So a friend of mine has been dating this girl for a couple of years now. He's crazy about her, and I thought she really liked him, too. That is, until the other day.
They have been saying "I love you" for quite some time, and they recently decided to start talking marriage. He even went and bought her a promise ring, which I guess means they'll probably get engaged within the next year or two. Now, here's the problem:
She doesn't wear it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is that not a major red flag?
She claims that she "doesn't like jewelry" and "he knows that she carries it in her purse". But here's the thing. When you love someone, and I mean really and truly are in love with someone, like head-over-heels-googly-eyed-and-foolish love someone (which is usually the case when you haven't been together that long), dumb stuff like that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much you "hate jewelry". It doesn't matter if you are allergic to jewelry. I always thought a woman who was head-over-heels in love with her man would let her finger turn green and fall off before she was willing to take that ring off. A woman madly in love with her man would wear that ring like it was part of her hand.
I know I'm exaggerating, but not that much...
Is this a bad sign? Guys, what would you think if you bought your girlfriend a ring and she didn't wear it? Women, would you wear a piece of jewelry your man bought you (especially one this significant!) even if you hated jewelry?
Recommend
Comments (434)
I would say so
i would think she was not that head over heals in love with me.
Yay I got the first comment.
HUGE RED FLAG Maybe she won't wear it because she doesn't want other guys to know she;s so obviously taken. She could be with him just until she finds someone better to take his place.
If a guy that I was in love with bought me a promise ring, I'd wear that sucker all the damn time. Literally. I'd take it off at night, but put it back on in the morning. So yes, it'd be a red flag.
I'm not a big fan of jewelry but if my SO bought me one, especially if it's a promise ring, I'd wear it. And yes, this isn't a particularly good sign.
maybe the rock's too small.
Yeah that isn't a good sign, unless she is hiding it from her parents or something. I know if I got a promise ring that thing would never leave my finger, but I never got the point of promise rings, seems like the "middle-man" of engagement. we decided to by pass that.
I would say red flag. In the words of my friend sitting next to me..I would have that thing superglued to my finger.
@abcxunt@xanga - I like your logic.
a promise ring is like a bad substitute for the real thing... i mean, an engagement ring. less meaningful to me. i kind of hate the idea of promise rings in the first place.
that being said, that's really wrong of her not to wear it.. if she claims to love him, she should!
Okay, think Carrie wearing Aidan's ring on a necklace around her neck because she couldn't bear putting it on her finger. She claimed it was closer to her heart...but mostly, she wasn't ready for it. But then with Big...no issue. I'd be wary. I barely even want to take my ring off for maintenance, let alone not wear it at all. The fact that she's not wearing the promise ring might be a bad sign...
Then again, some girls aren't ring people. She may be one who doesn't even want an engagement ring. Some girls are just like that. I hope that's the issue, here, and not something more serious...
-Katie
Maybe she finds it really uncomfortable, or maybe it doesn't fit, and she doesn't have the heart to tell him.
I think it's something they need to discuss, definitely.
I wouldn't be caught dead without a promise ring, if someone gave one to me. It's like an engagement ring to become engaged.
Though perhaps she feels rushed, or slightly panicked in the "Ohmigosh this is real" sense. Then she might need some reassurance.
Either way, I would be slightly concerned.
I'm not a huge ring person but if my boyfriend of almost 3 years bought me any kind of ring for any reason at all I'd never take the damn thing off.
I love Jewlrey, but I've never really been that big of a fan of rings. They feel weird for some reason. My boyfriend bought me a ring, and I wear it. I don't
evertake it off. The only time I do is when I shower. It's become a part of my finger. If you're going to take off that ring, you might as well cut off my finger.
If they've been together for two years, shouldn't the guy know that she doesn't like jewelery and would probably not wear it?
And I don't agree with the statement that "It doesn't matter if you are allergic to jewelry." Clearly, you've never been allergic to a piece of jewelery. I got horrible itching and burning rash with pus oozing out from a cheap sterling silver ring that my bf got me last year. So I never wore it.
Definitely a big sign that something is wrong. Maybe she is afraid of a commitment. He should try to get a no bs answer from her, which is hard because we women like to guard ourselves for the most part.
Except for earrings, I don't tend to wear jewelry at all, even the ones I got as gifts. But I'd definitely get over it if a guy gave me a promise ring. I mean, c'mon! how many guys do that kinda stuff now?!
I don't think it's necessarily a red flag that she doesn't wear it. On the contrary—maybe him giving her a promise ring at all is a red flag.
Maybe at age 16 or 17 a promise ring is okay, but I'm in my 20s now. If I'd been dating a guy for 2 or 3 years, and we're in our mid-20s, out of college, and he gave me a promise ring, I'd wonder if HE was really committed.
I would wear it, and when I wasn't I'd be wearing it as a necklace (I go through phases where I always wear jewelry, to I never).
When I was in love, I wanted every person I met to know about it. I was ready to whip out his picture at a moment’s notice, and make sure everyone who would listen knew how incredibly in love I was. If it were me, I would never ever take off the ring. No matter the occasion, I would be wearing it, and trying to draw people's attention to it.
That said...I am not sure it necessarily spells the end. Some men (and some women) don't wearing wedding rings, because they just don't like rings. I can't honestly say I understand why someone would not want to wear a promise ring, but everyone’s different. It might be a bad sign, but I am not sure it means all hope is lost.
Alisha
I don't wear all the jewelry that my boyfriend gives me, but anything majorly significant (his class ring, which stays around my neck) I would never take off, even if it was ugly.
The first question that comes to my mind is if this girl has always opted out of wearing jewelry. If she has, then it makes sense why she doesn't want to wear the ring. I don't wear necklaces and bracelets because I have eczema. The constant contact makes my skin irritated. And my SO knows that, which is why he doesn't buy me jewelry, unless it's earrings. Sometimes, jewelry isn't always wearable...
But if she's always worn jewelry, even on occasion, then I would think something is up.
To answer the specific questions, I would go out of my way to wear a piece of jewelry if my SO bought it for me. Even if it was ugly on the outside, it would still hold lots of significance.
maybe something is wrong, i would wear because he went through all that trouble to get one, the least i can do is wear it..