Monday, 23 February 2009
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Men and Women Have Switched Dating Roles
Dating in New York is tough - it's a city of fabulous people, many parties, money and distractions. It's tough to keep someone's attention and for another to keep yours.
I've noticed that there are also new issues lately hurting the chances of decent dating options - the fact that men and women have switched roles. Men are becoming the passive, submissive female of the 1950s while women are expected to show a great deal of interest and pay for their dinners. What happened?! And most importantly, when did men stop asking for your number?
I have found on multiple occasions that I have to make the first move - going up to a guy, starting a conversation and offering up my number. I've dated some good men by taking on this preconceived aggressive male role; however, it is frustrating to always have to be the man. I am still a woman and want to feel at least a little bit chased and catered to. Is that just silly or simply being traditional and feminine?
Have you experienced this gender role switch in your dating life? How do you feel about playing the male role?
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- From: madamecornellian@lovelyish
- Name: madamecornellian
- About Me: Name: Melanie S. Espeland Age: 22 Your beauty/fashion style: Intellectual, artsy, and rocking pseudo-hipster. Greenwich sophisticate clad in vinyl and chains. Current favorite beauty product: Urban Decay eyeliner in Soot, Diorshow Mascara, Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundation Best beauty advice received or beauty rule you religiously follow: Carry yourself with confidence and you will be an effortless and chic beauty. Beauty/style item you can't live without: Black vinyl leggings, fur boa, and red lipstick. Things you're into or love: I adore writing, high fashion, exploring museums, rock concerts, well dressed men, and drinks with friends.
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Comments (71)
Yep I pay for everything while my boyfriend stays home and does nothing. However he is looking for a job.
i have been the 'man' in every relationship i've been in. plus i broke up with all of them.
i guess it's kinda good i've never been broken up with, but still...
I was the man with my current boyfriend. I did the chasing. I asked him to dance, which is how we met, and later that night he said, "you should call me sometime" <-- ISN'T THAT THE GIRL'S LINE?!
he's more of the man now, which is the way things should be. but i definitely did the chasing early on in the relationship. whatever, though. I got what I wanted (him!), didn't I?
hm, I guess in some ways I'm the "man" in the relationship, because my boyfriend is more emotional and worrisome than me. But my boyfriend is also more protective and controling which are male characteristics. And sometimes he pays, sometimes I do.
In the end, people are just a mix of different qualities. There are no "male" and "female" personality traits.
<3
It's funny how so many women advocate being more agressive and assertive in relationships but still think being the woman means being catered to all the time.
I'm just naturally friendly and don't have social anxiety so I talk to girls.
Ya, I myself where I live have been getting sick of having to go make the first move. Although there will be this guy who sees me from afar and comes up to say hi to me and that's it or stares at me like a shy guy not brave enough to say anything so i'm like fine i'll go and talk to him if i'm interested back, lol.
i'm gonna have to disagree. guys still ask for the girl's number when he's interested! if he doesn't, i assume he's not that into me, so whatevs. you're right about dating being hard in NY though. attractive, intelligent, successful guys/girls are a dime a dozen here. if you miss a chance with one, there will be 10 more right behind him/her.
I think it's okay to step up, talk to a few men that you are interested in, and get their number but just not all the time! I've done that once or twice when I was still single and I met some great guys that way. It shouldn't always be the man's responsibility to make the first move, ask for your number, pay on all the dates, etc. Some men like to be catered and chase too. Somewhere, somehow, just try to balance it out.
I've experienced it a couple of times, even down here in Alabama. From a guy's perspective, it's a bit weird. I'm not the typical guy who'll just go up, start talking, and get a number. I usually just chill and wait for an opportunity to arise if I ever do anything (I'm too patient). This leads to females coming up and initiating conversation and asking for/giving numbers. Still though, it's always nice to have a little change in roles every once in a while.
o.O
"Roles, smholes": I'm tired of people suggesting that we're supposed to live according to (usually) media-pushed stereotypes and that if we don't fit those stereotypes then the world is about to end.
We all have our individual brains, with individual thought processes, needs and wants: we should act according to those MORE than what is expected from us through society-suggested stereotypes.
You're interested in someone? Well then, go up and start talking to them! Communication works wonders, you know. Why should it be the guy who always starts up a conversation?
Oh, and "role-reversal"? I don't suppose it has anything to do with the forty-plus years of a feminist movement that has continually hammered it into men that men generally aren't needed and should start "giving up" some, if not most, of the "power" we supposedly have?
I find it quite ironic that now men are being accused of not being "manly" enough when all we've heard for the past four decades, at least, is that men have too much power and should start giving it over to women.
Make your minds up!
@PunkRockCowboy@xanga - Exactly! It's insane. No wonder guys are thinking that they're better off single...
@cmdr_keen@xanga - Money! Exaclty what I was thinkin'.
difference between now and the 1950s: sexual harassment lawsuits.
not just in new york..
@DerBlauMann@xanga - those ears are cute.
It's because it has been instilled in our heads from media and real life that women don't want anything to do with us, they just want to dance and hang out with the girls. What the F*** do you want from us, make up your mind girls!
@cmdr_keen@xanga - Amen brother!
I think I'm just going to cut straight to the chase and get a t-shirt that says "if you want to fuck me, come say hi"
@roxics@xanga - lol, that might actually work! No chance of sexual harrassment suits then... not unless they want a freedom-of-expression-suit right back at them ;)
@cmdr_keen@xanga - Agreed completely. Gender roles are as blurred as ever, and I think it's great. I don't plan on playing the damsel in distress, and I don't need a guy who assumes the dominant role in every situation. Switch it up, ya know?
Even in the animal world, the males chase and compete for the female's attention. I think it's something more biological than mentally. Either way, I feel ya.
A guy asked me for my number yesterday.
I guess the feminism kicks in.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - Wonderful post =]
ehhh.
Im not pretty enough to be chased so I usually have to do the chasing.
However I would LOVE it if someone was after me once in a while.
:P