Monday, 23 February 2009
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My Disastrous Double Date
Valentine's Day came and went. I finally got to see my boyfriend for the first time in over six months! Overall it was a great weekend, albeit a bit brief. However, an incident came up that I'm still struggling to deal with.
That Friday afternoon, a few hours before the boyfriend arrived, he mentioned that his friend (and his girlfriend) wanted to get in on our Saturday dinner plans. Apparently they found out about it and wanted to do the same thing. They couldn't get reservations but were told they could add themselves onto our party. Now, I had said no because I don't particularly enjoy double dates, especially with them. Things tend to get a bit sour and it always ends up ruining the mood of the meal. I also said no because it was the first special day I could celebrate with the boyfriend, even though Valentine's Day is extremely overrated.
In the six months of long distance, we missed our anniversary, our birthdays and the holidays, so considering I finally get to see him, I threw Valentine's Day into the pile of special days, just for this year. I was extremely excited about this dinner because it was at a nice restaurant and would have marked our first "fine dining" experience together. I was also excited because the boyfriend had sought out a place and made these plans even though I wasn't expecting much for Valentine's Day. So naturally, I didn't want to share it.Our plan was to meet up with the couple during the day and go our separate ways for dinner. That plan was cut short when the couple met up with us an hour later than expected and hung out with us for the next three hours until it was half an hour before our dinner plans began. I felt it'd be extremely rude to just leave them and head off to dinner, but the friend kept pestering and asking if they could join, so I eventually gave in. Dinner was all right, but it was not as good as it could have been 'cause I wasn't able to be myself with the other couple there. I also could have done without the couple's hurling insults at each other and the occasional steak-knife-to-the-throat threat.
I know the past is the past and I have to let go, which I am still trying to do. However, one thing I have learned from this experience is that should this situation arise again, I will not hesitate and I'll be the "bitch" in the situation. I waited six months to spend two days with him and I most certainly won't share that time in the future.
I think what's making it even more difficult for me to get over is the fact that the meals weren't as fresh as anticipated; the couple complained about it and were granted two free meal vouchers. I'm bitter because I don't think they deserve those vouchers - the dinner plans were made for me.
I don't recall seeing a Datingish post about double dates before, so I'm curious to see what other people's takes are on this subject. Are you for or against the idea of double dating? Would you ever double date on a special day (your anniversary, holidays, etc.) ?
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- From: still_standing
- About Me: Just sharing my experiences & lessons learned with everyone else in the dating world. I hope you find it helpful! :)
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Comments (60)
Man I wouldn't double date on my life, ever. I don't share. Ever!
i never double date.
no friends.
I think double dates can be really fun, as long as everyone knows and is friends with eachother. It's great to go bowling and stuff on double dates, I think. But if it was SUPPOSED to be a single date and it was a special day and stuff, it would definitely suck to have to share. Otherwise I think it's great fun. =] =]
Double dates suck unless everyone wants one (and are good friends with each other). And they're deeply unfortunate on 'special' days (i.e. V-Day, anniversary, birthday, etc.). Sorry about that bummer of a date
Double dates are cute when you're all friends and the other couple isn't fussy. But seems like you didn't have any of that niceness in this situation. Really, you should've just told them that, Hey this is the first time I've seen my bf in 6 months and though i'd love to hang out with you guys some time (even if that part was a lie hah) right now we have special plans alone. And if they were douches and got upset about it...well they'd get over it eventually. Besides, I wouldn't care too much anyway. They don't seem like people I'd be TOO upset about if they didn't wanna talk much anymore. To make it less awkward, you could've had your bf explain it to his friend, so as not to seem that you're a bitch or something. But what's done is done, and there's no point dwelling. Just tell your boyfriend what's really up if you ever get into a situation like this. At least you guys still had a nice weekend. =D
I thought a double date was when two couples actually agree to go out. This wasn't a double date. This was an intrusion.
I do wonder how this ever happened in the first place. Was there not a firm "NO"? Were they added to your party without your consent? Were they that belligerent that you COULDN'T say no to them? I mean, come on, it's V-DAY. Why ruin a special day for other with your own baggage? That's highly selfish of them. At least on the friend's part.
oh man, that's pretty messed up.
i've never dated before so i don't really know a lot about the field of dating^~"
i guess the outcome of a double date depends on the people you bring along, and of course depending on some circumstances (place, weather, etc), eh?
Please excuse my language. I fucking hate going on double dates. I was coerced into one on Valentine's Day with a couple who's a bit immature. The guy is fine by himself, but his girlfriend... Anyway, whenever I go on double dates, there is always some issue that pops up, big or small, its still there. A date should be an event for TWO people to enjoy each other's company, more people is just a crowd and on more than one occasion, I've had to deal with the other couple being annoyed with each other or with the other couple bearing witness to a spat between my bf and I and proceeding to make it worse. Next time you have to choose between a double date and not seeing your boyfriend, keep in mind that there are a number of things you could do alone. And maybe mention to him that you're not comfortable with double dating, it really ruins alone time.
Double dating is something I do for simple occasions. Diners, movie theaters, bowling, etc.
I wouldn't have hesitated to be the bitch in situation, and you would have been justified in doing so. You hadn't seen him in a really long time, so it's understandable that you wanted to be alone with him.
Yuck.. i hate double dates. Those are for people who don't really know each other too well and aren't dating seriously.
And the occasional girlfriends trying to get together stringing their boyfriends along..even so, their boyfriends are uncomfortable.
Double dates suck! People just quit it.
If all four people are good friends with one another, then it's cool go to dinner. But not on a formal date.
wtf...your first time to see him in 6 months... you are way too nice to have given in. you had every right to turn them down. wouldn't have made you a "bitch" at all. double dates aren't bad if you get alone time with your SO frequently, but not when it's scarce like yours.
that couple is really insensitive to have barged in on your plans. and taken your vouchers. motherfckers.
double dayts ar suppozd to be fun this soundz lyka drama bummer next tyme stand yer groundÂ
no meenz no
I like double dates sometimes, but NEVER on special days.
Umm, the other couple was EXTREMELY rude. I hope your bf isn't that close to the friend, staying friends with such inconsiderate ppl aren't worth it. Anyway, double dates can be fun if b/w at least 2 good friends, done on a non-formal occasion, and involves a casual activity. I have yet to go on one though so we'll see.
Something similar happened to me. It was my last night in Switzerland and the guy I was dating was taking me to a nice restaurant. We met up w/his co-worker for drinks beforehand and he invited the co-worker! I was 50% upset b/c it was my last night and 50% ok b/c maybe he was being nice since the co-worker's wife was out-of-town. Still! Yeah I didn't wanna be the bitch and be like no it's not ok if you join us, especially b/c I felt like I had no say since the guy had made the reservation.
Oooh, I would have been a bytch and told them to leave us alone...FOR THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME he was with you. Not sure why your boyfriend didn't reject their offers.
Double dates are alright, but for Valentine's DAy? That's just suicide, lol.
I feel you and I don't blame you for feeling the way you did. When my husband and I make plans, sometimes his friends and their girlfriends would want to butt in too. Though it annoys the heck out of me, it's the polite thing not to be a bitch about it in front of them.
I seriously hate double dates and I, also, can't be my regular self towards my husband when his friends and their girlfriends are around.
Next time, be greedy. Tell them that you haven't seen your bf for so and so months and that you would appreciate it if they can just go eat elsewhere or make their own damn plans!
Wow, your boyfriend's friends have no manners, class, or tact. They were seriously rude and it's understandable why you didn't want them to come to dinner (and fighting at the table in front of your friends? Inconsiderate, to say the least). Don't let them make you feel bad--you guys had plans for two people, not four. Be the bitch* next time and enjoy your time with your boyfriend; also, tell your guy to man up and tell his friend "No."
Also, I have no desire to go on double or "group" dates. It's not a date if there are more than two people. -_-
*i mean bitch in the best possible way--sticking to your guns.
I think double dates are fun, but not with people as rude as this other couple you were talking about. I've been in a long-distance relationship too, and we broke up only recently... I completely understand what it's like to want to have your boy to yourself. They should not have insisted on inviting themselves.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - You never did tell me what religion it is you follow.
@SerenaDante@xanga - i amma jew
Double date seems pretty cute - When you're in high school.
But I don't really like the idea of a double date. One, I don't like to share :P . And two, I can never be myself, unless I know the couple.
The other couple in your entry seemed really annoying and rude. They basically just threw themselves into your plan and asked later.
*Double dating
Bleh.
i went through like the same thing. honestly, fuck the friend.