Saturday, 14 February 2009
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Do You Let Your SO Dance with Other People?
I'm not a jealous girlfriend at all. My boyfriend gets hit on by girls pretty regularly, and sometimes I'm even there to see the flirty texts. I tend to just laugh them off or reply with something funny and snarky and that's that. We have good laughs about it.
Honestly, it just doesn't bother me. I know that the vast majority of girls he knows are pretty promiscuous, so it's not that they're targeting him, it's just that they do it to all guys. He loves this about me, as the other girls he's dated used to be really possessive and didn't even like seeing him talking to girls, and to have the complete opposite in me just makes him really glad. I just trust him. I know that he knows that none of those girls could ever treat him as well as I do or have as much fun with him as we do, so if he decided to stray one day, that's his loss and I know he'll feel it.However, he talked to me about going partying with his boys the other day and it made so uncomfortable, something really out of character for me. In past relationships, I've never really cared about my boyfriends dancing with other girls. I mean, it's just dancing, right? But I gave it some more thought and seriously, grinding is way too sexual for my taste. Not that I don't dance, but just the idea of my boyfriend grinding with another girl feels wrong. I mean, I know the way hard-ons work, man. You don't control those. And I HATE the idea of my BF getting an erection from rubbing up on another girl. Basically, it's just a really sexually charged situation for him to be in and it makes me feel awkward. I told him about it and he said he won't go if I feel weird about it, but I feel bad being the killjoy on his plans for a night out. But like he said, he wouldn't feel right out doing his thing if he thought I was at home thinking about it.
So am I overreacting? How do you feel about your SO dancing with people of the opposite sex? Is it really innocent or is it something to feel uneasy about?
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- From: yoshistar@xanga
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Comments (225)
Its wrong!
I have no problem with my SO dancing with someone else as long as it isn't sexual or provocative.
I remember on my prom night. Me and my then boyfriend got in a fight and I started crying all because he didnt want me to dance with other people. I tried for an hour to get him up to dance with me and he didn't want to. So after a while I just went up to go dance with my friends (4 girls and 1 boy) and he totally blew up at me.
This is a tough one, if my g/f is dancing with someone I know I don't have too much problem with it. But if it is with a stranger I wouldn't necessary get angry , but definitely would be uneasy about it. I wouldn't say you are overreacting.
If I had one, I wouldn't appreciate it.
@tony_asian_tiger@xanga - Agreed.
But most likely, I prefer my husband to dance with me and only me. I'm sure he wouldn't like it either if I went off dancing with other men.
I don't think you are overreacting. You're his gf. You have the right to feel uncomfortable about the idea.
i wouldn't llike my boyfriend dancing with someone else at all.
a lot of the time dancing leads on to other stuff, so surely it is only for you and your bf to do.
@jeezshoua@xanga - believe it or not, I had g/f telling me that its not a big deal that she is dancing with some guy b/c it is just dancing. But when I dance with some girl (nothing like grinding or bumping) she would blow up on me.
My boyfriend feels uncomfortable dancing with other women and I feel the same way.
@tony_asian_tiger@xanga - I heard a lot of those before. "I" can do it but "you" can't. It's all good when s/he is doing it but when you do it, it's a no no. Why's that? Apparently, she wasn't thinking how you would feel when she did it but when you went and do it, she got a taste of her own medicine. Geez!
@jeezshoua@xanga - You need to teach a class only for women, and the class is "how to be logical"
Dancing is okay, but that's only because my definition of dancing doesn't include grinding, gyrating, freaking movements. I think you have a right to be weirded out about it, especially because you're not crazy psycho over the situation.
@tony_asian_tiger@xanga - Puaharharhar! Maybe I should. Then again, maybe I should let them learn on their own mistakes.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Some women never learn from their mistakes, b/c they don't realize they made mistake and none of their friends tell them they made mistake. So you see, you could be helping the female species greatly.
You know what would be really hot? Meet him there masquerade style and you can be the girl he's grinding up against all night long. This way you don't have to go along with "Boy's Night Out", you both get to dance, and you remind him that you're the coolest and the sexiest girl around. If you want, you can even wear a masquerade mask. After a night of grinding up against you, when you leave and he's alone with the boys again I'm sure he won't be able to stop thinking about the next time he gets to have you alone!
in theory i wouldn't mind. it's just dancing, even if it's grinding. but i've never been confronted with the situation.
i think your concern isn't completely unreasonable. but keep in mind that some guys have really good boner control...or at least, i do. i've never popped one when grinding with a girl.
My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this before, I told I wouldn't allow him to dance with other girls. I had the same thoughts about him dancing with other girls just like you, grinding. So, no...I wouldn't allow him..
yes, sometimes we go to bars pretending we don't know each other....and then somehow we bump into each other and play out the whole "take home a stranger" thing
i let him dance with enbudy he wantz to & i dont care about the gender/orientayshun of hiz dance partnerzÂ
i hate dancing unless its tribal
@tony_asian_tiger@xanga - Agreed.
It's totally reasonable for you to be uneasy about it. Maybe you could just tell him, "I don't mind that you go out and dance with other girls, but could you...ya know, not grind on them?". Maybe he would be alright with you saying that, I don't know.
You know your bf better than we do so whatever you think would be the best way to approach this so that both of you were at ease.
I'm sure you'll work it out, you seem like a very reasonable, level-headed person.
you're definitely not overreacting. i don't think i'd want any guys dancing with my girl at all. just the thought of another man with his hands on her hips would make me really unhappy. i wouldn't even tell her she absolutely couldn't, but i'd totally hint that i wouldn't like it.
"Normal" dancing is fine, but bumping and grinding is inappropriate. I don't think it's bad to feel uncomfortable about him going, if you know it's THAT kind of party. And it's nice of him to consider your feelings as well, instead of getting mad and going anyway.
If I had a bf I think I'd want to be there with him if he goes to a party where there's dancing--if I'm invited to go, that is.
My boy is in a fraternity, so he dances with other girls at parties. and when i'm at other fraternities partying I dance with other guys. I also dance with his frat bros at his house. I tell all the guys I'm dancing with, I have a guy, so its just a dance. And the girls he dances with know the same thing. So its just us having fun. He and I definitely dance alot together too. Its just at his frat house, i am friends w/ so many guys so dancing is just a way we have fun! :)
Well the fact you talked to him about how it made you feel uncomfortable isn't overreacting. Telling him to not go because you were uncomfortable would be more along the lines of overreacting.
My current/last bf (unsure where my reationship with him currently stands at the moment) wasn't much of a crowd person like I was. But if ever he decided to go out dancing I might be a litte uncomfortabe with the idea but I'd have to trust him not to do anything stupid. I guees if I put some kind of limit like don't get sexual with it and no grinding I'd be ok with it. And at least out of respect I would set that same limit for myself.
I'm so similar to you! I feel the same about the whole jealousy issue and how it doesn't bother me. Grinding though is a bit much and I think it's fair to say something if it bothers you. My boyfriend and I have a mutual understanding on the matter about going out and set a boundary of what is okay and what's not. It's okay for us to dance with others, just don't go rubbing up against another person because that's just not okay. :)
My boyfriend doesn't really like dancing (seriously, he only danced slow songs with me at both proms!) so I don't really have to worry about him dancing with other girls. I think dancing in and of itself is fine, but grinding and other provocative movements are a no-no. Just my opinion.
I am going to my college's informal with another guy (kind of hard to take my boyfriend when he's on the other side of the country - literally), and while he seems upset that HE can't take me, he doesn't mind me going or even dancing with my date, but he also knows I don't dance like a skank.
I think trust is ultimately what it comes down to. An erection triggered by such dancing, which seems to be what you are worried about, can be caused by many things, not just sexual actions. And honestly, they can't be controlled.
Just my two cents.