In the movies and literature, unrequited love is seen as romantic and daring, something that draws us in and really tugs at our heartstrings. But is it really that great in real life?
I have a friend, "Sandie," who has been in love with someone she's known for almost ten years since meeting him in high school. Yet he never really noticed her and has never said more than a few words of "hello" or "how are you doing?" But she is still so in love with him. I have tried nearly everything to dissuade her from him, but to no avail.
Another friend, "Natalia," still loves her ex-boyfriend even though she knows he doesn't want to commit to anyone.
What do you think of unrequited love? Is it romantic, sad, or just pathetic?
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Comments (107)
Romantic but painful.
it varies, but the two examples you presented don't even qualify as "unrequited love" .. it's not as if it was love to begin with.
I don't see unrequited love as romantic but more of being pathetic and sad.
I have some of my own friends who loved someone from a distant for many years. The pathetic part about is that the men they supposedly love don't even noticed them just like your friend Sandie. So I come to ask, "How can you love someone when you don't even know them?" Are you just in lust with their looks? Their popularity? What?
But in other cases like your friend, Natalia, it is sad. Loving and wanting someone to return that same feelings and commitment for you but they can't.
I say in both cases, they are just hurting themselves more in the long run. Why love someone when they barely noticed you or want to return the same feelings and commitment towards you? It's better if you find someone else who will love and treat you like you deserved to be treated.
A person can't help what he or she feels and I think it's nearly impossible to dissuade someone from love. The mind may be telling her it's dumb to love him and she may not want to love him, but she can't help her heart.
Real life unrequited love may be pathetic in some cases. More often than not I see it as a romantic tragedy. Usually without the dramatic tragic ending (thank God).
Love should be reciprocal, the idea of unrequited love being romantic is really only one-sided and quite immature unless it's beyond a persistant infatuation.
when it's the guy with hopeless unrequited love - romantic.
when it's the girl, pathetic.
none of the above, it just sucks.
It's sad. I've had my fair share of unrequited love but there's no point in having feelings for someone if they don't reciprocate, right? I knew this guy who liked his friend for years even though they both have SOs.. I saw how sad his face got when she was with her bf. Everyone knew how he felt except her, but I think she knew too, she just didn't acknowledge it cuz she likes attention.
i think the right word is selfless love
Why does love have to be requited? Does loving someone require them to love you back?
In many of these cases, I wonder if it really is love. It may be more like "unrequited lust".
It sucks. :(
Right now, I feel bad because the guy I'm dating said he was in love with me, but I don't feel anything nearly that deep for him.
There are a lot of circumstances and what have you though.
So it's to be expected.
But it still makes me wish that I could force myself.
And I can't.
more sad than anything. because you know that if they were to ask that person out or something, they'd probably be rejected and CRUSHED. i suppose it's the fantasy that keeps them going.
I'm still in love with my exboyfriend. For the past 18 months, he's been mindfucking me. He tells me he wants me back then dates someone else and cheats on them with me. It's driving me insane. I try to stop talking to him but I just can't help it.
It's all of the above. (Romantic, sad and pathetic.)
Eventually you have to grow up, realize it's not going to work, and do what you have to do to get over it and move on with your life.
It's a romantic notion, but it usually doesn't pan out so well. If it's just "not there" for one party, then it isn't likely going to ever be there for them. It's a sad, harsh truth.
So many people get stuck on the idea that if it doesn't work out with one person, then there will probably never be anyone else out there for them ever. That's a silly idea. There are millions of people in this world. More than likely, we all won't be alone forever.
sad pathetik yes but also
the stuf of lyfe
@deathbywatermelon@xanga - This happened to me. Pretty much verbatim. You will not be happy until you get him out of your life. Delete him on facebook, delete his number, block him on any IM accounts. Have enough pride and respect for yourself not to let anyone treat you that way. Seriously-my ex did that to me for almost 2 years. You really, really don't want to continue down this road.
What you are dealing with is a selfish guy who wants you for some things, but not as a girlfriend. You are basically taking his scraps. Do you really want to just take someone's scraps the rest of your life? He's not going to change, I can almost guarantee that. It is hard as hell to let go, but that's exactly what you need to do.
Best of luck.
@deathbywatermelon@xanga - Obviously, he don't want you back because if he did, he wouldn't be dating other girls and you being the "other woman" in his life. Lose the dirt bag and find someone who will respect you and give you the love and attention that you want.
We can't really help how we feel even if the object of our affection happens to be a total A-hole.
But unrequited love can also be romantic when you think about it. Our love for someone is so conditional most times that when the person we love stops loving us, we immediately give up on the relationship. So did we really genuinely love that person or did we just love them for loving us? Unrequited love doesn't have the chance of reciprocation, so it's rather pure and innocent in a way uncorrupted by our own need for affection.
Pathetic, but I guess it can't be helped.
Sad and pathetic because if I really loved someone that much from afar, I can only take so much before I confess. I'm the type who will hint to my crush that I like them.
It's far from romantic, as reality vs movies, the subject of desire is not going to all of a sudden say "OMG! You love me! Now I get it and love you too!" It just doesn't happen.
Sad, maybe. As we would all hope that the individual we fall in love with will reciprocate that sentiment. However, we should realize that sometimes it isn't and we just have to move on.
Pathetic, hard to say. There should be a point in which we have the realization and then slowly come to acceptance, but if it is relentless, probably. Ten years of being in love with someone of whom a person has never really even been social with... that sounds a little mental to me. Sorry.
Unrequited love feels pathetic, hopeless, and like a serious wast of time. Trust me. But in some instances it's unavoidable. Your heart knows what it wants, whether your head agrees or not.
I believe it was Pascal who said, "The heart has reasons, which reason knows not of."
Unrequited love?
Well, if it's unconditional love, the person will love you even if you return that love or not... so I'd say it's pretty romantic.
Although, it sounds very sad and painful.
I think it all depends on the circumstances and the acts of the person not having the love returned. It could either be very romantic or extremely sad and pathetic.
romantic for a little bit. it's probably just lust afterall