Miss Fox Before I get involved, here is the back story:
Last year I went to see a movie with my roommate. As we were going into the theater, we saw our friend "Samantha"'s boyfriend, "Tony," walking in with another girl. Not only we were pretty shocked, but we were also feeling pretty gutsy: we confronted him on the spot. He tried to nonchalantly introduce us to his "friend," but it was totally clear that he knew he was busted, and that his "friend" knew that he was busted.
After the movie, my roomie and I waited in our car outside the theater to see them together, but they never left. We told Samantha that night, and they broke up the next day.
Sam's now ex-boyfriend took that "friend" to his college formal that week.
As far as I know, they stayed together for a little while.
Back to the present:
One of my very best guy friends (we'll call him Bob) is seeing a new girl. At first, I thought she was nice but a little socially awkward. She would text me while standing two feet from me and tell me how weird she felt around Bob's friends. Her key line would always be, "You guys are nice; I just feel like I can't be myself." Well, Bob and this girl met while this girl was dating someone else, which isn't necessarily a bad thing - but they also started being sexual before she broke it off with this other guy.
I found out last night that Bob's new girl was Tony's "other woman". This means that: Tony's relationship ended because of this girl stealing him away, and now this same girl is making Bob being the "other man."
Apparently Bob knows that his new love interest was the cause of controversy in the past, but he doesn't care. To make matters worse, Bob and this girl have only been "dating" for about a month, and all of our friends can already tell that he's a different person - and not for the better.
Do I tell my friend all that I've found out? Do serial cheaters deserve to be ratted out?
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Comments (28)
Yep. As a friend, I would warn them. I wouldnt make any demands, but as a friend... I'd be honest only because I care. Not because I'm nosy. It wasn't like you guys purposely went snooping around and dug up dirt on her.
well.. it doesn't seem like the situation has changed for this girl.. so i would say rat her out. normally i would say give her a chance, but ... doesn't sound very promising..
: /Yep, I'd totally rat her out!
Of course! People who have no morals don't deserve second chances, especially if she's negatively changing their personalities. But if Bob knows about her past and is still going out with her - not to mention leaving another girl because of her - then he might have had a little problem before that chickadee anyway. Good luck!
Okay, I couldn't follow the story at all, but yeah, I'd rat her out. It's a matter of pointing him in the direction of the truth if he wants to hear it. He needs to follow the matter up on his own if he needs to.
"Though it be honest, it is never good
To bring bad news"
William Shakespeare - Antony and Cleopatra
Just hope he doesn't kill the messenger.
i would agree with everyone else & totally rat her out. i mean, he's your REALLY good friend, and you haven't really liked this chick from the beginning.
it's only fair of you as a friend really.
besides, if he's changing in a bad way, i'd say do it ASAP because once she has him hooked, it's gonna be very hard for him to change back most likely. trust me, i've been through a similar situation before. not good!
but good luck & i hope it all works out :)
fuck. so confusing.
Rat her out. People need to be warned about her ways. Either she needs to shape up or things will get ugly all over again.
As a friend, he needs to know all the information you know. It is up to him to decide what he wants to do. It is important for him to know he needs to take caution with this new girl.
Be a good friend and tell "Bob" all you know. Might save him some trouble. Then again, some people just don't listen until it's too late haha...but at least you would have given him the chance.
If Tony's ex and Bob's current gf is the same girl, how come it took you awhile to realize that? Or maybe I didn't follow the story correctly. If Bob knows she cheated on her last bf (Tony) to be with Bob, then it's not your place to say it because most likely he may know how she is and thinks maybe he can change her. It's similar to how a lot of women think they can change a guy, a lot of women might go for 'bad boys' so they can change them to become good men with street smarts.
You might want to hint something if he doesn't know. But how do you know she was having sex with Bob while she was dating someone else, who wasn't Tony...or was he?
I'd tell your friend, so he knows what is up with this girl but let him make the decision on what he wants to do.
what a complicated dilemna..
That definitely deserves a warning. Your poor friends :(
stay out of this. I just came out from one n trust me, i was the evil one and not the one who was supposed to be punished. the worst is they think u are ruining things on purpose.
They deserve to be ratted out. However, and I repeat from another of my blog entries since I've walked a mile in those moccasins.
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!! THERE IS NO FASTER WAY TO RUIN YOUR FRIENDSHIP THAN TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST ANOTHER'S LOVE INTERESTS EVEN IF YOU ARE RIGHT!!!
What missleshya said is entirely correct. If you jump in on a couple where the friend is in la-la land/delusional, you automatically seem like you are trying to break them up.
Despite what we say in society; the bros almost never come before the hoes. The best thing you can really do for him is to be there when it all goes sour. It's not great advice, but I know he probably won't listen.
If Bob already knows about her history, I don't know what you would be accomplishing by ratting her out to your other friends. It just sounds back handed and unnecessary. If Bob knows what he's dealing with then you're better to just keep it to yourself rather than spreading it around and creating a lot of drama. His business isn't everybody's business.
If he already knew about her past and was even sexually involved with her while she was with Tony, eh, he was willing to make himself the "other" man. I say screw it and let him learn from his own experience.
Just tell them like it is. No crime in being honest.
It would be better for you to tell him now rather than him find out the hard way. He could also find out that you've known but never said anything and that could make things worse.
Yeah, you should tell him. Although it really seem like he'll care..
If you are friends with the person who is being cheated on, yes.
It's a stretch to call her a serial cheater... you have to rule out the TONY/SAMANTHA part and make your judgements and decisions from that point on. However, why are you even considering meddling? Let Bob make his own decisions...
tell him and make him understand what he's getting himself into,
but i dont think he will listen- but it's worth a try
This is some 5th grade shit