Thursday, 19 February 2009
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I'm Being Manipulated by My Ex
Let me tell you that when you're done reading this, you'll think the answer to my problem is obvious...however, the obvious and literal answer is the ONE answer I can't accept. Well, my brain can, but my heart can't (if that makes any sense at all). I was dating this guy for over a year. He was my first boyfriend...my first everything, in fact. I was a great girlfriend - I was the only girl his family ever accepted, and some of his family members even began talking to him again because of me! I did anything and everything I could for him; he even admitted that I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had and could ever get.
We had a number of arguments and he dumped me in November. He got with his friend's ex a week later.
His new girlfriend is dumb - he can make up the stupidest lie and she'd believe it. She's spoiled by her semi-rich parents and doesn't even speak English properly.
He began comparing her to me to my face. He claims that she gives him money to pay his bills, that she's patient and loving and blah blah blah. I gave him the same things, but I think he's just mentally manipulating me. He and I saw each other behind her back, and I know I'm stupid for doing that. I'm starting to get sick of this cycle that we have - he always says the right thing to get me to see him again. It's disgusting.
He tells me that he still loves me but doesn't love her and only cares for her. But he doesn't want to leave her - he says he'd feel irresponsible for taking everything away from her and then leaving. He claims he also doesn't want me to leave, though, because he knows he'll regret it and that he really does love me. It gets more complicated in details, but let's leave it at this.Basically, I just want to ask..
- What the hell is he thinking? Is he really just a whole bunch of BS?
- Anyone else been in this situation before? What did you do? What happened?
- What should I do?
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- From: sandrawo0o@xanga
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Comments (259)
Make a decision and stick to it. Either tell him he needs to stop seeing this other woman, or tell him you're not seeing him anymore. But unless you make a choice, the problem will remain.
Now that you've realized what's going on, it shouldn't be too hard to brush off what he says. It's hard, I know, and it's just short of not seeing him (which I'm guessing you were talking about in the first paragraph.)
He's a jerk. Not that jerks can't be wrapped in pretty packages, but I'm sure it's not hard to keep in mind how he hurt you when you're talking with him. There's no way he deserves you again.
You said you can't accept the obvious answer, which means that you already know the answer. Why would bother posting this if you already know what to do?
Just tell him he needs to choose, and if he chooses her, then get out of his life. He might come crawling for forgiveness once he sees how much he misses you. Then again, he might not... But that means he really is over you. And that means you need to just get over him.
Actually an edit :
Last night he called me at 8p.m and asked to get back together. He said he was going to text his gf, and break up with her.
I called him at 12.. To find out that she's at his house, "crying" and... that he just realized how much he loves & wants to be with her. And that it kills him that she's crying so badly.
She's probably going to take him back. This is the SECOND time he's told her about his cheating.
Absolutely pathetic, aint it?
4 hours later, he wants to stay with his GF.
What a waste of time..
You pretty much answered your question in this post. :\
Only you can make the call in this, and he seriously needs to make a decision. :\
get over it. he's an ex now.
He's using the fact that you care for him as your weakness. Cut all ties with him, he's using both you and his current girlfriend and that's just wrong. The fact that he's sneaking around behind her back to see you just digs a deeper hole. You also don't know if he's done the same behind your back. Words are just words, they don't have to have meaning.
@sandrawo0o@xanga -
u know what else is a waste of time...?? this situation/story...&& the fact that i'm even replyin' to this. -.-
Total headdesk moment...but of course you know this. You KNOW what you should do, so why the hell are you asking, "What should I do?" Your awareness of the situation means that you don't even need advice; you know what to do, you just don't feel like doing it.
Dude is a dumbass. I don't even know if I can rationalize his actions, because they're not logical in the least bit. He still loves you--or so he claims--but not enough to break up with his girlfriend? Complete BS. He's made too many mistakes, and I'm sure you can see them all.
This guy is a jerk who dug himself into some deep kimchi. By staying around, you're only letting him continue his selfish and irresponsible behavior.
That being said, get rid of him. I'm sure it's easier said than done, but it's the right choice.
@sandrawo0o@xanga - Indeed, that is a waste of time. :\ Just cut ties with him already. You're only getting yourself in deeper with this guy if you stick around.
@Limbz@xanga - I should have said that instead. This post really was a waste of time, but I have nothing else to do right now.
@Limbz@xanga - Amen to that!!!! That's a waste of a post. -_-'''''
@KasumiCelesta@xanga -
haha...yeah, same. nothin' to do...just trollin' :P
Wow, he sounds like my exboyfriend, who I think is a jerk.
I don't think manipulated is a good word for what he's doing, probably using you to fill his emotional needs while she fills his other needs.
My exboyfriend chose me over her, but that was after some time of having us both. In the end I always felt second best, like I just wasn't good enough.
Good luck with this.
@ Limbz@xanga - I guess you really didn't have to? It really was your own choice...
@ KasumiCelesta@xanga - It's just the fact that I seem to care enough still to pick up his call, or something like that.. We always go through these retarded " Don't talk to each other for one week " and then talk again for 3 days..
I want it to stop, but I'm weak in the sense of being strong.
@ XAngelExpress31X@xanga - I'm scared he's gonna do the exact same to me. I don't want him to be able to "choose." So I wanna get strong enough to turn him down whenever.. It's tough though, hey?
Either you leave him, or you steal him back from his girl. Simply let the girl know that he's been sneaking with you behind her back and see what happens. I doubt you could leave him though. If you could, you wouldn't even be in this situation in the first place.
The thing is, I don't want him back.. I want to get RID of him.. But it's hard because I still care/love him. If a relationship fails, usually the person who gave 110% in the relationship felt like they failed to keep it.. I feel like a failure, when I know that he was just a jerk.
The girl has been told TWICE.This was the second time. I even told her myself, and she went back to him saying how I was immature and pathetic.. She's actually stupid, it's ridiculous!
I was in a very similar situation and I'm going to be completely honest with you.
You have to cut the ties. Don't answer the phone, don't call him back, don't text him, don't answer his texts, don't go out of your way to see him, try not to think about him.
You are going to be the one that gets hurt in the long run, not him and not his girlfriend. You are going to be the one that's crying at night. You are going to be the one who is going to cause damage to yourself by holding on.
But you already knew all of this, so cut the bullshit and put it into action. No good is going to come from his actions or his words, just like no good is going to come from you holding on. He's trying to keep you leashed with empty promises, and you're being foolish enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. Stop saying that "you can't accept it" because you have to accept it. That's the way the world works, honey. It's sink or swim, and swimming is the only thing that's going to make your life better.
@ AnonymousBlonde@xanga - It's true.. And that's also a reason why I can't let go. The fact that I lost so much in being with him.. To take it all the way to the end, and lose even MORE than I should have been.
I don't know, it's not like he's going to regret leaving me & hurting me. Forever it's just going to be me in agony. I hate that.
@Limbz@xanga - Oh, I know how to make this post not a waste of time:
That original advice I gave? Scratch it. Call him again and say something like, "I can't take this, I'm still in love with you and I can't stand to be without you! Please break up with her and take me back, I'll never hurt you like she did!"
Being the idiot he is, he'll have another change of heart and start pining for you again! Once he does this, say something that'll spark some kind of argument, and when he threatens to call it quits, let him do it. Then he'll go crawling back to the other girl again (or the other way around), and then you can watch him in an endless cycle like a hamster on a wheel! Douchebag deserves it for being so stupid! HA!
...but as if it wasn't obvious already, I'm only joking.
@sandrawo0o@xanga - It's only going to be forever if you keep up that attitude :/ I know how you feel, because I just blogged about my own situation not long ago. There's nothing you can do to make him hurt as much as you do. You just need to move on. He'll get his just desserts down the road...though it seems like he already did, judging from the the fool he just picked for a girlfriend.
You just hurt yourself by sticking to him.
He is using you.
You can't even trust him! How do you know he wasnt fucking her whole he was dating you? He got with her a week after you two broke up? That's just plain bullshit and you know.
Xo
This is a waste of a blog. You know the answer, but can't accept it. Fine. Have fun being manipulated then.