Everyone says that when you overcome your obstacles, it makes you stronger. But does that kind of statement apply to relationships?
I once heard that if a couple cannot handle the hard times together, then they will not succeed. I guess it's the thought of being there for each other and taking care of each other. It's like you're both going through it together instead of dealing with it separately. Do the obstacles you go through as a couple, like fights and drama, make you both stronger and the relationship more durable?
My boyfriend and I are a happy couple. We do have a few fights, but they're meaningless and very tiny compared to our other friends' fights. Because we don't fight a lot - practically not at all - does that mean our relationship is strong, or do we HAVE to go through these "tests/obstacles" to make us stronger?
I'm not saying that we should start fights with each other or anything. It was just a random realization that I had. Should I even worry that we don't fight at all?
Some people want drama in their relationship or are drama seekers to make their dull relationship more exciting...but I would like to stay away from those issues so we can have a normal and happy relationship. We both hate fighting and getting angry with each other, so we both are cautious and try not to let things get to us. And it's working so far.
After your fights with your SOs, have your relationships gotten stronger or weaker?
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Comments (207)
short answer is yes. sometimes you dont really know ur SO's true pov unless you 2 fight over issues. thats what i think
Meh, if you can work around fighting you're all the stronger without the emotion. Boyfriend and I rarely fight (if you can even call them fights) and most of the time it's just me being an idiot. We're nearly two years together, though, so I wouldn't say it's necessary or in any way makes your relationship better. What makes you strong is the ability to work through your problems and not just blow up at each other. RAWR! and not RAWR /BEATS INTO SUBMISSION
I was with my ex for a year and a half and we never had an argument.
I hated it. I even told him that; he didn't care. You don't see who people really are until they fight. Fighting every now and them is healthy - it gets things out, works on communication skills, and it's fun making up after the fact.
Haha. My boyfriend and I have definitely had our share of issues and crap we've argued about [and at times don't talk for up to a week], and we're still together after over four years. But if you don't have to fight, more power to you! :]
Six years of being with my retarded husband, I wouldn't necessarily say our fights throughout the years made us stronger. But we both definitely learn how to fix some issues in our relationship to prevent anymore heated up fights.
yeah...
I'm in the same boat as you. We're the couple everyone gags at (Sickeningly sweet) but we've never fought.
I'm actually a rather volatile person (ok, fine, I've had my emotional issues) but not only have we not fought, I haven't been depressed ONCE since we started going out (6 months)... the longest streak YET!!!
So, no, I hope we don't have to fight to be a strong couple... because our mutual friends are already claiming bridesmaid and best-man positions!
A little nagging, sure. It shows the other what you do and do not like.
However, when an ex cheated on me I backed my car into his garage door and through socks filled with rocks through his windshield.
He then ripped the covers off all my textbooks and peed on me and my dorm-mate's beds.
That type of fighting just brought us apart even more.
Well, it depends on the relationship. If there's no communication and it's generally falling apart, fighting will weaken it. If it's a strong relationship with love, trust, and communication; I figure fighting couldn't hurt much.
Obstacles make relationships stronger; I don't know about fighting.
Well, I talked with my dad about this one time and here's what he said.
He told me that arguing and fighting isn't necessary, but it's quite common. He said that people disagree and that at times people disagree at bad times. One or two of the people in the relationship may be stressed or angry, etc. Sometimes things get blown out of proportion. He told me though, that going through these fights means that both are able to deal with the other being angry and sometimes a bit crazy. That's how relationships get "stronger" when they go through fights.
He did tell me, though, that fighting isn't necessary. Some couples are able to be fine and happy together without ever having big fights.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it and I'd just be happy and enjoy what I have. Congrats on not fighting!
It depends: if you are constantly fighting over little issues on a daily basis, then perhaps it's not the healthiest of relationships.
However, the occasional fight - and it's probably over a mis-communication to begin with - is OK, and strengthens the relationship through encouraging and building channels of communication.
The worst thing for me is not knowing what's going on in my partners head. Once I gain that insight, and vice versa, you can start to work things out and make subtle changes so that the two of you are equally happy.
So my answer is a qualified "yes"
no! don't think you need major fights. me and my boyfriend have had major fights before, we've been really mean to each other before.
whenever you hit a rough patch, you think back to the worst moment of the worst fight and think what if it goes back to that.
you have to go tough times together, yes, but just a lot of talking should be enough to gather up his opinions on things to see if you're really compatible. fights don't do that, they just pit you against one another (if they're extreme fights).
most definitely stronger!
i guess the fact that you guys are able to address small problems, prevents anything from becoming a big problem.
I don't know...I'm going through the same thing right now.
We've only had one situation even close enough to resemble a fight..but it was mainly him asserting his point-of-view, and me being pissed/sad. (He was trying to tell me how to drive, and as a result, we almost crashed..) So then, I was super upset, and wouldn't talk to him the whole way home. Afterwards he just scooped me up into his arms and we embraced for a longgg time, and he said he was sorry.
So that's it...we don't really fight over "issues." And it'll be a year next month so...=P It can't be all bad.
From a beginner philosopher's point of view, I'd say...we should look at the extreme conditions first.
First of all, we are just human with limited abilities, and thus we are destined to fail at some time. And chances are, some of us will not make it through some fights.
Next, if the definition of fighting is just a way to test someone, then there runs the risk of failure. And since there is always bigger test you can put someone through, sooner or later this person is destined to fail.
In addition, if the purpose of fighting is to test so one can become a better person, then one will still eventually fail due to the beginning assumption that we are just human (unless we are not) with limited capabilities. In the end, fighting will only lead one to see the ceiling of his/her ability.
Secondly, since we are human, our tolerance for imperfection is probably also limited. And so if we try our best to see one another's limit, then we aren't really in a relationship yet.
I probably should define relationship too, but I'm too lazy...I'll stop here.
My BF and I almost never fight. He has a very laid-back and easy-going personality, it's almost impossible to get him mad at little things. When I have a problem or concern, I will bring it up and we will discuss it. We usually settle it by meeting each other on the middle ground.
I think what you have going on with your BF is a good and healthy situation. Fighting, especially the yelling and name-callig kind, hurts feelings, regardless how small the fight is. In fact, it is the accumulation of the little, stupid fights that builds up resentment. In the long run, it will have a negative toll on the relationship.
i just think it's more about trying to be good to eachother. me and my boyfriend have our moments of being stupid but instead of fighting...we talk about it. we hate fighting, especially because our parents fight a lot. so we just try to be good and not poke eachother with our idiocy. i don't think fights are necessary, but for those who have fought but are still madly in love, then maybe it's good for them to have a healthy fight. each relationship has it's own strengths.
people who fight are still trying to work the kinks in figuring out their significant other. you and your bf probably know each other well enough to know what makes the others tick, and thats good.
my boyfriend and i have been getting into more fights frequently, but thats cause we only see each other once a week cause our schedules don't work out. i go to school and work while he just works, so the distance puts a strain on us. but the fights aren't that atomical. they usually last a few minutes and we're fine after.
you probably are able to let go of the small stuff with him, while i'm more stubborn and have a need to glare at mine. lol :X
I have never argued with my boyfriend. I hate fighting in general and I don't ever want to be mad at him. I *can't* be mad at him. I'm sure we'll have our squabbles in the future, but we're so happy now without the arguments.
I think a little arguing now and then is healthy. =P
the making up makes it stronger.
Stronger. BUTTT(big but)... relationships do have their breaking point.
I was with my ex for two years, he was a scorpio, I was an aquarius. (which are complete opposites btw...FUN!) We fought about just about anything. When I say anything, I mean everything.
However, even though at times, we despised each other just enough to want to strangle each other, we loved each other with twice as much passion, and twice as much energy.
Butttttttt....too much fighting also lead to us just reaching our breaking point. It was just too much for me, and I was sick of it. So I ended it, and eventually started to date around. And I could never really find the same passion that we had with anyone else. But even still, I wouldn't want to go back because of all the needless fighting, and other reasons as well. But undoubtedly, I don't know if I'll ever find another person to share that same passion with.
So I guess.....
"Fighting in moderation" = Stronger.
@bluetrashcan@xanga - Mmm, so true. We did have a lot of fun making up after the fact...::wink::
My boyfriend and I don't really fight, although we have gotten into nasty arguments before. I don't think it's necessarily made us stronger, but I don't think it's made us any weaker.