Wednesday, 04 February 2009
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Does Anyone Actually Like Hopeless Romantics?
I was recently with a clingy guy, and at first, I thought the whole overaffectionate thing was sweet...almost endearing. Soon, I learned otherwise.
He wrote me love letters and talked about how beautiful/special I was. I started to get a little uncomfortable...I mean, he barely even knew me. He said he'd fallen hard and fast for me, that he was already head-over-heels in love.
I was the total opposite. I didn't love him - I wasn't even sure if I really liked him. I thought it might have been one of those I only liked you because I was flattered kind of thing. It was.
After about a week, I started to get sick of it. Whenever I saw him, my stomach turned. Oh gosh, I've got to end this soon. I didn't do anything to lead him on. I told him I wasn't really comfortable with it all, that I didn't believe in love at first sight - or talk - or anything like that. I told him I didn't think you could love someone that quickly.
He responded by telling me he would wait for me. Stupid, stupid, naive hopeless romantic boy. He also tried to make me promise him that I would never break up with or stop talking to him. It was at that moment that I knew things were going to have to end. He wasn't even really my boyfriend. We may have gone out on dates once or twice (one was a group date). Nothing serious.
The boy was a fanatic. He was already thinking about children (I'm not even old enough to think about kids!), marriage, and other fairytale things.
He was really nice, but honestly - give me some space.
In a healthy relationship, each person should be able to able to function on his or her own. Neither should really need the other. They should just prefer to have each other's company. They care about one another, but life will go on if one person isn't there.
The guy called me pretty much every single day. He was constantly texting, "I miss you" or "You are beautiful" or "I think I'm in love with you." He barely even knew me. All of this affection is flattering, but quite frankly, also borderline creepy.
What do you think about clingy boys/girls? Does anyone actually like hopeless romantics?
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Comments (255)
"Hopeless romantic" is a term that bends depending on the person. He may call himself a hopeless romantic, but that just seems a little hopeless and desperate. Even if he loved you, he could have taken it slow and in moderation. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
My first boyfriend was a romantic guy. He cooked me delicious meals over candlelit tables. We walked by financial district at night by the river. One time we kissed like the titanic scene LOL. I think he was in love with the idea of being in love, not really with ME altho I'm sure he liked me. I liked him but I wasn't in love with him. He wasn't clingy at all.
I think in your situation, you just had a clingy low self esteem psycho case. :P
ive encountered men like that on several occasions, the ones that want to get married to you two dates in.
what i do is i just let them down. just cut them out entirely. there's no way to let these guys down gently, so you gotta be vicious! hahaahha
He seemed much more like a clingy needy boy then a hopeless romantic.
I love hopeless romantics and I am one myself, but I like my alone time and I know other people do too.
Well, some people do, who knows? Some people even fancy total losers...
My friend Nikki was dating this guy AJ for the longest time. He would text her in the morning when he woke up saying "Good morning, beautiful." And would text her everynight before he went to sleep saying "Sweet dreams. I love you." He would call her beautiful and give her flowers and this that and the other, and she started to get REALLY pissed off about it. She would tell him to stop calling her beautiful and wouldn't reply when he said "I love you." They broke up after four months because it was getting too hard to deal with him.
I dont know how I'd feel with a hopeless romantic. I think I'd like it to a certain extent. I don't know. I like to think of myself as a romantic, so I'm really not sure.
I'm a "hopeless" romantic, but I know how to do it right =P
I wouldn't call this guy a hopeless romantic. I think he's a little psycho.
In such cases like with the guy you were talking about in your blog, I don't think he could be considered a hopeless romanctic, but a bit too clingy, even a borderline stalker and obsessive. But I don't think any girl would want a guy who is too clingy, unless she was equally clingy too. As for guys, I think they like and respect girls who exhibit their own independence. I think about the song by Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx called "She Got Her Own" (remix to Ne-Yo's "Independent") where they express their love for a girl "who wants but don't need me", basically a girl who isn't dependent on her man for everything, who isn't needy or clingy.
Clingy people definitely turn me off. I always find myself in situations where I suddenly feel like I'm being stalked and I just want to get away from the person. Romantic people, on the other hand, are a dying breed and I love them.
I think there's a big difference between a "hopeless romantic" and a stalker creep. This guy seems like the latter.
My husband told me that he was falling in love with me nine days into our relationship. I was thrown at first. I wasn't ready to be "in love" and I spilled this huge rant about "love" being a commitment and I wasn't ready to make it. He responded in the right way. He offered to prove his love over time with honesty and being patient with me and putting my needs before his own. We've been happily married for five years.
I think that being romantic is great. But I agree with you when you say you need some space. In a dating relationship you need space and room to grow as individuals as well as a couple.
I say you should let this guy go.
that's not a hopeless romantic. that's a creep.
The three guys who asked me out before my current boyfriend matched this story to a T! They didn't make it past first date!
What's worse is that god-forbid I missed a call, they would call my friends and tell them that I hate them and that they were going to kill themselves.
I don't think that he's a hopeless romanting...I think he's just desperate and clingy.
I've been there before, but I lasted 2 months before I ended it. Haha I think it's something that we all pretty much experience.
i actually hate those. its like, it makes me fee like they're desperate. no fun.
There is most certainly a difference between hopeless romantic and borderline psycho. This guy was number two.
Sorry you had to deal with that. The sensible hopeless romantic, such as myself, would at least wait until they knew they were loved back before getting that crazy.
I agree with abcxunt. Hopeless romantics are basically in love with love -- They aren't like stalkers. He was obsessed with you, and I've seen plenty of hopeless romantics who don't become obsessed with anybody like that. Nah, he was just weird; it's an insult to all hopeless romantics to be calling him one.
I don't think clingy even fits him; He's got the clingy thing down, but he's so obsessed that.. yeah.. that's its own thing.
....i think hopeless and desperate are different...also seems like he doesnt have many friends or much of a social life...soo all that energy was devoted to you =P
sigh, can't live with them, can't stalk them either
romantic= good. suffocating/controlling= bad. :)
"In a healthy relationship, each person should be able to able to function on his or her own. Neither should really need
the other. They should just prefer to have each other's company. They
care about one another, but life will go on if one person isn't there."
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU.
I had an experience somewhat like this... He wasn't OVERTLY obvious, but obvious enough for me. I tried to let him down easy but he didn't get it, so I had to make it blunt that I am not interested in a relationship, especially not with a clingon. (Ha.)
Clinginess to me is a feminine trait (I know, it's a stereotype.. but for the sake of simplicity), and I like men to act like men. If a guy is going to act like a sissy or like a girlfriend, I would rather not have him around.
As far as hopeless romanticism goes... I have my moods where I'm like that, but only in the privacy of my mind. I don't know if I could handle a guy who was like that, especially out-in-the-open about it. It all sounds stupid if you talk about it, imo.
I think I'm just a kid at heart over a hopeless romantic.
Ew, he was WAY too clingy. I agree with you.. since he didn't even really know you, he shouldn't even be saying all that stuff. I believe in love but sheesh.. people like that are just eh... creepy.