Thursday, 12 February 2009
-
Dear Dr. Datingish: He Promised Never to Leave But Did Anyway
A couple of months ago, I met an incredible man online. It all started when I just wanted to meet and chat with random people in a chat room for fun - I didn't have any intention to actually meet someone I would eventually fall for, but I did.It was there that I met "Jimmy" - we chatted in the chat room for a while just asking each other general questions - what's your name? where do you live? how old are you? etc. Then we exchanged pictures (I thought he was quite attractive) and MSN emails. We chatted every day for a month. I should mention now that "Jimmy" lived in another country. English is his second language and the only contact we had with one another was through our e-mail and Window Live Messenger accounts.
We would webcam with one another, start voice/video conversations with each other and just look at one another almost the entire day when we both were available. It got as far as both of us making plans to meet one another in real life or even planning our lives together.
One day he left me an offline message saying that he wouldn't be on MSN for a couple of days to chat with me His grandfather had passed away and he was going out of town. I sent my condolences and wished him a safe trip in reply to his offline message.
A couple of days later I signed on to my MSN and he immediately messaged me asking how I was doing. I asked how he was doing and if he was back at home yet. He told me he was busy and wouldn't be home until the following week. We only chatted for a short while because his father wanted to speak to him. We said our goodbyes and he told me not to forget him. I told him I wouldn't.
When he came back home, we caught one another on MSN. He told me he had plans with his friends so he would chat with me later...and sent me a kiss image. I told him it was fine because I was moving from my apartment to another one and told him when I settle into my new place.
I finally settled into my new place about two weeks later. I caught him online and we chatted for a few minutes until he had to go to work. Ever since then, I haven't heard from him. He had promised me that he would never leave and would always be there for me. And I thought we had great chemistry even though it was over the internet.
So my question is, what did I do wrong? Why did he pull the disappearing act on me? It's been two months, should I contact him and ask him why? Or should I just forget him?
I also came to the conclusion that maybe he wasn't that into me, but why did he lead me on and give me false hope at the end? Or did he meet someone else who was closer to him and he chose to choose her instead?
Have any of you ever felt so connected to someone (over the internet or not) and they just suddenly vanish without a word? How did you deal with it?
Got a question for Dr. Datingish? Send it to us at datingish.com/submit-post!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (42)
Please. You met him online a COUPLE months ago. How emotionally attached could you be?
If it's been two months without a word, you should chalk it up to experience and move on.
You should probably move on. I'm sure he's a great guy - but he does have a life, as do you, and neither of you can just forget that for each other. You're bound to find someone better, and near you, soon.
Ah, well I definitely understand. Stupidly, in high school I held an internet "wanna be" relationship with a guy from my rival school We had previously met, and randomly met up at school functions, where we talked for hours on end. But, in reality, we never talked on the phone, although he gave me his number. We texted sometimes, but the basis of our friendship or whatever you want to call it was through myspace. We "messaged" each other for OVER A YEAR straight! I told him everything, and we talked about our lives as we would if he were on the phone. He called me one of his best friends, and I, the same. I had made it clear that I wanted something more, but he said although he liked me, that it wouldn't work out because he was going to a different college. I was crushed, but we still kept on messaging until several months after that. Until one day, I receive no message back from him.
My heart was broken, because we had talked for over a year, and that's all I had known. Not to mention, coming up, I saw him at another school function and he ignored me the whole time, and only said hi for a brief moment. I guess it was his way of letting go.
My situation was slightly less traumatic, than yours. But I do hope things work out! My advice for you is not to contact him. Things can seem wonderful through the computer (believe me, I know); however, it does not make up for face-to face-interaction. Leave it up to him to contact you.
I sadly realized a little too late, that if I had only stopped replying to his messages, that he would have probably not have gone on for as long as it did. I mean...he was only replying, because I was..
I'd move on. He's just not that into you. He probably never actually said anything to lead you on, you may have just interpreted it that way (we've all done it without even realizing.)
Forget him and move on, it was a good few months, but it was just that - a few months. You'd never actually met in person, and it's not like you were in a committed relationship with the guy. It might be hard to swallow, and disappointing at first, but it's really no big loss.
it's online.... he was prob fake
thank gawd you never met in reel lyfe
move on
move on girl.
Yes, I agree with the people above me- move on! Stop wasting energy worrying over what you did wrong. You can fall in love with anyone over the Internet.
I've talked to a couple guys online for over a year online.. And one day, they disappeared.
girl in real life trumps girl online
1. You didn't do anything wrong. Not all relationships (online or not) necessarily work out. For any number of reasons he decided to end it.
2. I don't know why he'd pull the disappearing act, but odds are, he met someone. Guys (and girls) have the tendency to pull the old "vanish and ignore" tactic to clue someone in that they are no longer interested. Guys tend to "not call" and girls tend to "not answer" but it goes both ways.
3. Nah, forget him. If he wanted to continue the interaction, he would have by now. It's time to move on.
4. Think of it this way, when you are interested in something, you give it your all (usually). When something else interesting comes along you split your time between them. But that doesn't work with relationships. While one may be good, you give it your all, but when you either lose interest, or something more agreeable comes along (in this case, not from another country likely), then you drop one and move in another direction. It's entirely possible that there is a new girl and she knows about you, and doesn't want him to speak to you anymore. It happens. It doesn't change anything that happened between you. It doesn't make the value of what you shared any less. It doesn't make you any less worthwhile. Relationships change.
5. I think most of us have felt (or been) the vanishing act. The only way to deal with it is to realize that it's not you, it's them. It sucks to be more into someone else than they are into you, but it happens. You could be the most awesome person in the world, but if you don't match each other, then a relationship isn't going to work. I can't reference this point enough times, read point #3: He Doesn't Define You.
See, this is what I'm talking about in my last blog. People now a days have become weak. Move on! Get over him!
Here's something you didn't think of. Maybe he's a drug dealer and got arrested. Maybe...he was killed. Maybe...he's actually gay. Or maybe....just maybe....he killed himself.
There's no way such a promise can be made. Everyone leaves sometime. It's part of life. You meet someone. They do what they are suppose to do. Both people part and go their separate ways. That's life. Time to accept it.
You need to track him down and marry him.
Just move on. Plain and simple.
This is like, getting emotionally attached to someone you never met on Xanga..and then they leave Xanga :( Lol.
Don't Fall In Love With Words.
You really don't know the other person behind the screen.
Oh yeah, it's definitely happened to me and I'm sure to a lot of people, females and males. It could be any number of reasons. For example:
1. Found another girl in the local area.
2. Realized that dating you is next to impossible when his family and friends are over where he is.
3. Lost interest in you.
4. Other.
5. All of the above.
Just move on. He wasn't that into you, go out have fun and find someone else who IS INTO you and will find that you are a wonderful person. You didn't do anything wrong, you guys just weren't meant to be. And don't think the world of someone after a few months. It takes a long long time to get to know someone inside out.
Oh yeah for me, I met this guy online and we talked everyday online for hours, and went on to the phone. We met up in person to hang out. The next time we met, he cooked me dinner and we made out. Two days afterward, he ignored my IMs, and texts and wouldn't pick up the phone calls. So I IMed his roommate whom I met the first time around and he said he found another girl who is currently using him. Their relationship got so bad the roommate kicked him out, because the new gf was such a bytch. Needless to say, I got over him. The roommate and I still talk because I found that he knows some of my other friends.
You didn't do anything wrong, and shouldn't worry about it. Most likely he's not into you any more, well, I'm guessing. I do think you should forget him and move on. Like they always say, there's always more fishes in the sea! :D Something like that.
Action speaks louder than words.
I say move on... I think it could have been a one way deal on your part. It's also online, so you never know the real person until you meet that person.. :|
omg. reminds me of my first online boyfriend. we talked everyday in the summer, we had the strongest connection, then he just disappeared. technically, were still going out. haha. but yea, i talked to his friend and its just that he doesnt have internet anymore and is busy working and whatnot..our schedules just clashed completely. it sucks..but its why i dont date online anymore.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Don't do it!!!!
jeebus. Its online AND its only been a couple of months. Thats kinda pathetic.
You fell for this guy too hard and too fast. Planning your lives together? Him promising to never leave you? Wow....
And you didn't even meet him in real life.
Not that I think you did something WRONG, but next time, take it more slowly.
Anyhow, that feeling of loss that people get from breakups and/or disappearances...it goes away with time. Keep yourself busy, hang out with your friends (in person!), take up new hobbies, etc.
Don't pursue him. If he wanted to see you, he would see you.
Just remember: people make promises all the time never to leave. And yet, they do. It's not about NEVER trusting anyone who makes promises, but trusting the right person - and trusting someone you met for only two months and not even in person, well, not a great move.
I think the only thing you might have done wrong was fall for this guy too fast. Other than that, I don't think you made any mistakes to make him not speak to you anymore. He could've met someone else (in person) or he just wasn't into you anymore (which makes him a jerk for leading you on).
But I wouldn't wonder about it so much. Move on, you're wasting your time if you keep pondering about this. I would avoid getting too emotionally involved over the Internet next time.