Tuesday, 17 February 2009
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Should I Tell My Friend Her BF's Blatantly Cheating?
I have a friend named "John," and he's been dating "Ashley" for as long as I can remember - they did almost everything together, especially when John was in the service and lived near Ashley.Well, John's term in the service ended almost two years ago. He's now living across the country from Ashley but is still with her. Since his term's ended, he has been seeing and dating other girls behind Ashley's back
Apparently, John's dad didn't agree with or like what John was doing to Ashley, so he called her and ratted John out. Ashley was confused, but she didn't know if she wanted to believe John's dad either, because in the past, John's parents didn't like Ashley for childish reasons (ex: she was too short, she's chubby, she won't give you "pretty" babies, etc.)
Recently, Ashley came up to visit John. Because John knew that Ashley was coming to visit him, he ended up breaking off his relationships with his other two girlfriends he was dating on the side. When Ashley came up here, he acted like he was a faithful boyfriend and that everything was cool.
When Ashley was spending the night at John's sister-in-law's (let's call her "Judy") place, she asked Judy if John was dating other girls behind her back. Judy played dumb and acted like she didn't know anything, but of course, we all know what/who John has been doing behind Ashley's back.
My questions are...if you were Judy, would you tell her the truth? Or would you play dumb and act like you didn't know anything?
Of course, we girls should watch each other's back, but we don't want to get involved even if we knew what was happening, know it's morally wrong and don't agree with John's behavior, and would like Ashley to know the truth.
And yes, after Ashley went back home, John got back with his other two girlfriends by the side. To this day, he is still with Ashley (who still have no clue, by the way) and is falling for one of the girlfriends he had.
Twist is, he's joining another branch in the service again. He'll be located near Ashley. He still wants to be with Ashley but the one who he is falling for, may end up moving with him to attend school there. Is it time Ashley will finally discover the truth or will he play his game right?
Would you tell Ashley what was up, or would you rather not get involved?
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Comments (138)
Okay, whoever you are in the story, you better tell her RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
Tell her she deservse to know how would u feel if u were dating some 1 and ur bff knew he was cheating would u be mad at her when u found out......
She needs to know, and she needs to know fast, before she starts expecting him to propose or something. And then she needs to dump him flat on his ass, because he doesn't deserve her.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
If this is a true story, rat the freak out.
Otherwise, good (though obvious) hypothetical scenario.
You should tell her. I'd want to know if someone was cheating on me.
Yes. She needs to know. Don't be a nice friend who lets her think everything is going to be okay - it'll end eventually, and when it does end, it'll be way worse then if you tell her the honest truth. It's going to be hard for her to hear, and she may no believe it, but at least once you tell her, she can do what she wants with that information.
If she is asking "Judy" if he is cheating on her...chances are she has a suspicion. Most girls don't just go around asking that unless then have a clue.
Bottom line is, you'd be a bad friend to keep this from her. Tell her. I think you know what you need to do, you're just afraid to hurt her feelings - sometimes that's what it takes to be a good friend.
Tell her! She deserves someone who'll love and respect her better.
p.s. what's up with all these cheating posts? kinda depressing.
If she finds out on her own, it will be hard.
If she finds out on her own and then proceeds to find out that everyone else already knew, imagine how much harder that will be and how much more alone she will feel.Be a good friend and tell her.
I would definitely want to know, if it was me.
You submitted this post because you know the RIGHT action is to tell her, but you're scared because it's hard. Well, friend, what's right isn't always what's easy, but you had damn well better do it anyway.
Tell her.
The sooner the better.
I would tell her!
Someone needs to tell this girl. It should have been WAY sooner because now the heartbreak will be coupled with betrayal. I can't believe this guy, but I can't believe that no one's told his "girlfriend" either! (Though, she hardly qualifies as such.)
I understand not wanting to get involved, but where's your sense of compassion? This is a horrible thing to let someone persist in--a dead end, unfaithful relationship.
i would tell her if it was me. mostly because i think it's a little cruel for everyone to be discussing and "omg!!"ing behind her back but keeping her in the dark about it.
on the other hand, don't take emotional responsibility for what she DOES with the information: she may not believe you, accuse you of lying, or worse- believe you and keep dating him anyway. your responsibility as a friend is to tell her, not to make her do the right thing and dump his ass.
@tubbz87 - i was thinking the same thing! can't anyone just keep it in their pants?!?
:)
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - YEAH!
Tell her.
I hated it when I found out my ex was cheating on me with my friend's friend. The worst part, my "friend" knew my ex was dating her friend, but didn't tell me. That's fucked up.
Seriously it is time to cut the crap. He is making this young woman waste her time on him when he is not worth it and if he is "falling" for one of the other girls... that is definitely not fair towards "Ashley" in the least. If you have any respect for this girl you will tell her that "john's" father was telling her the truth and you are tired of seeing John do this and it is not fair to Ashley. A good friend will always tell the truth even if it is hurtful... Honesty is necessary in ANY relationship, not just with SO's but with friends as well otherwise it is not a good relationship.
tell her. he's a dick. you should tell the other girls what he's doing too, if they don't know.
should tell her the truth, asap!
Why the hell are you and everyone else waiting to tell her? She deserves to know, and if he's not man enough to tell her, then she needs to at least know her friends are looking out for her! Tell her!!!
Since she asked, I would not have played dumb, I would have told her. I think she needs to know, and this guy doesn't seem like the type to be honorable and tell her himself.
True friends would tell. That relationship is toxic.
why is society making this acceptable! Almost makes me wanna do it, I mean this is like if you can rob the bank and get away with it, almost everyone would do it!
i would tell her no matter how much it hurts. no one deserves shit like that and i hope he gets it 10x worse.
If she asked me, I'd tell her. I don't think I could lie. And if he's sleeping with the other girls, she has a right to know. What if one of them has an STD? And even if they didn't, what if the relationship progresses, she gets even more attached to him, he continues to cheat on her, and then she finds out he's been cheating on her for a very long time? That would suck!
The crazy part about that situation is if youtell her, she'd be too scared to actually believe it. In that case, you are going to have to let her find it out for herself. It takes one time to tell the truth, before she kicks you out, and finds out the truth sooner or later.
So leaving her to find out the hard way is something you should leave as a last resort, if she isn't listening.