Saturday, 21 February 2009
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She Just Doesn't Understand that I Want to Go
As everyone knows, I hate the whole situation of a man who acts like a jackass, and once the relatives of the woman says to run the other way, the woman says "But I love him". That really ticks me off. Now, I had this girlfriend, and things went so smoothly. But this whole time, I was feeling depressed because something felt missing. I told her that I wanted to break up three times.
Each time, she stated her case on why she wanted me to stay. And while I gave it a chance, I felt like the relationship was just not getting any more fruitful. She wanted me to stay for one more day. But the whole Wilson Phillips crap is what led to every last moment of her being done wrong, from an ex cheating on her to an ex treating her bad.
I just don't want to stay long enough to figure that in a few years time, she would have brought the worst out of me...just like my mom and dad. (Extra story: my mom and my dad are currently staying together for me and the kids, but back then, they used to have built-up tension from being together for so long, which explains my fear of just falling in love with just anybody.)
Also, she chooses the wrong men for long-lasting love. Or, perhaps, the wrong men for the type of love that makes you feel like nothing is missing.
How do I force her to accept that I'm unhappy in the relationship without hurting her feelings?
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- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
- Name: Blue Skye
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Comments (43)
you can't force anything.
Hmmm, to quote Barney's blog of 6 word breakup lines...
"You Look Fat In Those Jeans"
"Your Sister Is Hotter Than You"
There are others, but I've forgotten. But I think the best I've heard is from someone else...
"I don't feel that way about you any more."
She can't argue with it. Free to go.
It sounds cold, but...just END it. If you're unhappy, don't let this woman keep you prisoner, and don't lower yourself by being the next guy who, out of frustration and a desire to be free, ends up treating her like crap or cheating on her. Just end it now, and tell her that you're not going to be swayed. It will hurt her--you need to immediately lose any ideas you have that there must be some "perfect" way to get out of the relationship without hurting her, because that perfect way simply does NOT exist--but she WILL get over it and move on. With any luck, she will move on to someone who will want to be with her. And if you look at it that way, you're actually doing her a favor by cutting her loose so she can find the love she's looking for.
Good luck. I don't envy you, because I've been in your shoes.
I would so much rather a guy make a nice clean cut to break up with me than keep dragging it out. Be honest, it'll probably hurt her feelings but, dragging it out longer and giving her false hope is going to hurt her feelings too.
Seriously though, clean cuts are the best. She'll be okay.
You have to consider this.. If she truly loves/really likes/is fond of you.. It will hurt a little bit no matter how you end it. So don't worry about whether or not you'll hurt her, or you'll just keep doing what you're doing, which will be staying together for all the wrong reasons which could end up giving her more to hurt about later.. Anywho. With that said, here are some ideas:
Let her know that while you respect her as a friend, you feel like something in the relationship as a whole is still lacking. You've given it three chances, and it still seems to be lacking some kind of factor that you can't identify, it seems. You don't want to hurt her, but you know that if you don't truly love her, it wouldn't be in either of your best interests to stay together. If you're open to keeping a friendship, let her know you'll try to be there as such, though things may have to be a little different for now while ya'll adjust to the changes..
Or you could just let her know your feelings like you have here in your xanga. If you're afraid you won't be able to say everything you need to because of her offering reasons/excuses of why you guys are to stay together, then write it down and have her read it when you can sit there with her face to face, in case she has any questions.
Be prepared, though. You know she will try to refute it. But if you know this is what you must do, do it. Better now than later, in most situations. You know? 'Specially if she really likes you. Go to her when you know you can no longer keep backing down. Assure her that you won't be like past ex's, if you won't. That you truly don't want to hurt her, hence another reason why you're breaking off this side of the relationship.. To keep from hurting her even more later, You know?
Hope this made sense or is of some help.. Sorry if it wasn't, though.
Best wishes to you & to her,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@Beautiful_Disaster_74@xanga - Agreed...
Just tell her exactly how you feel and end it. There's really no way of not hurting her feelings... she'll have to deal with it and move on. It's tough but that's the reality of breakups, she'll learn and grow from the experience. If you let her talk you into staying, you'll only resent her more and more for it so you just have to do the inevitable.
@tubbz87 - I agree. Just end it, and the contact.
Clean breaks heal. Messy ones don't.
Tell her that it's not fair to her to keep on living this lie when you don't harbor any more romantic feelings for her and end it.
Don't worry about hurting her feelings! Of course they'll get hurt. It's a breakup. If breaking up were fun, it wouldn't be so taboo.
Just tell her the truth - if you stay together you'll both just be more miserable in the end.
Talk to her. explain the situation... and end it. It will hurt... but it's a matter of whats better in the long run not the short term consequences... good luck
Am I reading this wrong or are you asking permission for a break up? Well, it seems to me that way, anyways. If you already tried to break up with her three times and each time, she gives you a case on why you should stay and you give in, that's your fault there, pal. You already know how you feel in this relationship and sadly, prolonging in this relationship will just hurt both of you at the end. Just cut it loose, tell her the truth, and let go. Don't go back into the relationship whereas you already gave it a try three or more times. When you just ain't feeling it, you just ain't. Both parties will have to accept that.
Regardless, you will hurt her. Break ups aren't supposed to be happy times. But yeah, she rather get hurt now than later when she invested in more time and commitment into a doomed relationship.
I agree with XxFireXboltxX
Sit down, think for 5 minutes, and then go up to her and tell it like it is. My style is to never lie without a good justification, so I tell things as I see it.
Fadeout
Unfortunately there is no longer a way to do it without hurting her. You've tried and it didn't work. You just gotta be firm and tell her there is no other options, and it's not a debate. She will hurt but she will heal, you can't spend your life with someone your unhappy with.
Good luck to you!
I don't think it'll ever not hurt her feelings if you're the one breaking up with her. As terrible as it feels to be selfish, you'll probably need to do this for yourself. Staying in a dead-end relationship will only depress you even further, while more time with you will most likely make her cherish you more.
You have to be just as persistent as she is, or she'll never let go. Actually, she might not let go at all, but the fact is, your breaking up with her does not require her consent for it to be official. Good luck!
1. You can't force anything.
2. There is no way of doing this without hurting her feelings.
I had to deal with this before, once with a guy friend who was trying to breakup with his girlfriend, and then I was the one who was being rejected (by the very same guy, he's such a pansy). She's doing this to herself by refusing to accept the truth, but you have to push harder for the breakup. You just have to tell her, "Look, I'm sorry, but this just isn't working out for me." If you have to cut her off, then do that too. It'll hurt her, no doubt, but it's what has to be done.
Ugh. Honestly, this kind of thing makes me livid. First of all, you're not being fair to her by staying when you clearly don't want to be there. Second of all, you just need to man up and leave before you mess with her emotions anymore. And lastly, if you're not ready for a relationship, then you have NO ONE to blame but yourself for staying in one. Set her free so she can find someone who views her as good enough to stay with. She doesn't need to be wasting her time. And shame on you for giving her false hope by staying when your heart isn't even in it.
This is a bummer, but I know how you feel. When it isn't right, it just isn't right. You gave it your best shot and that's all you can do. Tell her how you feel, that you tried, and it's simply over.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - Exactly. That's it in a nutshell.
You can't force her to do or believe anything. But on the other hand, she can't force you to continue dating her. Tell her the truth clearly and honestly, and then leave. End it. Tell her that it's over, period. And then if you have to cut her off after that so she gets the message, do it. But don't back down and keep giving in to her when you know that you really want out. That's not fair to either of you.Â
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - I agree.
You can't force anyone to accept anything. Just tell her the truth that you no longer want to be in the relationship because you are unhappy being in it. It'll hurt her no matter what, and like what was said before, it'll only hurt her later if the relationship gets dragged out longer than it should. Best of luck.
@jeezshoua@xanga - you said it all!
i think you both have issues, and the relationship is not working. drag it out and reaffirm that belief later, or do it now.
Stick to your decision to the bitter end. Yes, she'll be upset but she has a choice: she can either get over it and move on with her life or she can make herself completely miserable and you stop having any contact with her whatsoever, which might not be such a bad idea. Tell her how you feel and then leave even if you have to practically kick her off your person and fling her across the room (figuratively speaking of course).
@ChuwuBBy_ChiNK@xanga - Thanks. I thought I was the only one reading it wrong.