Friday, 13 February 2009
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Ways To Tell Your SO Was Once An Inmate
Courtesy of McSweeney's Lists (link: I Think My Soulmate Has Done Hard Time.)- His toilet is in the middle of the living room.
- He insists dinner be served through the mail slot.
- His toothbrush doubles as a shiv.
- Sex costs two packs of smokes.
- He leaves home through a secret tunnel.
- He's always critiquing the craftsmanship of license plates.
- Tawny Kitaen is No. 1 on his speed dial.
- He gets a faraway look in his eyes whenever he passes a highway work crew.
- Our arguments always end with his threatening to lawyer up.
- His freezer is full of human heads.
- Lots of jumpsuits, but never skydives.
Have you ever gone on a date and immediately known that your date was trouble?
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About the Author
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- From: missfox
- About Me: I am by no means a relationship guru, but I've seen a lot for being so young. I was in an on-again-off-again relationship all through high school, but college has opened my mind and heart. I've learned a lot about what I need in relationships, and what my significant other should want of me. I believe in love, but I believe that you must first be happy with yourself.
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Comments (23)
haha oh man.
Yes, but not THIS kind of trouble!
bahahaha, nice.
Hahaaa.
I should have realized he was too old for me when he asked me what this "Sparknotes" site was all about.
I also dated a black man before who was 40 minutes late to dinner and a 24-year-old college freshman.
-sigh-
You don't really need to go through a date in order to come up with that. However, people do change. They might be okay on a date; and then later, they change themselves into monsters lol. *BOO!*
Classic... lists are fun. That being said... I need to date more...
lol funny
i didn't laugh.
damn it.
Hahaha.
I went to a haunted house with a bunch of friends and a guy who wanted to date me. He screamed like a girl and grabbed me--to hide behind me.
Dude, the guy dressed like Jason isn't really Jason.
Haha! My boyfriend was an inmate... haha only for a weekend though, for getting three minors within a year. But it makes me feel pretty badass when I tell people I'm dating a criminal =)
Quiet. Only talks about Sex. Only talks about girls he's been with. Doesn't ever pay for the bill. Skips school.
Doesnt' care how he carries himself. Oh , plenty.
Haha!
Oh god, I went out with a guy one night, he bought me dinner, treated me real nice, but kept trying to get me to come to the bar he worked at... I was underage, but he kept saying, "Oh, they'll let you in as long as you're a friend of mine." He made me sort of uneasy with the wink he let out.. so when we went to the bathroom, I told the table next to me that I was on a first date with a guy who I didn't know well and the gentlemen commented on how the guy seemed seedy and agreed to keep an eye on me until I got into my seperate car and left...
I later found out he liked to take girls to his bar, slip them a little something, and have sex with them.. He was a real winner...
@bmrowland@xanga - OMG! that's awful!!!!!
That list forgot to mention "Upon hearing anything like 'from behind', he visibly cringes and shivers."
Honestly, I have never gone on a date with a guy who was nutty. I've hung out with guys who were nutty in the end, though. Usually I hang out with them first to decide whether I'd be willing to even give them an option of being more as an acquaintance. I'll tell you one thing, there are some pretty weird men and women out there.
@bmrowland@xanga - Oooomg, I'm so glad you didn't go! Eeee :(
He insists on sticking it up the arse...or is that every guy?
If my date was THAT trouble, I'd bury the poor person alive. Hehe! Or send him to Dirty Detroit.
@mayanao@xanga - That could quite possibly be every guy :)
hahaha this made me chuckle
I was dating a hitman/drug lord for about 2.5 years.
& didn't know it.
Turns out, he had muli. Personality disorder, caring during the day, notorious at night.