I know what you're talking about.
A LOT of people from my graduating class and the 2007 graduating class are married, pregnant/having babies, or in the armed forces.
I'm just sitting here like, "what the hell?" o.O
Well funny thing about that is im in the same position as u! Im 21 and mostly all of my friends have kids, married or engaged. It makes me feel like iam so behind but then i think im almost done with school and gettin started on my career I DONT HAVE TIME FOR ANY OF THAT! I really wanna get my life together and be happy and do things i want before making that big move. What makes it harder for me is my best friend who is younger than me just had a son 6months ago and is engaged. It freaks me out and i keep asking myself should i get married, should i have a baby? or am i too young? dont worry ur not the only one. LOL! Iam too...
No, I'm not freaking out by the fact that most of my
friends, girls and guys are on their way tying the knot w/ their loved ones. In
fact, I'll have four weddings to attend this year, and I’m still feeling
oblivious about it. I'm in my mid-20s, I have a degree, and a decent job (for
now). I only have ONE serious bf whom I love and loves me, I have kissed only
TWO guys in my lifetime, my bf included. I'm rather picky when it comes to
dating..I'm even pickier when it comes to choosing my potential lifetime
partner. So, why rush into marriage when life before marriage is just as
beautiful? Let them do their things, enjoy your youth, fulfill your aspirations
before settling down because only until then, you'll have only family
obligations to handle, the unfulfilled dreams will lead you to feeling deprived..and
that's how divorces among young couples are bounded to happen. That and money!
Some people aren't ready...some people are. My brother and his wife got married at 20 and 19, respectively. She got pregnant two-three months after they got married. They have been married for over three years now, own their own home, have two cars, she is about to finish her degree, my brother is starting his....oh, and besides their mortgage, they are debt-free and living a very comfortable lifestyle. They are even more in love than the day they got married and I think it's amazing. Their maturity with handling money, their relationship and a son is just amazing. They are only 23 and 22. I am in such awe of them!
But then I also know a couple who got married at that age and are already divorced cause they just couldn't handle it. So...I think it's a matter of maturity and readiness. My husband and I were 24 and 22 which I thought was old but, apparently that's still pretty young. I don't mind it.....we were both totally ready and I've loved being married!!! :D
common enough in the South. quite a few of my hs graduating class are married and have kids already (4 years later)....or just have kids heh. i too found out one of my exes had gotten married in november of last year....weirdest feeling ever. sheesh
(also going to four weddings this year...eep)
idk, my ma didn't have me til she was 30, so i dont see what the rush is.
It honestly doesn't effect me much when I hear that someone I know is engaged or anything. It's their life, none of my business. Sometimes I'll think, "It's a little too soon" or "That's a bit silly" but that's about it. I know that I'll jump on the bandwagon whenever it's time for me to do that.