I was going out with a guy for a few months and everything was going great. We were very affectionate to one another, but our sex life was kind of not there. He recently told me he was no longer sexually interested in me, which hurt me a lot, and somewhat confused me, but I accepted it. Of course, I realize that having a relationship is not all about being intimate, but I thought I should get out of this confusing situation while I am still young and before the relationship carried out any longer.
We still remain really good friends, but he is starting to send mixed messages. He is constantly asking to see me tor go out to dinner with me or just hang out, and that is fine, but now we are seeing each other as much as we did when we used to go out. He still tries to kiss me, asks me to stay over his house, and he even still continues to call me baby.
I have tried explaining to him that friends do not do this kind of thing, but he says that I am an "exception" . I have no no idea what this guy wants. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, why does he continue to act as if we are still in one?
What are your thoughts?
Comments (68)
He wants a friends with benefits situation. Tell him you aren't interested in doing that and if he can't accept that don't be his friend.
@dreamerboi23@xanga - agree~
He just want to be single, still have the right to flirt with others but at the same time have benefits from a gf, which you're at the spot right now...
terrible thing to do...
If you do not want to be fwb you need to tell him straight up because in the end it's going to hurt you. It just sucks being in that situation.
my ex as the same way...i didn't understand it either. they're all correct (comments up above) - he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
FWB
He probably wants what is most convenient for him. In other words, he wants you to be at his disposal, for what ever it is he is in the mood for.
Yes, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Agreed with the majority.
Now that you know.. get out. Obviously, he isn't interested in pursuing a commitment relationship with you. He's just waiting until the next best thing happens to him and using you to get by.
friends with benefits
I hope he knows he's not being a good guy by doing this. He's basically tying you up emotionally and I think he knows it. Kiiiinda selfish if you ask me :( And yeah, I agree with everyone else... fwb!
Sounds like somebody has a commitment issue -_- And by "somebody", I mean him. Honestly, I think the best thing to do would be confront him on it. tell him you're not interested in "exceptions", and he either commits to a relationship -- sex life and all --, follows the friend code the right way, or get lost. All it's doing is hurting and confusing you, when you should be out there getting back in the game =]
he sounds horrible...
It sounds like he wants some kind of fling, or considers you as "friends with benefits".
He sounds pretty selfish too.
Time to say 'bye bye'. ;D
I agree with what most everyone is saying. He wants you for sex when he wants or anything he wants with you. A friends with benefits type of deal. He's selfish for that and very inconsiderate for your feelings. A real friend wouldn't do that. I think it's time for you to tell him that you don't like whathe's doing and just leave. Cut that friendship short. You need better friends than him.
He seems to be as confused as anyone in this situation. He may not want the title, thus putting you in a friends with benefits situation. If that's not what you're looking for with him, then simply tell him.
However! I don't mind him doing all the things that he is (calling you baby, trying to kiss you, etc).. then go with the flow. Sometimes being in a relationship isn't just about the title, but instead can be about how two people feel about each other.
Figure out what you want first, and then go from there.
You said that he said he was no longer sexually interested in you, but you did not say that he is no longer interested in you. Maybe he was never sexually interested in you to begin with, maybe he just pretended to be because that's what you wanted of him. What I'm getting at is: Maybe he's asexual. (Unless by "staying over" you mean for sex, in which case my theory goes out the window.) But I want all that stuff too -- someone to be interested in who is interested in me back, someone to go on dates with, someone to cuddle with at night and wake up to, someone to trade light kisses with, someone to flirt with and call pet names... everything except sex.
And generally, if the girl is really sexual, and I know she wants it, I try to ignore the fact that it's not what I want, and I will, for awhile, let sexual situations unfold. But they don't last long. Usually I'm really upfront with my disinterest in sex, though. So usually, if we ever "go there" we both completely understand what this means for me and for her and how our feelings differ and stuff.
If you have never heard of asexuality and you think maybe this actually does fit him, asexuality.org is a good place to become educated. If, however, when you say "stay over" you mean for sex, I apologize for the misinformation. But simply saying "staying over" is too vague for me to know and so I'd rather throw out too much information and be wrong than not say this stuff at all.
Well, I have gone through the same thing as you did... Men are just like that...
GET OUT NOW! I agree with the majority of the people. He wants you only when he wants you. Nothing serious. It's not fair for you. Even if you like the guy, you deserve someone who wants to be with you and ONLY you.
Ignore this guy, sounds like trouble. It seems he doesn't even know what he wants with you.
Instead of saying he wasnt intrested in you sexually he should have just told you he just wanted a friend with benifits because he thinks because yall just broken up and you still have feelings for him your going to continue on doing what he wants (sexually) so if you dont speak up now and telll him how u feel then he is going to take advantage of you. it sounds like he just wants someone to sleep with but not have any commitment and he should have just told you that. because its obvious that he is still attracted to you sexually so yeah let him know a thing or two unless you dont mind sleeping with him and being with him like that without being in a relationship
@lmflazyjai1984@xanga - Sure sounds like it. My boyfriend's ex did the same thing to him, and really just wanted to control his life, and have him over anytime she wanted. But she would go out and sleep with other guys.
When he found out, he got out. But he was just there for "company" for her and for something for her to fall back on. She told him she hated having sex with him and did not find him attractive at all. What a fucked up person.
My question is this: Why are you letting him do this? Haha, as a woman, you have the control and power. Use it and stop the nonsense =P
He wants to be single, and he also wants to fuck you. Congratulations, he wants you as a fuck-buddy.
your milkshake.
Tell him no. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it, too. He wants to have you around when there aren't any better options and then feel free to leave if another girl walks by. Ditch the loser, get a real man.
Get away from him. He's using you, though I'm not sure if it is intentional. He's tired of sex, but he still wants you around, I guess in case he wants sex again. You need to break things off with him.