When I started dating in my last year of high school, I had the misfortune of recognizing a pattern in my relationships that seemed to prove never ending. What was it? All of my relationships crashed and burned in just one week. I asked myself what I was doing wrong. Was I rushing things? Did I not take the time to get to really know my partner? Should I have put out? Was I not pretty enough? Was I too naive to really figure out guys and the games they love to play?
Well, one, I was definitely naive. Two, I'm GLAD I didn't put out. I considered it a great accomplish that I graduated high school still a virgin (believe me, by the time graduation arrived, girls in my class had already had their first kid or were expecting). Three, I know now that falling quickly into a relationship is more than likely to be doomed from the start.
Just last year, one of my really good friends started a relationship with a frat guy she was talking to for about a month. I was really happy for her because she looked exuberant every time I saw her. She and her guy looked really good together; there was obvious chemistry between them. A month later, I'm browsing friends' pages on Facebook and check her profile to discover that they had broken up.
I waited for her to bring up their breakup, and she admitted that she, too, noticed a pattern in her relationships; guys seemed to lose interest in her after a short period of time. Basically, guys enjoyed her company and personality during the talking phase, but when they ended up dumping her soon after their relationship began, it spoke volumes that their likeness was actually simple infatuation. The problem with infatuation? It doesn't last too long.
I managed to break out of my pattern of one week relationships as I am now in a steady relationship that has lasted for well over a year. My friend has not been so fortunate.
Have any of you ever experienced certain things in your relationships that became repetitive to the point where you might have thought you were cursed? Or just unlucky when it came to love?
Comments (23)
All of my previous relationships lasted just a few months: 4, 1, and 3 respectively.
My problem was less with the guy and more with myself. I was the one that got tired of it, plus I didn't exactly pick winners.
My current BF and I have been together for over a year now, so I think it would be safe to say I have broken my streak!
I was SO happy when we broke that 5 month mark. It was like beating a record or something, haha!
Ah ah ah. Infatuation. Infatuation is stages 1-2 (compatibility and physical/sexual attraction) of the 8 stages. Swing by my blog at the end of the day V-day for my post on the 8 stages. It takes time to figure out how to develop a relationship past the infatuation phase. It's about personal growth in you and the persons you date. If either lacks it, the relationship will die when the infatuation wears off, so it's not JUST you, and even when you've grown past it, you still need to find a man who has as well. Good luck to her, and good for you for outgrowing it and finding a man who has as well.
My take is that it is very much a personality issue. Some people will take seemingly forever to make a choice regarding significant others, often passing up what seem like ideal matches until they find someone with who they just "click" with and the relationship lasts for a long time, or forever. These are a lucky few: they have figured out (quickly) what they want in a relationship and spend time to find someone who meets those requirements and then stop looking. I think my fiancee and I fall into this category - the number of significant others that we've had prior to each other can be counted on the fingers of one hand.
Then, there are others, like yourself, that take a little longer to find out what they want and do this through "experimenting", as it were, with different boyfriends who they think will be able to meet their standards. As a result, they often end up moving through several "candidates" relatively quickly before they're able to settle.
There's nothing wrong with either approach, and as with most things in life, it just takes time and experience to figure yourself out!
I'm glad to hear like it sounds you're well down that road to self-discovery :)
one week relationships..
or do you mean..dating? lol
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - gosh..lol hurry up with those 8 stages, already!!
Ugh, yep lol.
Most of my relationships last for only 4 months. Each and every one of them. My flaws:
1. I meet someone else, and my attraction to my current SO fades away. [My fault . . . LOL.]
2. My SO becomes boring and predictable for me.
3. They get too clingy.
4. I'm either too naïve, or too serious.
So, I need to work on a few things. >.>;
my cutoff is at 2 weeks, and at the longest 1 month.
career before all.
I have mostly been on dates with guys and a few short relationships. Now I am with my current boyfriend of over three years.
I always thought these shorter relationships tended to end because in the beginning we were getting to know eachother and talking and talking and...it eventually got to where we had nothing to talk about. Or atleast they didn't. I got bored with silence.
Talk about Sex and the City episode ; ) Haha (sorry im an addict). If your on a repetitive 'curse' of the opposite sexes then try to BREAK it. Go two weeks without dating or even ask the person that last broke up with you - why. See if its the same as the other reasons, if so then either you try to change what you do or find someone that doesnt care.
In the end its harder than you think. And yeah, im thankfully still a virgin and this is my Junior year - 3/4 of my class has already banged ; ) I FEEL COOL! Lawl.
-Kira
I'd like to know how you broke the pattern.
I've definitely noticed patterns in my relationships in the past, and I realized that there were things I needed to do differently to change them. So I did.
yes i have. ive had 7 boyfriends... D: and like probably 6 or 7 months ago, ive noticed a pattern too. like you said, i think all my past 7 relationships was all out of infatuation.=\ iht was fun though HAHA longest i lasted was like 2 and a half months. shortest was a week. buht yeah. after ive noticed my pattern, i told myself this isnt going to happen again. & now im currently in a relationship. for about 2 weeks? haha yeah. buht thats a different story :D
I used to get really bored of my boyfriends and none of them would last (let alone meet) one month. I changed my ways as of my last relationship rotfl
haha yes, my relationships only seem to last about 7 months.. and if he breaks up with me, within a year, he is in a wreck..
mmm. i call it my 7-month curse.
Hahaha and I thought I was the only one who noticed such patterns.. XD
I had 6 relationships in the past, all I took quite seriously but only lasted for 8 months. My 6th relationship was able to break that pattern when we reached a year and 4 months until he turned out to be a total jerk and I had to leave him.
I dunno, I always thought it was really me with the problem but people (like my family) would always remind me that it's them not appreciating my love and care for them. I hope and pray I'll be able to find that someone who can totally break that curse and stick with me longer than my last one. :(
"believe me, by the time graduation arrived, girls in my class had already had their first kid or were expecting"
wtf?? where do you go to school?? that's fucking ridiculous.
i know what that's like. all the guys that liked me were just infatuated. sure enough within a short period of time, they just flat out hated me.
i think its a personal thing or phase everyone goes through, weather you notice it or not.
i have had that phase of dating guys which last from days to maximum of 2 months. i get bored of them easily.
for me, i noticed that when i break up with a guy i can easily pick up another one, so i wasn't worried that i was going to be single. therefore breaking up was just easy for me. its not that i do all the dumping but when i mention breaking up all the guys says 'oh ok' without an argument.
i guess they just weren't right to be with, so its better to get rid of them before you notice your not right for each other
first boyfriend: two months
second: one month
third (first): one week
fourth: two months
fifth: three months
sixth (current): seven months
I think the others were unsuccessful because I didn't choose guys who were good for me.
well it boils down to the men you choose i guess. It also boils down to the things u look out for. You have to be in the same stage as him,accept him for who he is and don't change him. Sometimes it not how hard you try its about how much you can understand him and accept him for who he is. Some men/women look out for their partners out of convenience sake.
It has to be the right one and those that didn't last probably weren't meant to be yours in the first place.:)
Mine lasted only abt 3 months on average each and my longest relationship - 4yrs.
:)
But i didn't end up marrying the guy i dated for 4 yrs.
Of about 4 years of dating, my longest relationship was 2 months and I had many flings/1 week relationships as well. But now I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Saturday. *Crosses fingers* Haha
the thing about women is that they show their best cards upfront. keep yourself to yourself, let him discover you bit by bit. it keeps the fire going.
Funny that you ask, because my love life is about the only area that I don't think I'm "cursed" in. Just about every other aspect of my life however....
i had what i like to call the "two month curse." a lot of my relationships wouldn't last any longer than two months until i started dating my ex, which we lasted for two years. now i've been dating casually and haven't found anyone that i've gotten exclusive with to know if my luck has changed for good or i'll go back to "the curse." i think it's pretty common that this happens when you're younger and you don't really settle in to more mature relationships until some time passes.