Thursday, 19 February 2009
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"I Think We Should Take A Break"
Miss ToucanOh, the infamous break. It always causes so much drama in a relationship (e.g. Ross and Rachel in Friends), but what about a break makes things so complicated?
I think the confusion/drama about the break comes when the two people involved have different ideas as far as what the break means and what you can do during it.
Personally, when I used the break, I was working my way into a breakup. The guy I was with was getting very jealous and clingy, so I thought it would help to give him a chance to ease into letting go.
Now, I don't think breaks always mean breakups; they can be good for relationships. Sometimes people taking a week or a month apart can help them grow closer, or help them get to know themselves a little better before they take on another person.
What seems to be the more complicated part of the break is what you are allowed to do during it. I'd like to think that being on a break meant that I could casually date, and nothing further. Nothing physical, nothing committed, nothing but a casual date or two, just a get-to-know-you date. That situation never came up when I was on my break with my ex, but I like to think I could have done that.
What about you guys? Have you ever done the break? What were the conditions and intentions?
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Comments (39)
i have been on a break, but it was planned wed do it for 2 weeks,it couldnt last more than one .lol.i called him and then he called me and we missed each other bad,it was actually due to LDR,distance got a little better of us,we didnt value each other as much as we shouldve but when we got back or even talked for the first time after the break,(technically during)we were so caring and all over each other.but we are still together,very much in love and happy :)
happy ending :)
never done it.. about to do it.
i thought it meant technically you were broken up so you could do anything?
My breaks (both with the same person) were ridiculous. They were out of the blue and intended for a breakup, but he had no idea what he wanted, so while on them, and even AFTER we broke up, we were still "together." Oy.
I've never done it.
I've just broken up with people outright. I would rather not play games.
When my husband (then bf) and I were going through a rough path in the past, we took a break from our relationship. Our break was that we were still together but we just need time apart from each other until both of us can calm down and think if this is what we really want (to be with each other).
And it is true. Before taking a break, both parties should discuss what they can and cannot do during that break. It'll save a lot of confusions and complications later.
But if you're taking a break and easing towards a break up, I say just break it up already! Don't waste any of your significant other or your time for a break that you know is an excuse for you to shy away from the relationship.
I've never gone a break with anyone. I'd rather just break up. I can think while I'm still in the relationship and communicate with my partner. If we're having issues, we attempt to fix them and if we can't work through them, we break up and say it was fun while it lasted.
A couple of my friends took a break from their 3 year relationship to kind of re-evaluate the whole situation. What they did was spend two months away from one another. They didn't even talk. There was no contact between them in any way. They hung out with different people and did different things, and they were free to do whatever they wanted during this break.
They reunited on the bf's birthday, and they decided to stay in a relationship. They're both much happier and appreciate each other a lot more than they did pre-break. It seems like their "break" was more like a trial "break up," but it did wonders for them as a couple. The bf did end up having some fling with another girl at one point, as did the gf, but the main reason for their break was to see if they were missing anything by only having been with each other. They weren't! Haha. But, everyone is different!I had a rough one with an ex of mine. Back and forth we went like 5 times, finally we broke it off and lost all forms of contact. I am happy it ended like that, breaks were never good for me. He'd change his mind the second I left, making me feel guilty, etc.
What I do now with my current bf is give him his space to breathe so often, and he gives me mine (which is very little lol). Still together, but it helps we're LDR at the moment. When we live together it's something we'll have to work with. I just need to pick up a few new hobbies is all.
I've never been on a break with anyone. But to me a break should only happen when both parties genuinely want the relationship to work, not an excuse to lead to breakup. Why would you need a break when you intend to break up anyway? Makes no sense.
I don't think I would allow even casual dating during a break. It will just further complicate things when both partners decide to get back together.
I've never done that before, actually. That probably is one of the main problems in "breaks"; one of the people goes further than the other thought they should. If both people would lay down their ideas of what a break is, and both of them meet in the middle, that'd be better.
See, I don't see why relationships need "breaks" in the first place. Unless you're intending to break up with them, why can't you just spend more time to yourself? Explain to them that you want a little more time to yourself and go with that. I mean really, unless someone is wanting to surf through other candidates and / or end their current relationship, I doubt a "break" is really needed.
@jeezshoua@xanga - AMEN. Totally agree =] Thats what my version of a "break" would be.
But for everyone it's different. Define what a break is before you actually take one.
And if the relationship is heading in the direction of a breakup, just do it. You'll thank yourself in the long run.
i wonder if "taking a break" had become an idea after FRIENDS. lol. I love that show btw.
My bf asked me for a break around our 6 months when we had winter break. I was devastated. I didn't have a cell, internet, t.v., transportation, money, and I went back home for 2 weeks in Nor Cal and he lived in So Cal. That's kind of a break for me. But to HEAR him say IT? Horrible.
We still managed to talk to each other. And I had the most AMAZING break EVER. So I wasn't mopping all the time.
Just last night I told my boyfriend that I wanted a break. I was getting annoyed and pissed at his laziness and not doing what he's supposed to or what he says. I got tired of it. I had to release some anger. BLAH. I was working last night and it helped. We were really busy that I was doing all of the work. I felt better afterward. It felt good to say "I want a break" ---- then upon realizing that I really wanted to see him and wanted to make up.
I've never done it but my friends have. One of them is going thru a 3-month break right now, but it looks like he and his gf are gonna break up anyway.
Break -
Time to heal
Time to try to understand
No contacts
Try to figure out what you both want and need from each other
If this had been posted sooner, I could have shown it to my best friend. she and her boyfriend went "on break" and the next thing she knew they were over. i told her it's because they had two very different ideas of what "on break" means...and i know now that i was right. lol.
i've never done "the break" personally...i probably could have and been a little happier in the past. but whatever lol. what's done is done.
Personally, i think that "on break" means you don't see each other or talk to each other for a while. i don't see why you couldn't have casual dates, but nothing too in-depth. like, just the getting to know you dates, like you said.
My friend thought it meant that they would still be together and talk to each other and stuff. i didn't know how to tell her she couldn't be more wrong.
there are always supporters and non-supporters of the infamous "let's take a break" line. i think to each their own.
i put my bf on a break, but even when i did, i knew he would never go out and find someone else. i knew i had someone to come back to when i was done figuring out what i needed to...i just needed a break to be alone.
i've had friends who were put on breaks who thought rules were the same for them as they were for their SOs, but that was a wrong assumption and ultimately it ended in a breakup.
i think a break can work if everyone understands the whats and whens and ifs and how longs....but if a small part is confusing, it won't work. someone's heart will most likely get broken.
I'm thinking of going on a break with my gf. We've been together for 4 months and I'm unsure if I want to continue the relationship. I care about her and think she is fantastic, but for some reason I just don't feel like we "click". But I am also under some stress right now and feel like my life is totally disorganized. So I'm thinking I should go on a break to deal with all my stuff and get in a better place before I decide if this relationship is what I want or not.
I think its hurtful when one person dates someone else while on a break.. it's kind of insensitive and inconsiderate of their so's feelings.
@bunniebutt@xanga - what you said makes perfect sense..
My ex and I did breaks three times.
#1 - unnecessary in the long run, and a total accident. He was being immature and needed space. I figured that was that, but after a few months we couldn't be apart from each other and it helped immensely. The hard part for me was that he dated one of his friends after taking her to prom instead of me. That blew over because I knew she didn't really like him and vise versa.
#2 - about a year-long stretch into our relationship, he had given me a lot of expectations. When they weren't fulfilled I got upset, and instead of making it right, he ignored me for outdoor adventures with his bromances. I suggested we take a break that eventually turned into a break when he said he had feelings of infidelity. Our rule when going on break was no dating though, and both of us stuck to it. We broke up for like two weeks before, again, we couldn't stop being around each other.
#3 - he said he was confused again (I totally understood) and I suggested we break, no dating others, just thinking. But he had already been cheating on me with somebody online. Needless to say, when I found this out after we officially broke up, I have not wanted to go back to him since.
Breaks are good when you're changing and need to sort it out. But you have to follow each other's rules or it will always fail. If you truly want to break up, JUST SAY SO and don't drag it out with a stupid break.
I requested two breaks with my current boyfriend, believing that it would lead to the relationship ending. Both only lasted a day and a half though, because the time apart made me realise just how much I really love him.
I've never done a break, since I've never really had a boyfriend. I was, however, the unintentional rebound girl for a guy who thought he had broken up with his girlfriend for good, just to be kicked to the curb five months later as he got back together with her. So it turned out to be a break. My lesson is learned: Never touch a guy who's anywhere near or in a relationship, even if he's in the separation stages of it.
Anyway, breaks can be good, and the terms have to be thought out carefully. I would rather not go seeing other people during that time; in that case it's just better to break up.
I have been on a break definitely;)
It depends on where it is heading, if its for something serious you prob got some chance of making it better.
If you know it aint going to work, things really aint going to work.