My Dating Guru (DG) sent me this valuable piece of info the other day. It's changed my life, and I hope it does for you too...
EmanBruin's DG's Guide To Who PaysFirst Date: TheManTheManTheMan.
Second Date: Also The Man. Mind you, this should be in contrast to Date One. It should be fun and not so pricey, because if it is, she'll think you're made of money and start pressing you for foie gras.
Third Date: Guys, this one's one on you as well. I know, three dates?! Trust me on this. The trick here is to go low-fi. A picnic does wonders here. As does a nice dinner at home.
Fourth Date: I've done the research, and nobody knows what to do here.
Seriously, I looked on Wikipedia, Yahoo Answers...nothing. It's one of those mysteries of science, right up there with Darwin's Theory and the thermos. You're on your own here. Sorry.
Fifth Date: The Woman can make a token gesture to pay. The Man has what I like to call the Triple Option. Just like football. He can hand-off the bill to The Woman, he can keep the bill for himself, or he can play fake. That is, let the woman pay, but secretly pocket the bill and pretend to go to the restroom, only to pay at the register. There is the secret Fourth Option, which is to go Dutch. It's a dicey play to to do that here, so tread lightly.
Tenth Date: Dutch.
25th Date: Here you can introduce a friendly wager or game to decide who pays. Rock-Paper-Scissors works well here. As does arm wrestling, tickle fighting and the quarter-mile. If you come from rival schools/cities/neighborhoods, you can center your date around the big game. Other games to consider, Chess, H-O-R-S-E and Trouble. Slap fighting does not work well here. Trust me.
50th Date: Nobody pays. Here is what happens. The Man, having lost the last 25 games of Rock-Paper-Scissors, refuses to go out. The Woman wants steak, but doesn't want to pay. A standoff occurs. Five hours later, The Man makes a tuna sandwich and The Woman goes clubbing with her girlfriends.
100th Date:Your parents pay. If you play your cards right, this should coincide with a rockin' engagement dinner at a swank French bistro. Order two of everything.
1000th Date: Your kids pay. Usuallly at an IHOP or Denny's. Load up on bacon. Go out with a bang.
True
Comments (68)
first date: separate checks for me :]
Disagree. I say, the person who asked the other one out should pay for the first few dates. Then after that, switch off.
First or any dates, I could go dutch. Unless we're in a serious relationship, we can take turn paying. No biggie for me.
But if the guy expect me to pay for the whole date on our first date, goodbye... cheap ass.
Lmao, wow. I can't help but wonder how many dates an average person goes on in their lifetime now. Eh, I don't know much about the "Who pays" deal.
Yum, foie gras! The guy should definitely pay for the first few dates if he's looking to impress the girl.
make life easier and just pay for yourselves.
What does Dutch mean?
I always go by the rule whoever asked the other person out pays. Going dutch is fine with me too. But, I would not feel comfortable letting the guy pay the whole bill if I asked him out. Once things get serious (when another date is a guarentee, rather than "I hope he calls!") I would alternate. But, if I planned a nice night out, I would still feel better paying, no matter how serious I am with the guy!
I loved your guide though....Especially the end..."go out with a bang." What better way to live life?
Alisha
I pay unless I think it will ACTUALLY make her unhappy. If it makes her slightly unhappy, I let her pick up the tab on coffee/gelato/frozen yogurt afterwards. A nice way to round up the evening anyway. Subsequent dates I will always insist on paying, but if she's insistent that she pick up the tab on occasion, then I'll let it go for cheaper dates (lunch/desserts) and I'll get it for dinners and outtings. I never go dutch unless she absolutely forces me. It seems so ridiculous.
Oh, I think "asker pays" is fine too, but I'd want to pay anyway, and seeing as how I'm ALWAYS the asker, it's never come up for me before...
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Split the bill.
I'd go dutch on any date, or pay for both of us. But hahahah to that 1000th date. It's totally true. As soon as my dad turns 55, we're going to Denny's!
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Aww, that's sweet. Hm, it is sort of weird when people force you to go dutch. It should be more of a mutual agreement, huh?
Haha, it's funny. I was out with my friends today (regular lunch outing) and we kind of made a little scene in trying to pay for the bill. Oopsies. 0=]
@xxthatsmexx@xanga - OMG, we totally went to dennys when my dad turned 55. Senior discount for the win!
Hahaha. You are too funny :)
Asking someone out & expecting them to pay is like inviting them to spend their money. Just sort of rude. Whoever asks should pay, or at least give the other a chance to decline and pay for themselves (or for the whole date, if they insist).
I only pay if the bill exceeds 70 dollars. Otherwise we switch between eachother. My girlfriend doesn't even want me to pay for the rest of this year already because I bought her so many expensive gifts and took her out to Ruth's Chris and Donovan's within the past 2 months. Basically, including for her brother's wedding gifts, I've spent about $2500 on my girlfriend within 2 months. She doesn't want me to spend money on her at all at this point. I'm basically the boyfriend that made up for all of the bad guys she dealt with in the past. LOL!
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - This seems like the most reasonable advice to me! It's what my boyfriend and I do.
ahahahha, love the last two :)
Strongly disagree.
I made this point back when TheAngryQueerFeminist, Blue__Summer, nimbusthedragon, and I were making rebuttals against Darn_it_danube's apparently woman-bashing post and Papillon_Mom's anti-feminist post. The comment I left on Blue__Summer's site was:
Today in Psychology of Gender, my professor joked that the reason women make less than men in the business world is because men are still expected, to some degree, to pay for everything; therefore if women and men made equal pay and man still paid for everything what would she do will all that extra cash?? Need I restate, she was joking; however, her saying this really did make me think. Double standards persist in things like this, in ways that even I failed to recognize.
I personally love being chivalrous, but that goes for most social situations, whether the girl is a friend, girlfriend, lover, partner, mother, grandmother, aunt, etc. It's a personality trait for me, not a gender obligation.
If you really want gender equality, you need to step up your game. Being submissive and insisting the man pays is not going to change female oppression in the working world, or gender stereotypes. Expecting a man to pay is a form of benevolent sexism. The same can be said about thinking a woman is incomplete without a man or a man is incomplete without a woman, or that women should be rescued first in a fire, or that women are fragile and in need of protection. All benevolent sexism.
Better ideas:
- The one who does the asking is the one who does the paying.
- Going dutch. (Each putting in half)
- Trading off. (I pay this one, you pay next; every other)
- Compromise. (One person covers the meal while the other covers the tip; one person pays for the meal while the other pays for dessert; one
person pays for the meal while the other person pays for the gas spent
to get to/from the date.) This generally involves one person spending more money, however there are cases when the person genuinely likes being in charge of the tab. Like me.; I'm one of those cases.
THANK YOU!!!!! Men pay 89% of the time! At least the men, I date.
I loooove the fifth date and its options you provided, hehehe. Im a football fanatic so I enjoyed how you included football plays in it.
going dutch is Not an asian thing to do. Dont believe me? As your parents. As your japanese, chinese, vietnamese, korean, indonesian, cambodian, laotian, mongolian friend's parents.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - you dont need to know what Dutch means, babe. Any girl whose ever had a Ducth experience....I feel sorry for them.
Haha this was pretty funny. As a man, I am compelled to just pay every time. It's just the way I am, though if she really insists, I'll let her.
Awesome - I'll keep this in mind.
But what happens when it's two girls going out? Or two guys?
^_^
Only time i go dutch is if I am not really interested in the guy or if it's just a guy friend of mine and we are not romantically linked.
The guy should pay on the first few dates.. and then when the relationship is a lil more serious.. we take turns.