Wednesday, 11 February 2009
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A Far Cry from "Whistle While You Work"
This question originally appeared on Slate.
Dear Prudence,
I work in an office that I share with two other people. The desks are in a triangle with short partitions between us, but it is possible to see one another through the gaps. One co-worker is part-time, so I am frequently alone with the third. Lately, I have been hearing and then seeing him participating in a solo activity usually done in the bedroom. Once I figured out for sure what he was doing, I went to human resources. The manager told me that as she has only my word about this, I should go find her when he does it again so she can know for herself. The problem is, she is never around when it happens. He stops if I get up to go out the door and starts when I sit down again. I feel violated, abused, and totally grossed out. What should I do?- Nauseated
What would you do in this situation?
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Comments (32)
I read that yesterday! I would seriously quit my job right then and there. Or if that wasn't a possibility I would go up "the food chain" at work until something happened!
Wow. That is strangely hilarious. Of course, I'm not the one there witnessing it...
Have you spoken to him directly about it? Personally, (not that I would EVER do this, but still) if I thought I was being sneaky enough and getting away with it, but then found out I wasn't, I would stop immediately.
ew, i think i would go higher up in management. even if it is "just your word" they should still do something about it.
ever thought about using your phone to take a vid or pic? since your boss is never around? idk maybe that is a bad idea but how else are you going to get anything done about it?
set up a hidden camera!
Video tape it for proof, show it to HQ, and sue them if they didn't fix it.
Hmm... if Human Resources doesn't take your word for it immediately and investigate, you should sue. There's not reason you should be having to put up with something like that.
This happened to me once in a very different situation.
I was sharing a bed (and an entire apartment) with my ex (don't ask, long story)
I woke up one night to him masturbating next to me.
I felt exactly the same - abused, violated, etc. How fucking rude.
If I were you, I would be a pest to HR until they do something. If you're feeling violated at work, it's THEIR responsibility to resolve the issue.
Of course, you could always do what I did - tell him to knock it off and save it for when he's home. Just letting him know you know what he's doing might be enough to resolve the issue. Obviously, no matter what happens it's always going to awkward so you may as well put a stop to it while you're already there.
Then go to HR and tell them you are filing a sexual harrasment claim. If they still tell you they can not do anything remind them they are legally obligated to (it may help if you can find and bring with you a copy of your company's sexual harrasment policy which presumably states they will investigate all claims.
If they still refuse contact whoever is in charge of the HR Manager. If you really want to work there, and they continue to refuse to investigate, contact a lawyer.
@James153015@xanga - best advice i have seen.
definitely call him out on it.
It doesn't sound like anyone higher up in your company wants to deal with it.
Strategically placed ice water would probably fix it.
Video tape it and then show it to them.
James153015's advice is very good.
@James153015@xanga - Yep.
And provide evidence. ;)
Talk to HR again and if she isn't helpful, talk to her manager about it and mention that the first woman wasn't helpful at all.
Take a video. Then show it to human resources. That way, he gets fired and you can also get a lawsuit on him, but that would probably take it a bit far.
why not just tell him to stop?
Well, first I would probably barf a little in my mouth. After that was all said and done, I would talk to HR, like was done. Since that does not seem to be working, I would discuss the possibility of setting up a hidden camera in the office with your boss or HR. I would not set one up without your boss knowing, because you never know what kind of trouble you could get in for that.
Why doesn't this guy go to the bathroom to jerk off or something? GROSS!
Hah, one of my exboyfriends said he used to masturbate in his cubicle if nobody was around. I would just call him out on it, that would make him stop.
I'd get it on camera and give it to her. She's not around? Okay, work around that. I'd be so grossed out if someone was doing that in such proximity to me. That's extremely rude. So, yeah, videotape it.
Oh my god! They are bound by law as HR to investigate this! And if they won't do that, you should demand your own office or a move until somebody else catches this person. That is totally horrible. I'm sorry that happens to you at work :(
I'd try to make it known that I'm aware of what he's doing and if that doesn't make him stop tell him straight up to knock it off.
Whoa. I'd definitely inform the boss, firstly. Secondly, I'd take the HR person's cell phone number and text her when it happened next. That's totally uncalled for in a professional environment.
Photo time.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'd take a picture. And show it to HR.
I'd confront the guy about it. If he denies it, it's camera time.