So many people are quick to break up after being cheated on. I don't think being cheated on is something anyone can easily overlook, but I do think that the situation must be totally evaluated before kicking them to the curb. Many people have different ideas about whether or not you should forgive someone.
Reasons to forgive versus not forgive:-Was he or she honest about it or did he/she try to cover it up while trying to make you feel crazy for your accusations?
If he/she denies it at first, then he/she is just scared and ashamed giving the confession rather quickly after the denial. This may be a reason to consider keeping him or her.
If he/she denies it over and over and tells you you're crazy even though you know better...he/she is just digging a hole.
-Did he/she accept responsibility or try to turn the blame towards you?
"I know, I was a jerk. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you and should never have done this to you." - something to think about.
"Well, it never would have happened if you were more affectionate towards me." - digging a hole. This may be true, but this is not going to win any points.
-Was this the first time or has it happened before?
If this was not the first time, then it sounds to me like he/she may have a true issue with cheating. You have to really think about whether or not this is a situation in which you can handle this happening over and over.
If it was the first time he/she has cheated, then maybe that's because he or she isn't someone who would normally do something like this. This may truly be a signal that he or she has just made a one time mistake. I would consider forgiveness.
Before forgiving or kicking to the curb, you must truly think about how you feel about this person. Would it be easier to forgive and see where it goes versus kicking them to the curb and thinking about what could have been? You must truly get a feel for how you feel about this person and how he/she feels about you.
Would you forgive someone for cheating on you? Have you ever cheated and truly regreted it?
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Comments (98)
once a cheater, always a cheater.
Once he decides to cheat on me, so long, good bye, senor! I really don't care how sorry he is or if it were a mistake. It shouldn't happen in the first place, anyways.
Besides, I'm not really good at forgiving people for these things. I rather let go and start out fresh by myself or with someone new.
I don't think I would ever be able to look at someone in the eyes again and say that he makes me happy, if he has cheated on me. I don't think I would ever again be able to have sex with someone who has cheated on me.
No, for me, the relationship would be over, for good. No negotiations.
very helpful. thanks
I don't care if the guy is on his hands and knees begging to take him back, I'll never forgive a cheater. I'd rather just kick his ass out the door.
I think you should always forgive a cheater, no matter how many times they do it.
Staying with a cheater, on the other hand, is a whole other issue. I think that cheating, even if it is a one time mistake, really breaks a relationship beyond repair. Some people can probably manage to be relatively happy in the relationship afterward, but I don't think the relationship will ever reach its full potential.
yeah, it's quite hard to forgive and continue the relationship.
I used to be black and white about this issue - If he cheats on me once, his ass is out the door.
But now, I'm learning that there are shades of grey, and it really does depend on a lot of factors and how he acts afterward.
I think we put too much emphasis on the sexual act of cheating but we overlook a lot of other acts of cheating, especially emotional ones that, IMO, are more damaging to the relationship.
I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, I guess.
@abcxunt@xanga - Not true.
@tigerdauphin@xanga - I completely agree. Emotional cheating is far worse.
I would never forgive someone if they cheated on me. I don't care what the excuse is, it's only an excuse. Fancy words won't take away that betrayal.
Sometimes I wish it was just this easy to decide whether or not you should forgive someone and whether or not they deserve a second chance.
Forgiveness doesn't mean I'm going to stay with them. I can forgive someone for cheating on me, but my trust in them is gone. And if I choose to kick them to the curb, I know that I'm not going to regret it.
A line like, "If she really loved me she'd forgive me and take me back," is not going to work either. Maybe I really did love him, and I might even feel in my heart that I want to stay with him, but I also have to have some respect for myself. After a while perhaps we can be friends, but I don't think I'd want to take another chance at being hurt by the same person, whether it was their first time cheating or not.
once a cheater, always a cheater.
and I have proof. a friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend. before that, he cheated on his previous girlfriend, with this girl. he's cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had. and now he's cheating on her again, with me. (i know, i'm trying to end it...not as easy as you'd think...)
He claims that she is so lienient with him because she knows they wouldn't be together unless he had cheated on his previous girlfriend. During the relationship, she cheated on him also, he looks past that because he knows his own history, and everytime he's cheated on her since, she remembers that he took her back after she cheated on him. I think anyone would agree that this is not a good relationship, at all.
One chance, you're allowed to screw up once. that's my theory. If you don't learn your lesson the first time, then you'll never learn. If it gets too far, things get to hectic, and the relationship becomes about looking past too much because of what you've done yourself. Everyone screws up, I understand that. But when it comes to relationships, you can't screw up.
I may not forgive him right away but when I do entually forgive him, I wouldn't have stayed with him because of all the hurt and betrayal and the trust is gone.
Never cheated before. Never going to. Also never going to forgive ex for doing it to me and lying about it.
I have been cheated on and forgave.
And I have cheated and have been forgiven.
But I never cheated again after that. And I really don't plan to. I learned my lesson. And I am moving past that and moving on. So therefore, I can say that not everyone follows the 'once a cheater always a cheater.'
Absolute statments aren't that fair, I believe.
@StandUp2Life@xanga - I don't think that's true. You can't judge everyone as a whole just by that one person. That's called a sweeping generalization and is a logical fallacy.
I have cheated before, and I am damn sure not going to do it again. And I have no temptation to. I have been in three other relationships since I have cheated, and in this current one we are just about to hit our one year.
I don't mean to offend you, though! So if I did, I'm terribly sorry. I'm just wanting to get my message out there as well. (:
i have cheated before, and have been forgiven. it was wrong and horrible, and I have no idea what I was thinking. I have learned my lesson and I am never ever going to cheat on someone again. I think it was totally childish, and so not worth it. So I get upset with the phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater." Because it's definitely not true for all people, and if you were in the situation you would probably feel the same.
I beg to differ on the "once a cheater, always a cheater" comment. that is not true, some people never change but some people DO. I cheated twice, but I was young and stupid, and most people at 14 don't use their head. I didn't. but I got it back MULTIPLE times, I know how it feels. I am 2O now and never have I cheated since, nor do I plan on it. just cause some people cheat and keep on with that kind of treatment with everyone else they are with is no reason to be hating on everyone else that has done it and has changed for the better.
@irreplaceablex@xanga - okay, not everyone, I mispoke. But like I said, when they're with a person and cheat once, if they don't learn there lesson, I feel that they will never learn. Some people will always be cheaters. I guess I more meant that if someone cheats perpetually, and makes a habit of it - it becomes too much of a game and it's hard to get out of that cycle.
No offence taken, I should have clairified what I meant...
my current cheated on me couple years ago and i forgave him. it took a bit of work, but i trust him again
i will never forgive someone who cheats on me
I have cheated in the past and i now it was a mistake.I was lucky enough to get a guy that forgave me....and trust me i'll never cheat again.But if my boyfriend ever cheated on me i now i would forgive him....i now this for a fact cause he did cheat on me....i thought it would be a mistake tyo forgive him but it wasn't and i luv him more then ever even tho there are still a few scars left to heal.
I forgave my ex, twice.
I finally broke it off 6 months after the second time though, however, that was for more reasons than just the cheating.
He, however, blamed his cheating on me. Big no-no, but I was naive.