Monday, 09 February 2009
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My BF Doesn't Introduce Me to Anyone
In the past seven months of our relationship, I have noticed that my boyfriend tends to forget to introduce me to old friends of his that we run into, or even current friends of his that we run into. This doesn't happen all the time, but several times, he has forgotten to introduce me and I end up just standing there like a statue while he chitchats with the person.
And when all is said and done, it was as if I was just an accessory attached to his hand. I mean, I may just be blowing this out of proportion, but I would hope that I'm important enough to him such that he would introduce me as his girlfriend if need be. I'll give you several scenarios of when this occurred.We were at the mall once and we ran into an old friend of his from high school who worked in the store we were in. They were conversating while we were browsing in the store and after about fifteen minutes, he finally said "this is ----" but he did not give my title as "girlfriend," nor did he say "friend". Then after another ten minutes of shopping in that very same store, after seeing my boyfriend hold my hand, the old friend said, "Oh, is she your girlfriend? Why didn't you say anything?"
Another time we went on a double date and we ran into another old friend of his from high school who worked at the restaurant where we were having dinner. They didn't chitchat for too long - maybe only five minutes - but he forgot yet again to introduce me. I excused this because we did have another couple with us and maybe it would have been too much of a hassle to introduce us all.
The other night, we went to a party and while we were in line for the bathroom, this girl introduced herself to him. He introduced himself back. She did not introduce herself to me but instead flirted and made small talk with him. I feel like having our hands laced together should have stopped this girl in her tracks, but maybe an introduction would have been more effective.
Does it bother you if your SO doesn't introduce you to people? Am I overreacting?
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Comments (63)
i introduce myself.
i wouldn't take it too seriously if he didn't introduce you as his girlfriend. i tell my fiance to just introduce me with my name, so i won't be "jason's fiance." i'll have my own name.
depends how pretty/ugly you are probably :P
my bf is the same way - he's just too oblivious / forgetful to introduce me to anyone, making me stand there awkwardly in silence one too many times. so i started introducing myself. "i'm sorry, __ is so rude/forgetful.... i'm his girlfriend, ____" (said with a genuine smile and handshake if necessary, so you don't come off as bitchy)
you are well capable of introducing yourself. it shows that you are confident and independent. it will break the awkwardness and his friends will notice you more. eventually it will embarass your boyfriend and he will start doing it. oh, and telling him might help too.
Next time a girl flirts with him while standing in line.. interupt their conversation and say "Hi, I'm __'s girlfriend. Nice to meet you" That will shut her up and she'll leave him alone.
Some girls are really too rude. But your boyfriend should have introduced you anyway.
well the other situations I could handle, but the girl flirting with him to your face was kinda disrespectful. Have you talked to him about it at all?
dont be afriad to introduce yourself if you havent talked to him about it, he isnt a mindreader.
Yah, the first ones can be chalked up to forgetfulness, the last one isn't really acceptable.
so many disrespectful girls out there, seriously. i hate when girls come up to my boyfriend and just chatting away/flirting with him, all the while completely ignoring my existence. i've gotten pretty pissed whenever stuff like that'd happen. it's best to butt into the conversation and add whatever you'd normally say, and be the bigger person by being kind (as tough as it is). you should really tlak to him about the whole not introducing you to his friends thing if it's bugging you this bad. he might have just not learned basic etiquette and you'll have to teach him
introduce yourself, you are the one making yourself an accessory. or drop the guy, since he obviously wants to convey that he is not actually dating the girl next to him, that she is, in fact, a sentient accessory. don't you deserve better?
I say talk to him about it. Mention it casually and see what he says. Do it now before it really starts to bother you.
My SO introduces me as his girlfriend, but not all the time. And same goes for me. Sometimes if it's just a "hi/bye" thing, we won't introduce the other. But if it's a little longer than a "hi/bye" thing, we'll introduce the other.
i tried waiting for introductions to happen but haha.. boys will be boys.
introduce yourself :)
Dont be afraid to be your own person. Introduce yourself if he fails to do so. Don't expect him to do it all... but also don't expect to do it all yourself. You're a couple and couples work together.
It gets me annoyed even when my friends do it. You can take the other's advice and introduce yourself. I'm much too shy for it. Definitely talk to him about it.
With the girl though, then I would have taken upon myself to interrupt.
You have two choices: 1) Learn to use your larynx and introduce yourself or 2) Stop introducing him to people so you can be just as passive-aggressive as he is.
Honestly, my boyfriend doesn't introduce me to everyone all the time and we've been dating for two years. Sometimes it takes him a few minutes to remember if he's chatting with someone he hasn't seen in a while, but do I stand or sit there, passively fuming because he hasn't introduced me? No, I take it upon myself to either move into his field of vision so he can segue into introducing me or I wait for a break in the conversation to put on a smile and say, "Hi, I'm ____'s girlfriend, ______; it's so nice to meet you!" or something to that effect.
Funnily enough, there's an amazingly simple way to fix this problem without having to be passive aggressive or having to open your mouth to introduce yourself. Want to know what it is? It has to do with a little 13 letter word known as communication. Talk to your boyfriend about how awkward and unloved you feel because he doesn't introduce you to every person he comes into contact with. Talk to him about how it was inappropriate for him to flirt with someone else in front of your face.
While bitching to us in the Xanga/Datingish community has it's perks (such as honing your communication skills), it's no substitute for A) fixing your problems or B) talking to your boyfriend/SO/love-interest/FWB/etc etc. Being in a relationship really doesn't require a degree in rocket science so long as you realize that talking to each other is not only important, but beneficial to having a healthy, stable, long-lasting relationship with anyone, whether it is friends, family, or a love-interest.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal, like the person above said, just talk to him about it or take matters into your own hands and introduce yourself. I never remember to introduce my boyfriend and he's okay with that, he has no problem speaking up and saying his name and I appreciate it because I feel less awkward about NOT introducing him later.
My husband forgets to introduce me to people sometimes. I know he's not doing it on purpose.
If he does remember to introduce me he just says "this is my wife" and whoever he's talking to always says "Does your wife have a name?" hahaha.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - I never counted the letters in the word communication before. Hey! Now I know it has 13! lol. =)
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - Smart idea! I agree haha
What everyone else has been saying; introduce yourself, just say, "Hi nice to meet you I'm (___). (____) girlfriend"
That should stop the girls from flirting...at least I think... depends I guess. Some girls look at the hint, but don't take it...or just don't give a dam
But you have your rights as his girlfriend to be introduced! Shoot, if my bf did that, I would be a little pissed! haha
hmmm ... i dont remember these thingSs @_@"
but i get really pissed off when other girls flirt with my bf, oh well, im petty and if he doesnt get the idea i dont like him to close to other girls then he can go away >=)
Stephanie Tanner said it best with "HOW RUDE"
overreacting.
My husband always, always introduced me to whomever. I guess I should be more appreciative of that now.
But like others said before me, take the initiative to introduce yourself or talk to him about it. In somewhat ways, I feel as if he's probably ashamed of you to actually introduced you to his friends. Like, "Hey, I'm with her but I'm still available! Call me!" The one to two minute quick chat, sure, those can pass. But those that you are by him and he's chatting with whomever for more than five minutes, eh, no excuse for him to accidentally "forget" that you're there.
If other girls introduced and flirt with your man and you're there holding his hand, introduced yourself as his girlfriend. Honestly, I think that's just plain rude how he didn't introduced you but it's also your fault because you didn't step up.
I was going to write a post of something similar to this.
Although I know what you mean.
I hate it too! >:O
I moved in with a couple of guys and a girl last weekend.
My good friend helped me and my boyfriend.
So, one of my guy roommates was there and he was trying to get to know me, but when my boyfriend introduced himself, he didn't mention that he was my "boyfriend". So I had to tell my little roommate that he was my boyfriend, because he was obviously trying to hit on me.
and to make matters worse, he's compatible with me through astrological signs. :O
I'd like him to be more upfront with his status around me and my friends... :O and introduce me as his girlfriend too.
He gives the excuse that, "we're always together".
Meaning, if two people were always seen together, would indicate they were in some type of relationship.... bullshit!
Sometimes he does. I don't really mind, though, because it's just a brief hello. If he got into a deep conversation, I would expect to be introduced.
Or I would at least say "Hi, I'm Amber" and wait for him to say something along of the lines of "Oh, you haven't met my girlfriend yet, have you?".
But other than that, he usually introduces me unless he's talking to someone he considers only an acquaintance.