Friday, 13 February 2009

• Silly Datingish Women, Naivete is for Kids!

  I am not a particularly sympathetic person. I never have been. I'm not the friend you call when you want someone to tell you it'll be all right, there's plenty of fish in the sea, it'll all work out, etc. I'm the one you call when you want to hear what an ass the guy was or be told that you're being an idiot. Occasionally some of my comments around Datingish are ill-received due to their blunt nature, but I refuse to apologize for not sugar-coating the truth just because you're "fragile right now" or some such nonsense. If you're gonna post your business on the internet, be prepared to have your ego wounded.

  The reason I tell you this about myself is that lately I have seen a lot of posts on Datingish that make me want to give the writer a sharp reality-slap to the face, but I'm usually a little kinder than that in my comments. ...usually. To that end, I have compiled a list of instances, both from Datingish posts and my friends, that women really need to stop swimming in denial about.

  "I'm worried all he wants is sex"
  
  Well, if you have to ask...

  "He flirts with lots of girls, even though we're dating, but it's just the way he is"
  
  You know better that this! He's a manwhore. The same way the sun is the source of Superman's power, female attention is the source of this guy's. His Kryptonite? Monogamy.

  "He blows me off for his friends"
  
  If you're being melodramatic and he's not actually blowing you off, just not spending every second with you, then you need to take a chillaxative and mature a little.  If he genuinely is blowing you off (cancelling dates, ignoring you when you're out in a group, etc.) then it's because he's just not all that interested in you. When you get right down to it, hanging out with the guys is more important than you and your feelings. He probably talks trash about you to his oh-so-important friends when they're out too, because he obviously doesn't care about you. Hopefully, you're not okay with that and will talk to him. If talking doesn't change anything, leave him.

  "I was on my boyfriend's computer/phone/computer-phone and I found..."
  
  We'll get down to specifics of what you found in a minute, but you did what!? Unless you signed on to AOL, Hotmail, etc. and his inbox was up instead of yours, you are nothing but a dirty rotten snoop! And even if his inbox did show up, it's your own fault for what you find in there.
  "Oh, oh my! It is my boyfriend's email and not my own! Well I'll just log out and-...wait, who's [insert email address here] and why are there so many messages from them? Maybe I'll just open one and see if- OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL!?!?!??!!?"
  Yeah, totally your own fault.
  With phones, it's inexcusable. You didn't just happen to pick up his phone, open it, go into messages and read his texts/emails. You can't be mad about what you find if you go looking for it!
  You're all upset 'cause now you can't trust him? You were snooping through his stuff! Kinda the pot calling the kettle black there, hun.

  "I was on my boyfriend's computer/phone/computer-phone and I found..."
  
  1) "Inappropriate" texts back and forth between him and his ex/another girl
  Per the flirting one, he thrives on female attention. Now, while the definition of "inappropriate" may vary from sexual content to pet names, you're likely going to feel betrayed regardless and, guess what, you should. He is incapable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship with just you. He needs more. In short, you are not enough for this sleazeball; he's gotta keep a few ladies on the side to boost up his ego, or to occupy those nights you work late or weekends you're away.
  
  2) Anything of a pornographic/sexual nature, especially pictures
  It's not spam, it's just not. What do you do when you get spam? The address is unknown, the subject is a little too colloquial and engaging, so you usually just delete it without even opening it or you mark it as spam. Now, if you do mark something as spam (and, if you get enough of it, you will start), anything from that address goes directly into the spam folder. Not your boyfriend's inbox. He's at the very least communicating with these girls, if not hooking up with them, and probably sending them his fair share of naughty pictures as well

  "He cheated on me before, but he said he'd never do it again"
  
  ...? That's a joke, right? Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he didn't respect your relationship before, why would your catching him change anything? You may be tempted to fall for the following excuses:
  1) He was drunk
  Maybe he was, but that doesn't make it okay. Just because he can't remember screwing that chic from the bar in a cheap, asbestos-filled hotel room, does not mean it didn't happen. He went into the bar. He put himself around that girl. He kept drinking even after he knew he'd had enough. It was his choice, not the alcohol's.
  2) You two were going through a rough patch
  So, next time he's mad at you, just go screw the gas station attendant. Fair's fair, right?
  3) You weren't good enough/giving him enough/etc.
  This is so far from being your fault. You did not push him to cheat, no matter what you did. You could of been "not in the mood" for a month and it's still not your fault. He's scum. That's all there is to it.

  "He cheated on his other girlfriends, but he says it's different with me"
  
  Again, this had better be a joke. Even for a joke, this is sad. What do you think he said to the other girls? It wasn't the girls this guy had a problem with, it was the commitment. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. A leopard can't change its spots, and your guy probably doesn't even want to.

  "We used to talk all the time and now he never calls/texts/emails/whatever"
  
  You are getting the fadeout. He's setting the stage for a breakup, plain and simple. Either you'll never hear from him again, or sometime in the next month he'll say/send something along the lines of, "This isn't really working anymore" or "We should just go back to being friends". Save yourself the heartache and forget about him the second you start getting ignored.

  "He hit me"
  
  Why are you sitting on your ass writing on Datingish!? You should be gathering all his stuff up and pawning it or be down at the police station filing a report! I don't care if you were screaming bloody murder at him when he did it, it is not okay. Run far, far away from that relationship and don't ever look back or you will end up rotting in a garbage bag wherever he decided to dump your body.

  I'm sure somebody is offended, somebody is enlightened, and somebody is amused, so how about everybody comment!

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