Thursday, 12 February 2009
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Top Five Reasons to Fight
I have been in two serious relationships, one of which I'm currently in. I honestly can't stand fighting, and I realize that if you keep fighting with your SO, then there must be a reason for it. I'm very sensitive and can have a pretty serious attitude when it comes to fights - chalk it up to being a redhead and Pisces Unfortunately, every guy I've dated has also been very good at fighting, so when we bicker, it's a big deal. I was wondering what you guys think are the most popular fights among couples and what the dumbest thing you've fought about was.Mine are the following:
1. Video games! I can't stand them. I generally loves attention, I admit it...and I cannot get his attention when he's gaming. I would literally have to walk around naked to pull him away sometimes. When he is playing and I text him, it takes him about 45 minutes to respond. It drives me insane - all he has to do is be, like, "babe, I'm playin Halo.. I'll tty in a bit, love you!"
2. Girls (for me, anyway) I'm a very jealous person, and even if he says a girl is cute, it gets me all fired up. My head has a way of creating horrible situations.
3. Sex.
4. His falling asleep! I absolutely hate it when we are watching a movie or having a conversation (on the phone or in person) and he is falling asleep. He can even fall asleep after or when we are fighting; he can just put down his phone or roll over and be, like, "I'm done with tonight" and go to sleep, while I lay there wide-eyed and cry myself to sleep.
5. Plans. If I tell him I don't want to do something, or if we discuss things and I tell him why I don't want to do them, he will bother me until I give in, which I never do. But he's relentless.
So what are your top five reasons to fight? Who's usually the instigator of the fight?
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- From: MistletoeLove
- About Me: You don't know me, don't ever act like you do.
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Comments (69)
oh wow! i never realized but in my last relationship that was all we faught about! Those 5 reasons!. For video games i always said the same thing "playing video games ill call you when im done" thats alll i need!!!! but did i ever get it no! For me saying a girl is cute was never a big deal, it was when he called her cute and then flirted with her. Sex doesnt even need an explination your right. haha
Id like to see the top 5 things from a guys prospective though, i think it might be different.
Video games? Not a problem for me :)
I've never been in a serious relationship, so I can't think of anything based off of experience. I know this one guy I was involved with, I got frustrated because I wanted to know more about him, but we always kept talking about me and my problems. I hated that I was always so open with him, but he never talked to me about anything that was on his mind. I felt like I couldn't be trusted, even though he insisted there wasn't anything to talk about.
Small things that are so easy and only takes a moment of the guy's time and effort, always seems so hard and impossible for them. I think that's something that upsets us girls the most. For me, one thing is the fact that everything I say seems to go in one ear, and out the other...in a matter of seconds =.= oh.. and "I'll call you later" and never get one.
if those are the reasons and you can't stand it, then perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationships.
I hope you don't mind this, but...I think you need to chill out a little. Most of those "issues" aren't even very serious and if you've had huge blow-outs over them, maybe it's time to move on to someone who caters to your whims better. It's also a poor excuse to blame your hair color and astrological sign as to why you behave a certain way. Blondes are supposed to be stupid ditzes and Aquariuses are supposed to be cold, aloof dreamers and none of those traits dominate my personality.
In any case, if people actually fight about any of those things I consider myself very lucky because either a) I'm a rare breed that doesn't get bothered by those things or b) my boyfriend doesn't suck. Jeebus, I can't even remember the last time we actually fought about something...
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - agreed, i think you have to chill out a little. either that, or your boyfriend is really insensitive and you had trouble capturing that into words.
im a really jealous person too though. i think the only "fights" we've ever had (aka me getting pissed) were over other girls, even though i had nothing to worry about
Falling asleep = not a problem for me. But then, I'm more likely to be the one falling asleep. It's not because I'm not interested; I'm just tired!
Not in the middle of a fight, though. It's impossible for me to fall asleep when I'm stressed, even when I'm exhausted.
And I love video games. And am not particular jealous.
The plans one sounds like the major one for me.
I think you need to loosen up a little.
: )
I hate to sound bitchy here, but you sound a little insecure or high maintenance. But then again, I guess everyone has their pet peeves. Videogames and sleeping are not something I`d hold a guy accountable about. As for girls...he's with YOU, isn't he?
a guy who puts video games before his girl can keep his video games, he isn't worth having... there's more to life then just sitting in front of a fricken screen for hours..
haha~
Honestly hun, they're all the same & you'll never get your way when it comes to those things, unless your SO is whipped.
So my best bet would be to accept it. No matter how much you bitch and complain, it wont change anything. TRUST ME, i know.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - I'd have to agree with you here....those are all very trivial, if not down right silly reasons why to argue with someone. Though I am sure there are all pet peeves that make is grind our teeth, the secret is to not let it out on the guy.
Anyway, back on topic. My boyfriend and I have never gotten into a fight. A few serious discussion maybe, but that's how we work. We don't like drama, and we don't like to argue so we try to work out things as level-headed as possible and they are:
Plans-I am a list person. I love things to be organized and stick accordingly to what is scheduled. I cannot tolerate things being canceled or postponed for no good reason and bailing out is a BIG no-no. However, this applies to my friends as well.
Pregnancy Scare- we had a few serious discussions on how we were going to work it out when there was a possibility that I might be pregnant, like what would we do if I really was? plan of action!!!
Finances-pretty much tied to the Pregnancy Scare. But we are both pretty much financially independent and we are both very good at accounting for money and spending wisely so no big problem here.
Umm..those don't seem to be an issue for me. My boyfriend loves his XBox, and I even play it with him sometimes. It doesn't bother me, because it's his thing. You know? You just have to let them do what they want to do, and not get mad about it. They're GUYS! So of course they want to play the latest version of COD4! (Translation: Call of Duty 4. I tell you, I'm hooked. ;))
The only thing that makes me mad is when he calls me so late at night to talk, even on school nights. Two a.m calls on nights when I have a class at eight in the morning are unacceptable, and he knows that. He just does it anyway, sometimes. =P
Good luck, and lighten up. These issues aren't the end of the world. If you marry him, wait until the big guns are pulled out..
It sounds to me more like you need to relax than he needs to change. He's doing a lot of typical things--not just for men, but for people in general!
I put my phone on silent when I'm playing video games, watching a movie, hanging out with people, etc., because I don't want to be interrupted. Don't take it so personally! Video games are fun, and maybe you'd fight about them less if you played them with him.
The fact that he can fall asleep easily is also no reason to be mad at him. I never used to fall asleep during movies until college, but it also always used to take me over two hours to relax enough when I went to be at night as well. No one wants to lie awake at night, and the fact that you can't train yourself to fall asleep quickly is not his fault.
I hate to sound accusing, but your list completely excluded anything YOU might have done to make him angry. Compromise goes both ways.
It used to bother me because there are times I feel like I'm competing with video games for my boyfriend's attention. But I just decided to get over it. :-/
1.) His cell phone - he gets pissy if I look at it, but he's constantly checking mine.
2.) Money -- um yeah.
3.) Music -- I like Bone Thugs, but every single time I sit in your car BTnH cannot be the ONLY thing you play...
4.) My family -- if he doesn't like them, he goes. They've been with me for 24 years, we are mostly one in the same. Deal with them or hit the road
5.) Plans(too) -- I need to know whats going on, he doesn't. That can cause crazy arguments!
I used to bitch a lot about video games, but then I realized, he needs his space and his time as much as I need mine. I mean, I don't want him around me 24/7.
My biggest thing used to be when he would hang out with his friends, but his friends aren't the best people, so I thought I had a good reason. But so what? I learned to trust him. They may be his friends, but they're not them.
I'm like you, I freak out over everything and everyone, even the little stuff. You just have to take it a day at a time, and a few deep breathes.
Ugh...Halo. My boyfriend is OBSESSED with it. It's super fucking annoying.
I feel your pain on that one.
@Meunonomo@xanga - I was wondering about that, too.
video games drive me crazy! when i would spend the night at my ex's house, he'd be like okay i need my hour of playing my game before we can go to bed. and i'm just stuck sitting there and he'd always be like "what's wrong?" ugh drives me crazy. the girls thing always gets me too. especially when girls he use to talk to would text him or call him out of no where "to say hi" i'd freak out. the falling asleep thing would get me too with him. we'd have plans when he was done work and he "magically fall asleep" and i should add when he got done work @ 7pm, not late at all! then he'd call at 1am and say i'm sorry i ate dinner than started watching tv and fell asleep. like how hard is it to pick up the phone and be like babe i'm really tired can we hang out tomorrow?
Love him or leave him. Simple as that.
It seems you guys aren't even compatible. Fighting about his attn to video games and looking at other girls is childish. And if you guys argue about sex, that just means to me you guys are not sexually compatible. Do something different. Also he may be getting frustrated that you don't even want to try out things he wants to do together. Compromise, do some things he likes and ask him to do some things you like.
I must admit, a lot of your reasons are a bit ridiculous. I like attention too, and sometimes get bothered when a boyfriend is giving it all to a video game or a movie, but only for a moment. I immediately realize I'm being silly.
Girls? I used to have this problem with an ex-boyfriend. The reason being was our trust had previously been broken. The situation with my current boyfriend is completely different, and that's mostly because I trust him and he trusts me. For instance, the other day he was on the phone with me as he was making a food delivery to a modeling school. He said, "I love making deliveries here," to which I replied, "'Cause the girls are hot?" He said, "Yeah, they're everywhere!" All I could do was laugh.... I KNOW he's not going to pick up a girl there. He loves ME. I trust him. He can tell me he thinks girls are attractive, and I can tell him I think guys are attractive. We know those thoughts won't go any further.
As for the other listed reasons, you should really sit back & think about how silly they are. They're not worth fighting over.
Haha - my boyfriend is obsessed with Call of Duty. He left me waiting for 3 hours one night when we were supposed to go out on a date because he was playing the game and "lost track of time." HOW DO YOU LOSE 3 HOURS TO A GAME AND NOT KNOW IT?! I was enraged!! Lucky for him, it was his "birthday date" so I let him off the hook... otherwise all hell would've broke loose! I don't care that he plays the game at all. I care that he puts me 2nd to a video game. He knew I was really upset about it and he's tried really hard to not let it happen again, and it hasn't. So I'm thankful that he's sensetive to my annoyances!
In my last relationship, we only fought a few times, since it was a long distance relationship.
And it was usually about the same thing: I was going to have surgery for skin cancer, and because it was on my face, I was afraid it would leave a scar, not to mention that being diagnosed with skin cancer at 24 was quite frightening for me. He thought that the fact that I was concerned that it would leave a scar on my face meant I was "obsessed with my appearance". Mind you, I had never gone on a diet, asked if my clothes made me look fat, considered cosmetic surgery, or even said I was ugly. I had said at one point that I was afraid I wouldn't make it in my music career while I was still young enough to look like what producers wanted, but that's a very realistic concern in the music business. It still makes me cringe thinking about it.