There is no faster buzzkill or turnoff than the discussion of exes with a current significant other.
Inevitably the jealousy starts:
Does she still love him?Was she better in bed than I am? Did he make you come?Do you two still talk?etc., etc., etc.
To a certain extent, I think everyone tries to distance themselves from their exes for a while, until perhaps all the feelings have gone away and it feels all right to be friends again.
There seems to also be an expectation from new boy/girlfriends to get rid of a lot of the personal things exes have given you.
But what do you do about things like clothing, or even more difficult, sexy lingerie? Chances are you know exactly what it was used for (multiple times!). Is the girl just supposed to get rid of it? Would it feel awkward seducing a new boy in lingerie that an ex gave you, or worse, gave you and then fucked you in?
It's interesting to think about.
I was looking through old pictures yesterday and came across The Folder. You know - the one with risqué photos your ex sent you while seducing you from afar so you'd be ready for action when the time came.
I really hadn't thought to get rid of them until today, but I don't know if I should feel some obligation to just because we're not together. To me it feels like any other intimate gift. Should I take back a vibrator or restraints because I'm not going to be involved anymore?
What do you guys think? When it comes to sex related gifts, is there an obligation to get rid of them, or can you keep them?
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Comments (43)
Without even trying, you made this the kinkiest post I've ever read on here. I'm assuming you're into kinky sex; judging by the gifts and examples you've listed.
As for the question: Do what YOU feel is right. Personally, intimate gifts like clothing should just be locked away or thrown away. Things like letters? No. Jewelry? No. Vibrators? YES. Sentimental gifts are typically okay to keep, but it can cause major friction to keep things that revolve around sex.
As for those pictures: That's just horrible. Don't keep them.
don't keep the pictures! i'm sure your ex thought you deleted them. since you're not together anymore, i doubt she wants you to look at her naked body daily, monthly, whatever. you're not together, so i feel as though you've lost the right. she doesn't want you to see anymore.
as for other gifts, it'd be a waste to throw things away, but it would be a touchy subject... i don't really know about those.
but the pictures, definitely delete them.
If I was in this position I would get rid of the gift and the photos
I'm getting rid of the jewelry I have. the only clothes any ex ever gave me is actual clothes, nothing really for the bedroom so i'm keeping it all. the only photos like that i have are from my husband lol. we have sex furniture that if he and i were to ever split, damn right i'm keeping it!
Personally if I break up with a guy I still like to keep cute friendship type pics of us.... I have never had a guy I was dating send me any sexy pics although I can think of one guy who I would be happy to see some of but I think if I had sexy pics and I broke up I would delete those. I generally think it would be weird to keep sexy lingeree and stuff from one guy while with another guy but.... I have no real experience in this area either. I guess you should get rid of anything you think your new love would not approve of............. ~Echo
Anything of a sexual nature (naked pics, lingerie, sex toys, etc) should definitely be thrown away. How does that not totally freak you out to be wearing the lingerie your ex got you with your current SO? That's just...gross! I'm surprised your current SO hasn't thrown all that stuff into the fire by now, and if you don't get rid of it soon, it will become a major problem in your relationship. If your SO finds "the folder", you're so dumped. And rightly so.
Even though the only gifts my boyfriend ever gave me were letters and a necklace in the year and a half we were together, he asked for it ALL back, every last thing. He even erased every post he ever left on my blogs or facebook. Like he was erasing our relationship totally
I felt like it was a little unfair because he kept everything I ever gave him.
@paperairplane_quotes@xanga - Just wanted to clarify, I am single.
If I were in your position, I would definitely delete the pictures. Why would I want to look at someone who I used to be with? Unless you're still hang up over her or using her photos to blackmail her in the near future. lol. But that's not nice either.
As for the sex toys, mmm... it depends. But those sexy lingeries that he got me and you know what, I'll probably throw those away. It'll be weird wearing those to get my freak on on another guy. lol.
i throw everything out, delete everything. i do keep all my lingerie because i bought them myself, though.
Photos, toss them. No good can come out of keeping those.
Lingerie... if he bought for you then yes, I'd toss it out. Only because he bought it for you, for the purposes of seeing you in it. Your new boyfriend would think, "that's the one she used to seduce him." Other lingerie that you've bought yourself, regardless if only one guy has seen it would be, the lingerie she seduces guys in.
I don't think it matters that you guys had sex wearing it. (I wouldn't throw out my bra panties sets or lingerie each time I broke up.) But if it was a gift, then yeah, I'd toss it.
As for vibrators.I feel like vibrators are personal for the girl. I'd keep it, unless it reminded me of the ex.
Keep the pictures. They are nothing more than porn at this point and until you find someone that is worthy of all your attention there is no need to get rid of them. Personally the letters and jewelry have a more significant emotional value than pictures, toys and lingerie have. The sexual items don't bother me as much. Not to mention toy's and lingerie are expensive and as long as I am the one that is benefiting from their use/wear I don't care where they came from.
What a post! I agree with distancing till the feeling is mutual and friendly. I keep items as a keepsake... remember the good times by. However, if it ends on bad terms, i'd more than likely burn the lot! :P
Definitely get rid of the photos. As for the other stuff, it depends. I have nice things that exes have given me and I would hate to get rid of them just because of their origin. My current bathrobe (terry and velvet - not sexy, totally functional) is from an ex. My current thinks it's nice and even agreed it was a good gift. I guess it depends on the context of the relationship.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - I'm going with you and the minority here! Or maybe I should say I'm siding with the boys. Hmmm.
First, zip those babies up and put a password on the zip file and call it something like "Old Starcraft Saves". LOL.
Oh I don't know... I mean, it depends on the next girl. Ideally everyone has perfect communication channels and you'll find out exactly how she feels because she'll tell you openly and you can discuss it and she won't actually just resent you for it and harbor grudges that you kept things or that she found them until one day you bust out the cuffs causing her to explode in a rage, cuff you to the bumper of her car, and drive off a bridge together. You see where I'm going with this? You're now at the bottom of a pond/lake/river/ocean trying to decide if it was worth it.
If there's any doubt in your mind that the next girl is comfortable with non-sentimental objects, because of "where they've been" *snicker*, then throw them away. They're just money. You needn't have too much attachment to toys and lingerie just because they have memories associated to them. That's what pictures are for. Okay, maybe you can keep a few. But put them away. Box them up. Seal it with red tape. Hide it in your parents basement. Clearly mark it "mom, dad, you REALLY DON'T WANT TO OPEN THIS BOX". Ignorance is not bliss, but it is sanity. Don't thrust them in her face, and she won't put you in the bottom of a lake.
And I'm serious about the pictures. Password protect ftw.
P.S. I may get some flak from the ladies about hiding things from your SO. I'm going to continue to stand by my stance: ignorance is not bliss, but it is sanity. It's sentimental and happy (or horny) memories for us. You don't want to see it or hear about it. Therefore we hide it. That's sanity.
Deleted all the pictures.
And GAVE HIM BACK his promise ring.
Don't promise me shit you can't keep, ya digg.
But kept all the letters.
I think objects are fine to keep. They're yours now, and they were free. If you personally feel like you should get rid of them, do it, but if it's just as a security blanket for any significant other you might have later on... I don't think it's worth it. When you're married and you can agree with them and say "Well, I don't need these anymore anyway," that's the time to be rid of those things.
As for pictures.... well, that's just awkward. I would get rid of those. That's not just a reminder, that's a slap in the face (well, a good one for you; bad one for the new SO). And this assuming they're actual pictures, but I guess if they're on your computer.. it just depends.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - I agree generally, except for the whole throwing stuff away bit. Free stuff! Why toss it? I hate to see people get rid of useful things that aren't broken or otherwise unusable. In this respect I think people need to look past their feelings and see the practical side of it..
Sexy pics, I would delete or shred/burn. I'd be kinda uncomfortable with my bf looking at naked pics of girls we knew or his ex; likewise, he would be uncomfortable with me looking at guys he knew or an ex. Plus, it seems a bit disrespectful to the ex if he/she doesn't want you to keep them.
Lingerie, jewelry, sex toys, other gifts, I would keep unless you (or your partner) couldn't look at it without being reminded of your ex. If you've managed to divorce the object from the giver, then keep it; otherwise, toss it.
1) With a new SO, talk about your past relationships and the items you have. Find out their stance on it, and go from there.
2) Follow what the two of you decided - throw, keep, lock away, whatever.
3) I'm with @Not_a_real_site@xanga on this one: risque pictures of an ex are effectively porn at this point and you lost the right to view them when you lost the right to be with that person. Therefore, most, if not all, of the pictures of you have to go. ALL risque ones, definitely. Couple-dom photos will depend on the relationship, situation, role and value of the pictures.
Definitely a very interesting post, for sure!
Just another reason why I don't have sex before marriage...and even more so, wouldn't use toys and the like with someone that I'm dating. If a boyfriend of mine ever thought about buying me lingerie or something, I'd tell him not to. That stuff is too personal. But if I somehow ended up in that situation, I'd throw the stuff away after breaking up.
about the clothing part/lingerie, i know what you mean. lol.
i didn't buy it to seduce my boyfriend of the time (back then).
my friend had a lingerie party and it was meant for that.
but i couldnt help but dress up all sexy for a new thing. lol.
i really like it, so i don't get rid of it.
unless it was something my ex bought me, to wear specifically for him, then i would throw it out. :O
but besides kinky sex gifts, there are other things I have from my ex boyfriends, and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was moving all my stuff one day, and noticed I had hella crap in boxes I never went through. SO, I decide to check them out, and found all these things related to my ex.
I decided to throw out what I didn't need, or wasn't of any use to me...
I do have a bunch of clothes he bought me, that I hardly ever wear... but he did give me a few of his boxers...
Which I believe I should throw out... >_>
but point is, it's your decision.
if it's something useful to you, then keep it.
or if it was important to you (in a sentimental way) keep it.
don't ever throw anything away if your current bf asks you to.
delete pictures if you don't care to see them, etc.
i deleted all pictures of me and my ex on everything possible. O:
and threw away the jewelry that he bought me. lol.
but i still have the stuffed animals, that i know i'll give away someway or another.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - LOL. i still have my letters too hahhaah.
lol, "The Folder". Well.... it's up to you really, to keep it or not. You can always save [the files] on a CD and then stash the CD privately somewhere. =/
Keep the pictures, sir. They are a part of your past.... lol. a good past.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - hear hear!