In the beginning (tacky cliché music begins), I wasn't too sure about this relationship, which was when I began to blog about it and ask for advice. Now, I've been with him for three months, and not too long ago, his ex returned. Here's the scoop.
After dinner one night, my boyfriend and I went to check out the moonlight at this amazing place, and because he was tired from work, he fell asleep (fair enough).
All of a sudden, I got a phone call from a number that I hadn't seen before. I answered and it was a woman with an extremely strong accent I can't really understand. She was asking for my boyfriend, so stupidly enough, I woke him up and found out that it was his ex. How did she get my number?!
I found out that she called my boyfriend's cell provider and asked for a contact recovery list because she knew his password. Wow.
She kept calling us and he would keep rejecting the calls, refusing to answer (good boy
)
We found out why she kept bugging him - her visa has expired and she wants my BF to "sponsor" her by saying that they're in a de factor relationship. That way, she'd be able to obtain permanent residency - WTF!
On Christmas Eve while he and I were enjoying our night, she called...on New Year's, she called asking him to go to her house after he was done at my place, not caring that he was with me.
She made up some stupid excuse like "I can't find my pants...can you look for them and give them back?"
And the thing that bothered me the most...while my BF and I were on vacation overseas, she went to lunch with his parents!
What can I do? I know I shoudln't let her get to me, because that's just ridiculous. But after she came on the scene, I found out so much about my boyfriend and their past relationship. I just feel like everything he's done with me, he's done with her. I sort of feel like the backup girl.
I've told him flat out that I won't be able to take her shit anymore and that if she keeps this up, I'll have to break up with him. He doesn't seem to care as much as I do - his excuse is "I don't care about her; I care about you!"
Is he worth keeping around?
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Comments (43)
Sounds like he needs to man up and get rid of his old baggage.
Analyze the relationship you have with him and perhaps it's not as fantastic as you'd like, then, dump him. Sounds like too much nonsense that you don't need to be a part of. His simple reaction in your closing isn't convincing enough.
It sounds like your bf is stuck between a rock and a hard place and you're not making things easier.
It seems like he wants the ex out of the picture, but can't help it if she keeps calling him. Try suggesting he blocks her number to prevent future calls.
Second, unless you're in high school you will just have to realize that people come with a history and there will be somethings that both parties will have done to each other in the past that they'll do in the current relationship. It is a fact of life, and the sooner you realize that the sooner everything will be better and easier for you to come to terms with.
NO he's not! He needs to change his password and let his folks know he's with you and if he won't put his foot down and stand up to her, kick his ass to the curb! I did and found a wonderful man!
My ex's ex wife used to call, want him to do things for her and her kids (they're not his) and I got fed up and told him to choose. He told me it was hard so-bounce I say!
you shouldn't give up your relationship just because of her.don't let her see that she's the winner in this "situation".
you aren't dating her, and the "She kept calling us and he would keep rejecting the calls, refusing to answer" shows he's being good, at least we hope. I'd stick with it if you like him. Like i said, you aren't dating her...but he needs to put an end to that issue.
Omg a psycho bitch. She needs to be completely out of his life. If he's ignoring her and you don't suspect anything that's probably a good sign.
*lol* restraining order...
just change your cell phone number. tell her what she and he had is already over (all in the past) and its you and him now, have a nice looooong talk with her and if she still doesnt get it...get the restraining order haha. thats why i dont like being/getting into a relationship with a guy that still keeps in touch with his ex or exes. if hes still in touch with them than get back together than. sometimes you have to cut all ties...in order to move on.
or if you want to be nice, introduce some guys to her so she'll lay off your boyfriend. get her mind off so to speak.
there was an entry similar to this before about the "annoying ex"
i say tell him to man up a bit, put his foot down on the situation.
but tell him gently because you're not the issue here, he seems like he's on the right tracks with you.
Ignore her until she gets deported! This girl is rude and kinda crazy.
I had a very similar situation happen to me with my last boyfriend actually (minus the needing a visa to stay in the country part) but she eventually was part of the equation that broke us apart. She stalked me and called my boyfriend constantly, wanting to talk and hang out. She contacted me several times about how my ex was a liar and smooth talker and I shouldn't believe anything he says and blah blah blah. And then after I told her to back off and leave us alone, she contacted him, crying about how I was mean to her. Me and my ex had our problems and when we were in a very fragile part of our relationship, he eventually turned to her for advice (bad move) and I ended things. Later I found out she made a move on him when we were still "kind of together" and he didn't stop her, which just made me more grateful for ending things. The bottom line is, don't leave him JUST because of her. He obviously cares about you more than her and until he gives you reason to believe he's still interested in her, I would just try to ignore her. The minute she knows she's getting to you, she's never going to stop. Ignoring her is the best way.
Wow, I've been going through the same thing. My current boyfriend who I have been with for 3 months today, actually. His ex continuously tries to talk to him. Texts, phone calls, etc. She "prank called" him New Years Eve, and I answered. I don't know her, but I hate her. I don't think you should end things with him just because of her. Just lay down the law, and if you have to, have a chat with her.
Yes!!! It's not his fault his trashy girlfriend is still around. He needs to get her out of his life, that's for sure, but it's not necessarily his fault that he has a crazy ex.
Don't feel like a backup girlfriend. Really. When you have multiple relationships, there are bound to be situations that replicate themselves. That doesn't mean that you're less important or special than anyone he's dated before!
Listen to the man. Seriously.
Can you be sure that your bf is still rejecting her calls when you're not around?
I personally would not want to be involved with someone who still has not completely severed ties with his past girlfriends. All it takes is one slip up, one vulnerable moment, for him to cheat on you with her.
@bunniebutt@xanga - thats so true.
Daaaayuuum...b!tch is crazy.
Just wait for her visa to expire :) And in the meantime, change your cell phone number, and if your boyfriend wants to, he should change his too.
This rest of this situation is your boyfriend's responsibility. He knows how much trouble this is causing for the both of you and your relationship. It would hurt if you broke up with him for something that isn't his fault. You're not a backup girlfriend! It's not uncommon for someone to have treated someone in the past the same way their treating their current SO now. It's not like any of us can hold back, thinking, "Well I'm just gonna save this stuff for the next person I date, in case things don't work out here." She's the past (a stubborn, insane one at that), and you're the present. She may be so stubborn that it won't be easy for him to get rid of her, but don't hold him accountable for that. Anyway, I think your boyfriend is worthwhile enough to stay. I would even find it somewhat amusing to see what she does, until she has to go back to her home country visa-less.
Good luck, and I hope that crazy woman leaves really soon!
sigh, change cell phone number please....and get her out of his life for good..give him an ultimatum if yuo are confident enough of your current relationship.
Wow, she seriously needs to go away. Your boyfriend needs to find a way rto permanently get rid of her. And it's not right for his parents to have done that even if she's trying to be nice, because that's plain BS. She's trying to ruin the relationship. That's the best I can tell you. Unfortunately my current bf's ex came into his life after so many years, wants to be friends and he wanst to keep her around with no regards to my discomfort. At least yours obviously doesn't want anything to do with her. But you both need to find a way for her to be completely gone. Best of luck to you.
First, he needs to man up and tell his ex to leave both of you alone.
Secondly, I don't think you should break up with your boyfriend because of his ex unless he gives you a reason to. It's part of his fault that his ex keeps on contacting him but it's not entirely his fault either.
If you let him go, she wins. She probably knows she's getting into you and waiting until you break. When you're at your most vulnerable point, that's where she's gonna take advantage of you.
Last but not least, having lunch with your bf's parents, maybe she's trying to suck up to them just so they could convince your bf to "sponsor" her visa card.
You should know that when it comes to something that some crazy girls want, they will do anything in their power to get it.
Just keep in mind that your bf is with you and not her. Also, encourage him NOT to sponser her so she can go back home.. where she belongs. *evil grin*
restraining order.
Leave him! He'd put his ex in her place and tell her to stop calling (especially you) if he was serious about your relationship. My boyfriend tells me about his ex calling him every once in a while but I trust him because I know he has it under control and I've never had a problem with her ever being around or constantly calling him or hanging out with his parents. Sometimes exs do get in the picture but just make SURE that they are really over and that he isn't just saying that. OH and check his phone from time to time && view the call history to see how often and for how long they speak. If he's the one calling her too, then there's trouble.
call immigration....
hahahahahahahahaha
That stupid cunt,
I hate bitches like that. He needs to block her and tell his parents that he'd appreciate it if they dont Go on Lunches. He needs to handle the situation, not you. If he doesnt, that means he somewhat wants/likes her doing it.
He sounds like a good man. And he can't exactly control what his crazy ex-girlfriend does.
I wouldn't break up with him, but rather you should maybe sit him down and tell him he needs to have a firm talk with her and tell her once and for all he doesn't want her in his life, for the time being, or ever, whatever it is he needs to say.
Thus far, it doesn't seem like he's given you a legit reason to call it off with him. Has he tried talking to her about it?
I've been through my fair share of stuff like this. My boyfriend had told the other girl several times that I wasn't comfortable with her contacting him, but that didn't mean that three months down the road that she wouldn't be trying to get ahold of him again (For a number of stupid reasons, like the pants thing, but different). I understood that he can't control what she does, and that's not something I can fairly punish him for.
The only times I got mad at him for it was when he would send back something harmless, but still not tell me about it. As the girlfriend you have every right to know when he's actively talking to his ex. But when he's up front with you, what do you have to be mad at HIM about?
@SamiisLove@xanga - I love this.
Make him block her number and tell his parents to lose contact with her. If he doesn't agree with this, dump him.
If he really cares about you, he'll do it with no problem. Some guys can be absent minded, and he may not be able to come up with this idea on his own. So the fact that he hasn't done this already may not be a red flag. But if he won't after you've said something, it definitely is.
I was dating this guy who was in love with someone else, this girl that he knew and had feelings for before he met me. I suspected it for quite a while, but I didn't want to believe it because I was in love with him. So when he talked about this other girl too much, expressed interest in talking to her again, and felt the need to tell her how he felt before for "closure", I was suspicious, but I let myself believe whatever bullshit excuse he gave me. Even if it made no sense whatsoever, and despite knowing that he was a very dishonest person. I had a bad breakup with another guy beforehand so I felt like we could somewhat relate on that, but at the same time, I didn't miss him or feel any need to get in contact with him again. He was just part of a chapter in my life that I had put completely behind me. And that's how it should have been with my ex-boyfriend and this other girl, and how it should be with your boyfriend and his ex.
I hope for your sake that he agrees with these demands that you need to make with him. If he doesn't, the only smart thing to do is dump him. Trust me on this. I've been there before. I only found out after we broke up that the reason my ex was such a crappy boyfriend was because he was in love with someone else. If that's the case with your guy (and I hope it's not), you need to find out as soon as possible because the sooner you find out, the less it will hurt after you break up.
I would either call immigration (LMAO) or ask him to change his password. I wouldn't bother changing your numbers - just ignore her calls until she gives up.
As long as you are sure you can trust him, I would just ignore the psycho bitch.