Monday, 09 February 2009
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I Only Like The Chase, Not The Relationship
So I have this problem with boys and it's been there since grammar school: I can't like them if they like me. There'll be a boy I like a lot (like I'm already planning the rest of our life with our 2.5 children) but the second he catches on and starts to like me as more than a friend, I flip. I don't care if we're meant to be, it's over. The second I catch on, I'll do anything to keep away from the whole awkward "ask out" scene, which usually ends in disaster where we don't talk for weeks.
The farthest I've ever gotten is a lame relationship in middle school that lasted all of two weeks and ended the second he said the horrid middle school "I love you". I still haven't even talked to the guy and that was years ago! Well now I have this boy that I'm crazy about and he's starting to like me, help please?
I feel like a guy who's just in it for the chase; am I really that scared of commitment?
Is anyone else like this or am I just deformed?
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- From: GeOrGiA_gIrL03@xanga
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Comments (80)
i am like this but i hate myself for it and just resort to drunk hook ups that just make me feel empty the next day
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. you are not alone. but i have no words of advice... try to let yourself like him?!? easier said than done :|
Perhaps you don't really like the guys you chase after.. you simply want them to desire you. Once you've accommplished that, the chase is over.
If you really truly like this guy, you should just ask him out instead of being an obnoxious flirt and disappearing once he returns the feelings. I don't think you have commitment issues. I do think you have issues with being close with someone because once you are actually in a relationship, you are obligated to talk about "feelings" and so forth..things you might not be comfortable with. You are afraid he might dislike you after spending enough time with you..this is why you run away.
Have you even kissed a boy before? Maybe you are also scared of the physical aspect of the relationship.. something you're unfamiliar with?
Just relax and take a chance.
Used to be like that; then realized most of the guys I thought I liked, I didn't really like or respect. It was more a lust thing, for me -- they were attractive and/or popular. Now I only fall for guys when I know I wouldn't mind them being crazy about me. It's worked out so far. : )
this has been my problem since i was into guys!
will it ever end?? its such a viscous cycle.
my only solution is to just go for it.. i think my fear (maybe yours too) is that your scared of them (guys) hurting you.
all my friends have had their hearts squashed by guys in the past.. and i think i'm too proud to let people get close to me, cause that could mean that i could get my heart broken too.
i really hope your figure things out :)
I'm a bit like that....
I think it's because it makes me feel confident...I guess?
I'm a pretty confident girl, I don't need a man...but....on the other hand, it makes me feel good. Many people will say, well, deep inside, you are not as confident as you think you are.
Not true. I can go forever without ANY man looking at me. But when I see someone that catches my eye, it's kinda like I challenge myself to see if I can get him to notice me.
When the right guy comes along, I suppose I won't do that anymore. And some guys who chase after you, you develop a closer relationship with. A few personal experiences there. Best of friends now because of all the prancing around that went around.
Here's my suggestion: go for it, you had to like him for reason. Confront your negative feelings and ask yourself if they are actually reasonable. Next, tell him that you want to take it slow, hopefully we will get the point not to be too clingy.
If that doesn't work I think the reason he gets clingy in the relationship is because you might have been flirtatious. I would recommend playing hard to get even if you are secretely obsessing over him.
that sounds exactly like my friend !
@la_bones@xanga - really? your chasing after guys and then deciding you don't like them is thick and gloopy and hard to pour? that's very interesting.
as for me i can't really say i've ever felt like that... leading people on is not good.
I'm exactly the same way. Once I realize he likes me, then I'll ignore him because I'm not really into dating. It's like a game for me. Once I know they're interested then I've "won" so to speak. It's wrong, I know it, but it's true. The last guy that happened to really fell for me... I feel badly about that still :( Who knew guys were so easily bruised :(
Please let me know if you get any good advice!
I hate this about myself!! I do the same thing!! I'm all into it and then BAM!! He seems to get too serious and I can't handle it. For me, it's because I'm insecure, and a few other reasons. One of those reasons is that the super nice, loving guys seem to have very little self-respect. I want a guy who can be independent, too! But, I do know that I can have a relationship. I've had two that lasted 4 years, respectively. But those guys ended up being jerks. With the nice guys, I freak out and head to the hills. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I just recently did this exact same thing. I wish I knew how to stifle the feelings of panic that come when the guy starts liking me back!
how do you have 2.5 children?
It's the same for me - at most times, and I don't know what to do about it! It has been fun and all, but at the same time, I am getting sick of the game. But I don't know how I can change or anything, which is really frustrating. :(
a lot of girls are like that these days. at times, i swear i think im a guy stuck in a girl's body. i do love the chase as well and you know what they say--you want what you can't have. but if he has me jumpin thru hoops, im just as quick to drop him. ur not deformed, but u dont wanna be like this forever.
story of my life :( except i dont run away from them after, instead we usually become good friends. omg i just realized I 'friend zone' them instead of pushing them away, is that better? I'm not sure.
but i think the secret is getting into the mindset that he's still somehow unattainable & you're never fully "catch" him. So in a way, the chase never really ends, but maybe it does, but never fully. At least a part of you is still chasing, or just trick your mind into thinking that.
I do this too, and can't stand myself for it. I think my issue is that if the relationship doesn't start, it can't fail.
i get this too. i find it a real turn off if they say mushy too, or show signs of affection, kinda makes you feel uncomfortable! normal girls would be pretty happy right? maybe there's something wrong with us haaha
but im guessing its cz these guys just do not fit within your idea of your perfect man, so you feel that if you settle with them, you'd never be satisfied? thats my best guess anyway; its not us, its them! just doesnt fit.
omg..that's the same for me, and now it's happening between me and a reli good frd of mine. and im scared, i dont wanna lose him, but then even the thought of a relationship kinda freaks me out..and our acknowledge of the mutual attraction prob isnt helpful in this case neither..
i hate it, i think i want to have a relationship but i cant...Join the club.
You just sound young.
Eventually the chase will end and the guys will be chasing girls younger than you. Keep that in mind. Eventually, it will all come to an end.
I dislike to be negative, but what a fucking tease.
Guy for the most part are do play around, but when we do find a girl we want to be with we're serious. Ruining those critical moments when guys actually want to commit, makes us all think that true relationships don't exist, so we just man-whore it up and act like jerks, only to let real girls down.
I'm in the same boat. I think it's because we are just too damn scared. The scary thing is, we really do not know what we're scared of.
ohh i used to be like this.
i loved getting boys to like me -- flirting had become my personality in a way. and the second they showed interest it got old. i had occasional relationships but they'd last days or at most a few weeks. over time it morphed, but it took a whle. once i got to a more serious relationship, it was constantly on and off. i never really wanted the stable relationship but i did actually like the guy and i loved that he liked me. it was the same with my next relationship, only it lasted longer (a little more than two years) and we were a bit more serious because we were older. however, i would still flirt endlessly with any cute boy who passed my way. i still wanted the chase, i didn't really appreciate the relationship i was in. it was a terrible habit and i felt like a complete bitch... but truly i just couldn't help it. it was like i didn't know how else to act.currently i have a boyfriend whom i've been with--consecutively--for nearly 8 months (not too terribly long, but it's more than double the time of any relationship i've ever been in before!)don't worry, i think it really just depends on the guy that you're with. you'll know if you want to actually be with him or if you just want him to like you. and if you do want to be with him, the games will just stop. i didn't even realize it happening, but i'm definitely not the flirty girl i once was--except for with my boyfriend.
i never understood any of it. i didn't know why i was the way i was, or why i couldn't hold a relationship. but over time it just gradually got better, and it more than likely will for you too :)
hey..i am like this...those who like me,i'll never give a chance to try or what...but why i only interested those who didnt like me???....