Monday, 23 February 2009
-
Would You Call An Old Guy Friend after Years of Silence?
A few years ago, I had this friend (I'd even call him my best friend, even if he doesn't feel the same way) who was a science-y kind of guy. He would say things to me that kinda made me wonder if he liked me as anything more than a friend. I considered him just a friend, but I did have feelings for him. I didn't act on them, though, because he is about ten years older than I am and lives on the opposite side of the country. While age doesn't really matter to me, I thought it might to him. He once expressed his thoughts on dating someone younger - around my age - and apparently, he was not for it. And just to fill you in, I'm going to be 25 in less than a month, but I was about 21 at the time. After a certain point, I think age gaps don't matter as much, but 21 is not that point, in my opinion.Anyway, moving along. The point of my writing this is that while some people would find the comments he made nerdy - and maybe even awkward or a turn-off - they made me giggle and blush. Here are a few of his greetings to me. By the way, we often talked online, so these were taken right from our conversations, typos and all.
"hello my chlorophyll to my phtosynthesis."
"Hello little gravitational wave that affects my space-time."
"Hello my favorite arrangement of carbon molecules."As you can see, especially in the first and last comments, he sort of makes it sound like I'm someone who he considers at least somewhat important - chlorophyll is necessary to photosynthesis and he used the word "favorite".
He disappeared about two years ago. He NEVER uses his cell phone, so that's out of the question (the number is still active, but, like always, it goes straight to voicemail) and he no longer signs onto any messengers. He has a habit of immediately ending all communication with people he doesn't like, but I couldn't think of any reason why he would suddenly dislike me. It seems very unlikely, but I thought maybe he just broke all ties with me because he figured we were going to amount to anything more than "just friends."
I once wondered if he died. I knew he began experimenting with certain substances and I thought maybe he overdosed on something.
Anyway, the other day, I was suddenly reminded of him and I decided to Google the company he worked for when we last talked - it's an ISP in Oregon. I was feeling curious yesterday and on a whim, I dialed their tech support number. While I was on hold, I was deciding whether or not to hang up. Suddenly, someone answered. The person I'd spoken with said the company hadn't had anyone with that name in tech support in years. I said that he only worked there probably about two years ago. He asked if I knew a last name and I said yes and gave it to him. He suddenly said, "OH, he's in networking." He proceeded to tell me what shift he's working (same as before) and a number to call.
I'm sure he has his reasons for not talking to me and I'm content with just knowing he's still alive; I'm not out looking for a relationship because I have a wonderful boyfriend. I'm just wondering about an old friend. Should I call him? Would it seem creepy if I do? My parents found their friend from elementary school online and they got in touch with him after not hearing from him in thirty years. Is this basically the same idea? Would you do it?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Delphiki@xanga
-
True Lifetime
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 0 Views: 0 0 Comments: 0 0 View all posts by Delphiki@xanga
Comments (53)
Doesn't hurt to try!!
Hmmm... It's worth a shot. If he seems less than ecstatic to hear from you, though, you should just give up. Good luck.
I've been in the same boat because a guy friend of mine cut off all ties with me when he got back together with his ex (now wife). Sigh. You're braver than I am. If you have success, let me know, it might give me the cajones to do something about my friend.
Well... I've done that. I actually looked up an old flame through Facebook... and, shortly thereafter, we started dating again. We are not currently dating but still talk frequently. I think if I hadn't looked him up on FB we probably would've never found each other again. Now, your situation is a bit more involved... I just facebooked my ex, and you obviously went through quite a few more hoops to find this guy. I don't know if he would think it was weird, but at least you know he's alive. I guess you need to weigh the pros and cons - are you looking to restart the relationship, deep down (regardless of your current status with your boyfriend)? Did you just want to do this to say hi? I figure, what do you have to lose - at the most he'll just act weirded out and you can quickly end the conversation. But if it's something you'll "always wonder" about ... then what's the harm? I agree his dialogue with you sounded ... very friendly, but the sudden cutoff was weird. Worth pursuing, in my book... good luck with whatever you decide.
What have you got to lose really? Cept maybe your pride. But seeing as he lives so far away, its not like you'll ever see him in person to really be embarrassed.
its up to you.
I looked up a soldier I had been close to for a while but hadn't heard from in four or five years when I couldn't stand hearing the pastor at my church reading the names of those killed overseas. I was always terrified his name would be in there. I tried an old email address and he answered! I was so relieved to hear from him!
I'd say give it a shot. If he sounds less than enthused, end the conversation quickly and brightly and say, "I'll email you!" If you do and he doesn't respond, then I guess that's your answer.
I would do it.
Do it.
He's on the other side of the country... it's not like you have to run into him after if things turn out awkward.
I have an old friend I haven't spoken to since the end of 5th grade. I've seen him working at the local Giant around my home but have never spoken to him nor has he stopped to briefly say hello to me. It's almost as if he's forgotten who I am, and I guess that is fine. I'm not saying I'm not sorry that we no longer speak; that isn't the case at all. But I haven't the time to fret over a non-existent friendship at this point in time because of other things going on in my life right now.
Besides, at this point, I can't really say I know him anymore or feel like we have anything in common. I've always wondered what could've and might've been had we not lost contact. However, I acknowledge that today's present would be entirely different if we hadn't lost contact and I'm not so sure I wouldn't regret that.
I say give it a shot. What have you got to lose? He's on the other side of the country and you're likely not going to have to face him directly if things turn awkward from it.
Well, the thing is, he was a romantic interest. Your parents' friend was just a friend. It might seem a little creepy, or it might work out. It's really your decision, but you should probably write out a script or something, just to be prepared. Hahaha. Good luck!
Well, why not?
@pillowpixies@xanga - Well, for one thing, I called his work, lol. I have a really good memory and I've run into a bunch of awkward situations where I'll say something someone might've said a long time ago, like a minor detail, and they'll give me this weird look like, "Uhh, what? Who remembers stuff like that?" I remembered where he worked and googled it, but what if he doesn't perceive it like that? What if he thinks, "Holy crap, she's stalking me." I guess he might not come to that conclusion considering I let a few years pass before thinking of trying to make contact, but still... you never know. And the phone number the other guy told me was another number for their company. It's not a direct line, but it's for his department. The guy told me that he doesn't even deal with customers directly anymore, unlike tech support.
I think everyone's right in that I don't have to deal with any awkwardness or facing him later on, but I feel like he might get the wrong vibe and it'll mess up my attempt to reconnect with an old friend.
It looks like everyone who's posted so far doesn't think it'd be weird, so I think I'll give it a shot later. Thanks for the comments so far, everyone!
@Delphiki@xanga - Ah, I see what you mean. I didn't really think of it that way. Well, even if he does think it's really weird, no harm is done; you can just both go your separate ways again. I was actually mulling something like this over a couple of weeks ago, though for other reasons. I ended up deciding that I wasn't going to do it, though. :P
He can either think you're odd for remembering that, or he might even end up thinking that's sweet of you; which should gain you some bonus points. Like they say, you never know until you try. Though, I wish you luck!
I wouldn't do it. In my experience if a guy is interested in contacting a girl for friendship or more he finds a way, and when a guy avoids contact it is because he does not want to talk to her. Not all men are up to explaining things when they walk away and so I just try to let go when they show clearly that they want to be let go...... ~Echo
HOLY CRAP!!! This is a situation almost similar to mine!
He studied molecular biology, he was 9 years older than me, he used to live in the states, but now lives in Japan, we sometimes talked online but through email only haha.
I'm the one who stopped talking to him though. Though I would like to talk to him again, I just don't know what to say anymore. People drift apart. Go ahead and call him!
I think you should b/c seems like at one point you really cared about him as a person. Networking/keeping in contact can come in handy one day!
Okay. First, I just wanna say I find the way he addressed you with all those scientific stuff is really cute. lol.
On a serious note, I'm half and half on this.
Yes, you can contact him since both of you did care for each other at one point in your life. But I hope after you two rekindle your relationship, it also don't spark any old feelings for each other since you do have a boyfriend.
And no, you shouldn't contact him because he did pull the disappearing act on you. If he was really interested in you or even wanted you as a friend, he wouldn't disappear out of the blue and not leave you without any contacts to get a hold of him. Finding him again and bringing him back into your life.. you might just be playing with fire.
I think a part of you maybe still have that hope in you that maybe something can happen between the two of you or you're just curious as to how he's doing. Whatever you do, best of luck and I hope you also respect your boyfriend.
only contact him if you want closure...like someone said, he disappeared on you.
you could just ask him how hes doing (:
just follow your heart
you never know he might introduce you to his wife
and you all can get together for a giggle and talk about old times
I'd do it if I were you. I know it's so cliché but you'd never know till you try right?
"Hello my favorite arrangement of carbon molecules."
That one is really clever! I like it haha
@RedheadAblaze@xanga - His name wouldn't be Dustin by any chance? lol I swear the same thing happened to me, and he was like my best friend.
And I would definately do it. If you were good friends, whats the harm is just saying "Hi, how are things?"
Me? I wouldn't call him!
But it would be interesting what will come out of this if you do!
Good luck!
Though it wouldn't hurt to try, he most likely won't reply back to you. And even if you two do get in contact, it'll be awkward and that spark that made you two best friends would now be gone. I'm, of course, speaking from two separate occasions. One with someone that I was in love with and who happened to drop me like a hot potato when someone better and closer came around. And one with an ex-best friend, an awkward meeting, and no contact since then. You can try... but there's a reason why he hasn't contact you...
Hey, give it a shot. Maybe he got busy and never has time to do anything. That's what happened to me. I stopped talking to some of my friends simply because I don't have time. I try to stay in touch, but it's difficult at times even with technology.
I'd be too "chicken" to call in fear that the person may not remember me, but I've always wanted to contact a few people... I'd so do it if I had the guts!