I got into a fight with a good guy friend of mine last weekend - he was cracking some pretty rude fat jokes about me. When I was recapping the situation for my coworker, she asked me if he'd bought me anything when he apologized.
It sort of threw me off - I don't particularly find gifts necessary for apologies - but when I stopped and thought about it, I realized that I have a tendency to buy things for people when I'm apologizing for something.
Is it an expectation that a gift must absolutely be provided during an apology? If so, how did I miss this little fact?
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Comments (35)
Gifts are not necessary, especially if they're bought purely with the intention that nothing else is required to say "sorry".
It's about the message that it's trying to convey.
Recently, my fiancee and I got into a fight, and I bought flowers and candy for her: not in order for her to think that just because I did this everything would be right, but because it showed that I still loved and cared for her and it was just a start.
Plus, it depends on the type of infraction that you're apologizing for. If you constantly buy gifts no matter what, it loses the effect when you then buy them to try and make up.
It's all about the attitude with which they are given, in my opinion.
An apology does not need a gift to come with it. I think that an apology when sincerely given is the best apology you can receive. To me gift giving in an apology is more along the lines of trying to buy out of the infraction.
I'll take a sincere apology over a gift any day. Well, unless the gift was like a new car or something. Just kidding! Maybe.
I think its the thought that counts...
When somebody apologizes to me or I apologize to them I don't expect or buy them a gift. The apology still means the same thing with or without the gift to me.
I don't think it's a NECESSARY thing.. I mean, if you don't have anything to give them, nor the money to buy them something, then you can't. Although if you do something really awful, and you feel really awful about it, maybe a present is a good incentive for forgiveness. =P
No gifts necessary. Gifts can be a nice gesture, but keep in mind the flowers that often come with an apology is not because it's a gift, but because it's associative to caring. People give flowers to show caring. This applies to funerals, hospitals, love, friendship, and apology. The flowers are symbolic, not value based. Buying a gift as an apology is... shallow and is a form of purchasing favor. A nice, but misguided gesture. Make sense?
A big sorry/apology would do for starters.
Gifts aren't necessary... just a thoughtful, heart-felt apology. I don't want gifts, just knowing that someone is truly sorry counts.
No, I've never really thought about getting them a gift.
Unless the apology is because I broke something of theirs.
I don't thinnk gifts are necessary, though it's nice.
I don't think gifts are necessary. A sincere excuse-free apology means infinitely more. It's a shame so many people aren't aware of how to give one.
i dont think gifts are needed but it kinda of says that i put enough thought to put on my pants and go outside and find a relevant and thoughtful present that would fit this occasion to make it up to you.
An, "I'm sorry" is an "I'm sorry"...it's enough.
Screw materialistic people!
Be happy!
No, being sincere is lol
Gifts can be a nice added touch but I think something like a love note, something else sentimental is nicer than something expensive.Sort of sounds like.. bribing for their forgiveness to me. lol. It's not necessarily unless.. you just want apology gifts!
To me, gifts make it feel false. I'd rather have a genuine apology without the gift.
Just having the decency to apologize to my face is enough. I don't need material items to know that someone is sincerely sorry for offending me.
Mmm, I don't usually give gifts to say I'm sorry. I usually just say I'm sorry and leave it at that. Then again I'm one of those people who give gifts randomly for no special purpose, when I can afford it or want to make something, etc.
I don't think gifts are necessary at all. In fact, I think that gifts are kind of a cop-out for something you did wrong. I'd much rather get a sincere apology than a teddy bear or bracelet.
But, this also depends on how you see gifts, in general. I'd much rather associate gifts with positive things, like birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.. than associate them with apologies and fights.
GIVE ME PRESENTS!
I've never bought anyone anything for an apology. It's not necessary. If that person won't forgive me, I'm not going to buy something to try to change their mind. And if I feel that they're expecting a material item from me, I'd rather not have their forgiveness.
I greatly mistrust an apology that is accompanied by a gift or alcohol XD
nope, i don't think it should be required?
I don't think it should be required, but it would be up to the person who's apologizing. If they feel like they've done something really bad, then they will buy one themselves. But I myself wouldn't mind a very sincere apology.
And I'd kind of play hard-to-get for my forgiveness, to see if they mean it (: It works!