I just signed onto MSN and saw that my boyfriend was online. He was online using his Xbox, meaning he's playing a game (Fallout 3). Now, I've been noticing lately that this gameplay is frequent. It lasts for hours, sometimes from the moment he wakes up (which is late) until the moment he goes to bed (which is also late).
He takes breaks to make food and maybe be intimate with me, but the majority of his time is spent playing video games. When he's playing his Xbox and Wii games, I'm almost always sitting on the couch watching, reading, smoking, on the computer, or recently, I began watching TV in the other room. His constant gameplay was always there; I just ignored it in the beginning of our relationship.
One game, Animal Crossing for Wii, has been in his daily routine for a month and a half now. I had my own character on the game, but I barely play because he's always on it! He is unemployed and has been since December due to the economic crap that's going on. I know he's bored and stressed, but I guess what I'm really getting at is that I'd like him to pay attention to me when I'm over and not to his games.
I haven't said anything to him and I probably should and will, but I was just curious how often this happens in relationships or if I'm overreacting.
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Comments (69)
I don't think you are over reacting. There is a big difference between some down time and it completely taking over his life. Encourage him to get off his ass and work a little harder at finding another job. There are still jobs out there that need workers, they may not be the best jobs but they are something.
I had this boyfriend about a year or two ago who would constantly play World of Warcraft wherever he was. It drove me nuts to the point where I finally signed up an account for myself just to see what's so addicting about it and played it with him for a bit.
I liked playing it for a while, but got fed up with it in the end. Needless to say, I'm glad he decided to break up with me. I can't believe how distraught I was over the break up, he wasn't worth it at all. I guess I was just lonely at the time and needed someone, not that I actually liked him for him.
Honestly, I think you were a bit stupid to ignore it early on...
But aaanyway, if it bothers you then tell him! Don't just sit and ignore it and let him annoy you. Gamers aren't going to leave the game unless you tell them to or they get bored (which is very rare seeing as we usually have a multitude of games to go to after one is played and done), so you need to take the initiative and give him something else to think about (*cough*).
I'm a gamer (yes, with boobs and a vagina and all that), and sometimes I'll sit for hours a day and just game and ignore what's going on around me. Phone ringing? What phone! Doorbell? Can't be arsed! It's not just a hobby, you have to understand, it's a way of life.
Either get in the game with him, or he's not for you. /shrug
I don't think so.
I throw bitch fits. I make sure damn well if I get with a guy, he isn't stuck on games.
at least yours doesn't sleep all fucking day like mine. unemployment is no excuse to sit around and do nothing all day.
Talk to him about it. I play alot of videogames, but when my girlfriend is over, I spend all that time with her. I only get to see her about 3-4 times a month, if I'm lucky.
Ah, we boys go through phases like that. Most of us grow out of it (eventually). It's definitely compounded by other things going poorly in life. From a psychological point of view, a video game is a sort of guaranteed success when life is presenting you with lots of failures. It can be a substitute for real fulfillment from school, work, or finding a job, whatever it may be. Video games are also just enjoyable. They're also just distracting. They are many many things. In this case, however, it's all of the above, and the unhealthy part of it, is using it as a form of escape.
Let him know you support him and rather than say anything against the video games, simply encourage him to do other things, with or without you. Discouraging him from playing video games when he may have an emotional attachment to them (through a sense of video game accomplishment) is going to have a very negative effect. Your goal will be to encourage him enough to do other things that it'll overcome his desire to play video games. Break him out of his cycle and hope he stays out of it on his own. He may downward spiral more and more if he finds continued failure in real life and steady 'success' in the virtual world. Good luck.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - i dont have a problem with female gamers. and earlier on he had a job and really the only issue i have is that he complains he never gets to see me buts its just cause its distracted all the time. i have played the games with him, showed lots of interest and let him do his thing. im not out to attack his hobby.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - he has told me that it does give him something to do since he's not working. i have thought about the psychological aspects and we're trying to keep positive about future work prospects :)
@abcxunt@xanga - oh man that sucks! he does sleep a lot sorta. he'll come to bed at 2 or 3 am and then wake up at 1 or 2 pm if im lucky
@kaybaby666@xanga - Ah no I wasn't saying you have a problem with female gamers, I just know that most people go don't believe we exist. It was me (who's not funny at all) trying to be funny.
Really, though, because I forgot to add this before, sitting and playing a game for one gaming hour usually passes into what's really ten hours (yeah... yeah that makes no sense). Time goes differently when you're gaming, and he may not even notice that he's playing so much. Remind him every once in a while that you're there and that he's been at it for six hours; he might take a break then.
@kaybaby666@xanga - mine sleeps 23hrs of the day..
Sounds like he just needs a coping mechanism. Not that you're not adequate, it's just that games provide mindless fun and requires little brain power [most of the time]. It would probably be a good idea to talk to him about it, since he's 1. somewhat neglecting you, and 2. not going to gain anything from not being productive all day. Good luck!
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - yes, i most definitely agree. my exbf had lost his job and instead of going out to find another one, he would just sit around and play on his xbox ALL DAY. he would stop to eat and use the bathroom, but didn't even shower. he just went to bed, woke up, and played some more. When he lost, he would lose his mind, yell, throw the controller, and just bang the console off. It scared me.
Honestly, as a former video game addict, I think I have the right to say that his time might better be spent job hunting than retreating into online gaming. I think the real issue here is that he's choosing to escape from reality rather than be a part of it, and that's why you feel like you he's not paying much attention to you - because in the process of shutting the rest of the world out, he's also shutting you out.
@abcxunt@xanga - ohhhh my, im sorry to hear that. that doesnt give him much of a day!@HeartOfPandora@xanga - there have been many times for me when i've been playing something on the computer and then 5 hours have passed so i know the feeling lol i'm just worried about intruding on his hobby because i have mine also. oh i did think what u said was funny, most gamers are guys i think :P
@FireMapleSong@xanga - i can happily say that he is doing a better job of looking for a job. his industry is just slow!!!
@kaybaby666@xanga - It's true, we're like... impossible, we never happen!
But I don't think you should be so worried about intruding. He can play when you're not there, and if he doesn't understand that then you've got bigger problems lol. I understand that everyone has their "thing" but it shouldn't intrude upon the lives of others. Just talk to him about it, I'm sure he'll come around to some sort of understanding or compromise.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - i agree with you :) thx!
Boy love their toys...!
It seems to happen in every relationship... there is always ONE habit that takes up valuable time... but I think as long as you both do spend quality time together, this shouldn't be an issue. Good luck!
I don't know how often something like this does happen, but I can tell you that you are not overreacting. The problem is not so much about the video game itself, it is how the guy doesn't know how to balance time btw g/f and video game. You should really talk to him, but don't be confrontational. Or maybe you two can find a game where both of you can play at the same time. Hope all goes well.
UGH. i know exactly what you mean. Mine is stuck on the game World of Warcraft. He stays on for hours and hours. We have a baby together and live together and we hardly even speak or let alone spend time cuz he's on his game. Think that's bad enough if he could he would stay on for days and play it. Ive confronted him about his addiction and asked him to make changes yet i still have yet to see those changes. He even told me i spend time with you everyday meaning if we're home together we spend time together. Which probably for a girl you would say that's not spending time when you're on your game. idk but stand your ground or it'll get worse.
Haha, my guy loves Fallout 3, as well. lol. I think it's just a guy-thing, but even so, this is to the point of it being addictive and unhealthy! Tell him how you feel, and he should understand. Good luck! =)
-Btw, my boyfriend is way into video games, too, and when he's not with me, I know that he plays them all day as well. But, when I'm with him, we'll play a couple of games together (Guitar Hero is aweee-some), and then hang out the rest of the time. He has to have balance.
He sounds a lot like most guys. Just speak up and you should be okay ;)
Take his power cords away from him until he goes out looking for work again. Now normally I stand up for video games when girls say it causes them trouble but if he's unemployed he needs to look for work EVERYDAY. If not he's just being lazy.
I dont know...is it just me? when did video games became more important than a relationship? I guess if I was 10, I can understand.