Saturday, 14 February 2009
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I Thought Mama Said, "You Can't Hurry Love"
I've always been told that I worry too much, especially because it's usually about things I "shouldn't even be worrying about in the first place." Now I know it's genetic. The following is a conversation between my mom and I that took place last Friday, via Yahoo! Instant Messenger (yeah, that's right, I "chat" with my mom [also, please excuse poor grammar and mechanics]):Me: helloAs an isolated incidence I wouldn't think (too) much of it, but on my last day of winter break, my mom was laying on her bed just thinking about something so I lay down beside her and asked her what she was thinking about.
Mom: hi, when was the party at Toledo where the band played and you met Deb from online?
Me: i have no idea, 2005? 2006?
Mom: no her last one was 2004
Me: so probably 2004, i dont know why
Mom: her boys were interested in you at the time lol
Me: ... thats nice, someone 5+ years ago was mildly interested in me, let's try to stick with the more recently interested...
Mom: he still might be, us moms got this under control just never you mind missy
Me: i'd ask if i should be alarmed but i already am
Mom: hes a rapper
Mom: I was just thinking about your first date.It makes me sad, to a degree, because I think my mom is disappointed she never really got to do the normal mom things like help me pick out outfits for dates, give me tips about said dates, take pictures of awkward teenagers going out on dates and all that other nonsense. Honestly, I'm disappointed, too, but it happens. I just didn't know it bothered her so much. In high school my mom was always telling me not to worry about guys, even when I was obviously distraught ("What if they NEVER like me!?!?").
Me: You mean... the one I haven't had yet?
Mom: [laughing] ...yeah.
Me: And what were you thinking about it?
Mom: He'll have to give you plenty of notice so I can come down there that day.
Me: [said with mild sarcasm] Why...? So you can take pictures or something?
Mom: [no sarcasm] Yep.
She told me to be my own person and if guys couldn't see how great I was, then "screw 'em!" (though I'm sure no pun intended... or maybe I missed the meaning of that particular pearl ...dang). In any event, she assured me that somewhere down the road, I'd meet a guy who would see how great I was (I'm not conceited, that's really what she said) and that I should just live my life and be happy.
In the past few months I've finally, finally gotten to a point where I am happy and I don't need or want a relationship. That happiness would be even more wonderful if it weren't for one small hiccup.
The last couple of years, my mom and Ron have gone crazy with jokes about my singleness, they are continually pushing for me to have "interactions" with guys and encouraging me to "get out there" and be social. They want me to go on dates, "find a man," and be in a relationship. Why?
What happened to "live life and be happy"? Was that just a reflex response to my teenage anxieties about dating and relationships? Part of me wonders if the reason behind their "pushing" is because they don't think I'm happy or that I'm not behaving like a normal college student and engaging in enough social activities but... I'm fine. Well, I'm fine aside from the fact that I feel like I'm starring in a not-so-great movie in which my mom plays the matchmaker.
Seriously, a "rapper" that I met 5+ years ago and don't even remember? Is she that desperate to set me up with someone? I don't even know.
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- From: goodgirl_196@xanga
- About Me: I write to bridge the gap between what I know and understand and all that I don't know and understand. I write to find meaning in the meaningless, hope in the hopeless, and love in the loveless. I write to love the world, to hate it, to praise it, to laugh at it. I write to make words, to change words, to understand words. I write to analyze, critique, and question. I write to explore, change, and imagine. I write for sanity in a chaotic storm. I write to see beauty in ugliness. I write to see love in hate. I write to escape to a world away from my own. I write to learn. I write to educate. I write to understand myself in a way I hope someone else soon will.
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Comments (30)
It's good you're content with your life, don't worry about what your mom is pushing you to do. she had it right at the beginning. Relationships aren't something you just want to jump in to
*groan*
if you cant hurry luv
wut can you hurry
It's ok. My mom told me that if I wasn't in a serious relationship by the time I'm 24 she'll find me someone. Oh Indian mothers. *sigh*
@pansybradshaw@xanga - seriously can you stop typing like that? its bloody annoying.
No need to rush LOVE, but you should definitely date. Dating is fun and is good experience for future relationships. Even casual dating. It helps make you comfortable with 1 on 1 interactions. One thing I'll point out is that, there's a huge drop in potential social interactions once you leave college. Nobody told me that it would be so much harder to meet and date people once you're not longer on the same few acres as 50,000 age appropriate students all the time...
@pansybradshaw@xanga@jc_freedom@xanga
No joke. Honestly it melts my brain.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Yeah, I agree, it sucks.. and meeting new people is hard.
You're happy. That is ALL that matters. Sit down with her and tell her how you feel. I think she'll get the hint.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - I know!! And that is one of the things I am most afraid of, to be honest. I am so worried that when I leave college, I'm leaving my chances at a relationship far behind. Haha. Thank, God for grad school.
If you're okay with waiting on the subject, then wait for it. There is no need to rush if you don't feel like having a relationship. Just remember that you've gotta get out there when you feel like you are ready. The lack of experience in putting yourself out there will catch up to you later if you don't know what to do when you want the attention.
"screw 'em" lolol
Nice post. Well I'm no authority on the topic, but love cant be rushed. Love, like trust, takes time to grow and develop. Dating is cool though lol
I never thought about it either.
my mom never did those things with me as a teenager either.
I have dated though ...
your mom sounds so cool. it must be annoying with the change of mind she's got, but i think she has your best interests in mind. i suggest being patient and playing along if she is absolutely incessant
I say take your time and start dating on your own timing, I understand what your mother means, she wants to see her daughter go on dates, take pictures and stuff like that but it also has to be your own timing. I say go with your heart and if your not ready then thats fine. but when you are im sure your mom will be so proud. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!
@midgetmachine@xanga - haha my parents have always told me that i can't start dating until i'm financially independent--not that i care, and not that they could do anything about it even if they found out. but once in a while when i'm home for vacation, my dad will offer to set me up with someone. i assume, and to some degree hope, that he's just kidding. i don't think i'd ever trust my parents to set me up with a proper girl, lol. oh, indian fathers.
@Annalyn04@xanga - "Thank, God for grad school" yeah, that's a LOT easier to say when you're a girl! i think the ratio here is like...3:1?
You can have fun and be single. Occasionally sharing that fun with another person in a date-like form can also be good. You don't need to be head over heels in love to go on a first date. You just have to want to get to know the person a little more.
I rather see more girls like you who's content with their lives than girls who always rush to find their "soul mates" and melts down when their "soul mates" leave them. Sighs. The drama, I tell ya!
But dating is fun. And meeting new people are also. :)
The "hes a rapper" part got to me, LOL.
That's great that you can stand on your own two feet and enjoy life as a single woman! I've seen more girls whine about that kind of stuff. I think your mom is concerned that you'll never find anyone, but that it boils down to more than just happiness. Some parents just want the family line to continue, right (maybe it's a subconscious desire)? So by dating and then getting married and then having a kid you can be a normal part of the cycle.
Fortunately my mom doesn't pressure me, she never did in high school and she prefers that I not date until I finish school. I don't really have a problem with that, since I'm three years into college and highly doubt that I'll find anyone before graduation.
You and your mom have an awesome relationship. Anyway, you can still live life and be happy. Just let them know that you're not looking for a relationship, and maybe they'll stop comically hinting. Looking for prospective partners might not be a bad idea, though, just so that you know when you're ready for a relationship, you won't have to go through hordes of jerks to find the right person.
At least your mom isn't trying to get you to marry a casual friend you met 5+ years ago like mine did. When he decided to go become a priest in the Cathoic church, it was the happiest day of my life, but I think my mom's been bitter about any other guy I dated since she said that about my friend.
ha. i wish MY parents would try to find me a date instead of telling me that i shouldn't be thinking about guys until after i'm done with college -_-
Haha dear. she is just worried about you not finding someone. I think most moms are like that.
My parents didn't want me to get "mixed up" with guys until I was in college. Yea...that didn't work out too well.
Don't worry about your mom. She'll come around.