Saturday, 14 February 2009
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"Can I Cheat to Get Back at Someone for Cheating on Me?"
Mr. Giraffe They say love is a game. While I agree with that statement, I think it only applies to the stages before declaring each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" or what have you.
So when my friend Ted told me he was planning on cheating on his girlfriend Caroline, I was shocked. I asked him why and he said, "Because Caroline cheated on me."
"I thought you forgave her for that," I said, suddenly doubting my knowledge of the Ted/Caroline love-saga.
Ted explained to me that when he found out some other dude was naked with his girl, he felt castrated, humiliated and emasculated. She was sorry and he forgave her after two weeks of not talking to her. But he wasn't completely sure she knew how horrible it felt to have his girl cheat on him. So he decided that, if the opportunity came up, he'd cheat on her in order to "give her a taste of her own medicine". Sure enough, there is a girl he is interested in and he wants to go through with his plan.
The first question I asked was, does this other girl know that you're using her? Then I told him I thought his plan was immature and if he really loved Caroline, he wouldn't need to show her what it feels like to be cheated on. I told him "true love" wasn't a game with a winner or a loser.
He mulled it over for a few days and I still don't know what he's going to decide.
What do you think? Is it okay to cheat on someone to get revenge for being cheated on?
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Comments (107)
I've thought about doing it before but then thought again, what good would come from it? Nothing probably other than a guilty conscience. Following the old clique "two wrongs don't make a right".
No. Two wrongs dont make a right.. it maybe an old saying but it still holds true today. i cant count how many times ive over heard my friends and even my family members discuss this.. Everytime, it doesnt end pretty. His best bet is to either think carefully, if he does truely love this girl, forgiving her should be more than enough.. Getting even doesnt prove anything..
Nah, you had it right. Love isn't supposed to be a game. Relationships, however, sometimes are. What he's planning on doing is not love, it's the relationship game. It's juvenile and belongs in high school. That being said, if that IS his maturity level, then he's simply immature. It's definitely not 'right', it's not 'justified', it's not 'mature', but not everyone does the right things all the time.
Hurting someone you care about intentionally just so they know how it feels is twisted, childish, immature, and shows that he clearly doesn't care enough. It breaks my heart when people I care about cry, and you know, they never cry over me. If they did, it'd break my heart even worse. Tell him it's time for the relationship to end. He's not ready to be in a serious relationship, and even if he is, it's not supposed to be with her. Tell him to go back to being single until he grows up. Nothing wrong with acting his (mental) age, but don't jerk around some girl while he does it, even if she's not pristine either.
Two wrongs don't make a right. They make a left. Left him because he's an idiot.
"What do you think? Is it okay to cheat on someone to get revenge for being cheated on?"
Are you kidding me?! That is one of the dumbest questions I've heard in a long time! NO, it isn't.
No, that's not okay. Why would you want to cause your SO pain if you care (maybe even love) about them??
I agree with what you told your friend: "Then I told him I thought his plan was immature".
That really is immature. It may feel like a good choice because you want them to feel the same pain they caused you, but if he thinks it over a little bit more, I think he'll realize that will only lead to further problems.
wow thats not right what he is going to do, obviously he doesnt forgive her because he is about to cheat on her, Now if he goes back and tell her that he did this just to get her back and then she goes and cheats on him again then this relationship isnt meant to be. Also this might back fire on his ass and she might leave his ass NOW THATS GOING TO BE FUNNY AS HELL..LMAOOO
Thats what people get for trying to claim they forgive someone then calls themself going out and getting them back. i mean dont get me wrong the chicka is wrong for cheating on his ass but damn she is human and everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect and she apolize and he forgave her so i think he is in the wrong what he is doing. pretty sad and really imature if u ask me.
I had a friend who her husband cheated on her. She told him she forgave him but she never really forgave him or forget about it. Holding onto it she became bitter and held a grudge against her husband. She then had the opportunity to cheat on her husband "to get him back" and she did. Did she feel like she got him back? Nope. Hearing her rant about it, I think she feels worst afterward.
If you're going to cheat, do it for your own pleasure. Don't do it to get back at someone. Two wrongs don't make a right and you are also involving and hurting others that you shouldn't be in the first place.
If you simply cannot forgive someone for cheating on you, maybe you shouldn't be with that person anymore.
I think not getting revenge is revenge enough. To be the better man or woman by not going out and doing something just to get back at someone who hurt you is enough revenge in itself. But that's just me.
@lilsexypyrogirl@xanga - If his friend does go through and she leaves him, I'd be laughing hard too!
And like everyone has been saying, it's absolutely wrong for your friend to cheat just to get even with his girlfriend. It's never ok to cheat on someone because they cheated on you first. It's a blame game you're friend is playing and he's immature. She shouldn't have done it but has come around to admitting she was wrong and apologized for it. And by your friend wanting to get even, he never forgave her for it like he claimed to have. He's immature and needs to grow up.
No matter which way you look at the situation, what he's doing is no good. He'd be using another girl, who could possibly be hurt when she figures that out. "Oops, yeah. I was using you to pay back my girlfriend. Now that I've paid her back, we're chill. Sorry, I really don't wanna date you."
Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say. And when it comes to cheating to get back at your SO for doing that, it's going to make things way worse. He obviously isn't over the fact that she done that, he obviously hasn't forgiven her; otherwise he wouldn't have even devised this kind of plan in the first place. Sure, she may deserve it, but that doesn't mean that it's right.
He'll cheat on her, and in turn she'll be hurt, upset, etc. Just like he was, possibly worse. How many times have you heard a story that goes like, "Girl cheated on boy. Boy cheated on girl for revenge. Everybody lived happily ever after."? Exactly, nobody lives happily ever after. If he can't get over it, what makes him think that she'll get over it when he does the same thing? So, we've got resentment on his end thus far, yep, lets pile it on double thick.
If he does that, he'll just be making it worse. Way worse. I doubt she'll laugh it off and say, "Haha, yah got me!" and they move on. He'd still be upset and she'd be freshly upset.
That's not true love at all, as far as I'm concerned it's not love in general. He'd be hurting her on purpose. Whether she done that to him or not isn't much of the point, the fact is that he'd be hurting her on purpose -- What kind of love is that? It doesn't sound like love at all. I can understand a man getting pissed, upset, etc; but if he's coming up with plans to hurt her and get revenge? Uh, yeah, if there was love, it's probably out the window by now.
I do sympathize with him though. Maybe instead of getting revenge, he could just dump her.
You could, but you won't feel great about it afterward. And it definitely won't solve anything.
He should just move on. Enough with the games already.
If I were him I would've broken up with that chick. She slept with another guy for Pete's sake!
No. Pfft... How old are these people? Ten?
No! What a dumb idea. He clearly has not forgiven her if he's trying to get back at her. If he can't get over it, he needs to break up with her. As so many other commenters said, "Two wrongs don't make a right"--because nobody wins! Everyone ends up being in the wrong, and everyone is unhappy.Â
No. Could you live up your life if you slept with someone else rather than your lover? I would feel dirty even thinking so.
No, because cheating on her isn't going to make him forget her crime. He's always going to distrust her, etc.
Cheating on her isn't going to solve the real problem
I love the " umfriends" definition, thanks for the friend add!
It's never right...an eye for an eye, and the whole world goes blind. Revenge is a terrible tool to use in a relationship, plus who knows what you'll catch trying to prove a point. He'd feel terrible afterwards anyways, if he has a conscience. Plus, planning it might even be worse than it just happening and calling it even. I doubt the girl planned to cheat on him, which doesn't make really make a difference much. Cheating is always wrong no matter the reason. Oh and forgiveness means letting it go, and not rubbing it in their face any longer. If you can't do that, then you are not really forgiving someone. I'm not saying forget, just don't throw it in the forgiven's face.
That's repulsive. Cheaters are bad enough as it is...revenge cheaters are even worse.
This jerk would not only be willing to carry out revenge on his own girlfriend (definitely no love in this scenario), but he's also going to use some other woman to do it! How selfish and twisted is that? And he won't feel better after doing it, either. He needs to take some logic pills...two wrongs don't make a right.
Absolutely not possible! I honestly don't even know how this concept cam about. To want to cheat on your SO for cheating on you is more about self love than love for your SO. If this doesn't make sense to you, then sorry. It makes perfect sense to me.
It is never okay to cheat on someone, under any circumstances. It's pretty much saying, "Two wrongs don't make a right." If someone was to kill someone you know, would you killing someone they knew be justified? No, it's the same awful action that now you yourself will have to deal with.
nope, you're just sinking down to their level.
By doing that you're just condoning the other person's actions. Why would you do that? It just complicates things.