I'm in a bit of a dilemma: I'm falling for two different men and I don't know how to choose between them. Neither of them knows about each other and each believes I am only seeing him.
I met "Charles" online via match.com in October. We traded emails back and forth for two months before we finally met. Our first date was AMAZING - we had incredible chemistry and laughed as though we'd known each other for years. He even asked me to go to brunch with him the following morning. It was then that we shared our first kiss, and ever since then, we've been talking to each other every day. He is without a doubt one of the most wonderful guys I have ever met. He's kind and compassionate, extremely intelligent, and very sexy. He brings out a more spiritual side of me and makes me want to be a better person. He encourages me when I doubt myself and reassures me that everything will be okay. He simply brightens my day.
The downfall? He lives halfway across the nation - over 2000 miles away.
One weekend, I was feeling extremely lonely and vulnerable
(I moved away for graduate school and all my close friends and family also live over 2000 miles away), and I really just wanted someone to talk to. Enter "Alex". I met him through a mutual friend and we traded AIM screen names and phone numbers. We talked for five hours online and a couple hours on the phone before having our first date two days later. I am so completely physically attracted to him; he is the epitome of good-looking. Both of us are usually more reserved when it comes to having sexual relations, but we were so incredibly sexually attracted to each other.
We've been sleeping with each other for the past week and it is the BEST sex I've EVER had in my life. I've had enough partners in my life to know how I feel toward sex and the only time I've ever enjoyed sex THIS much was with an ex-boyfriend who I was very much in love with for over two years.
All this time, I feel horrible about what I'm doing to "Charles" behind his back. I still talk to him every day and my feelings for him are still there. He is EVERYTHING I want in a man and he's the kind of guy I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm flying out to see him in a few weeks and I've been looking forward to this trip for over a month. If this trip is anything like our first (and last) two dates and the conversations we have every day, I know I could fall in love with him right then and there.
But "Alex" is still in the back of my mind. can't deny the insane attraction I have towards him; my body just yearns to be close to him. Granted, he's not as stable and as kind-hearted as "Charles," but he's definitely more raw and aggressive. We disagree on so many things, but he brings out a fire within me. We like each other, and in this case, opposites very much attract.
For any fans of Sex and the City, "Charles" is Aidan and "Alex" is Mr. Big.... And I'm Carrie...hopelessly torn between them. My question to you: who should I choose? "Charles," the man I would hope to marry in the future and lives over 2000 miles away, or "Alex," the exciting yet faithful bad boy who lives only a thirty minute drive away?
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Comments (80)
Maybe you can find a third man who has the qualities of both of the other men.
Follow your heart (:
if any of them find out what your doing..they will be pissed off..i mean i know i would be if a girl i really liked did that behind my back. How would u feel if the tables were turned. It would suck. You have to find out what you really want. Maybe Alex is only Lust...Cant be playing with two guys hearts. Wouldnt be fair to them or you.
youre being really unfair to both of them. shouldn't really be asking anyone who you should choose, the decision is clear: if you cant stay faithful to Charles, stop wasting his time. you're being selfish, and chances are, even if you decide to "choose" Charles, you are prob going to cheat again. long-distance relationships are tough and i doubt you'll mature overnight and be able to handle one
im not shur what the problem iz why not hav yer cake & eat it too just be honest with both of them im all for pologamy/polyamory wether itza man with more than one partner or a woman with more than one partner it seemz to me we hav this kultural ishue that izza direkt result of our judeoxtian werld view one man one woman i say whatever people dont fit into boxiz that way dont let yerself be lyke sumthing yer not take two instedda one go forrit
oh & just quik note i wudnt date a guy if i cudnt walk to hiz house 2000 milez or 30 minit drive thatz WAY too far try to find sum guyz closer to home
The picture looks like the intro for a porno
i came across that and i have to say, i've been in a similiar situation where i was dating and falling for two men at the same time. everyone that commented before me is right, it's not fair to do it to either men but you have to look past that and do what's right for you. "follow your heart"; i know it's cliche and hardly helps but it's really all you can do. "charles" sounds like the better of the two to me, it seems like you two have a real connection past a sexual connection but only you know that for sure. i hope everything works out for the best for you.
You only been on two dates with Charles. Can you really handle a long-distance relationship with Charles when Alex is only 30 minutes away. Be truthful. Don't waste Charles's time if you know that you can't be only with him for the long run.
Wow someone is selfish. Need to have our cake and eat it too? You are playing with both of these guys' hearts and it isn't fair. If you feel that you have a future with Charles, then be with him. If you are not ready for all of that, then be with Alex. Either way, you are lying and cheating on both of them, so it sounds like you don't really care for either one of them.
And pansybradshaw - WUT?!
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I know how hard it is. Being torn between two guys is not easy at all. I made a decision to stick with the one that I saw myself with for the rest of my life, although he lived farther away. Unfortunately, it was harder to stick to it with the other constantly there in my life. I couldn't do it anymore and I came clean with the both of them, and told them both that I had feelings for someone else. They both stayed there by my side, patiently waiting for my decision. By the end of it all, my first instinct decision was right. The one that had all the qualities that I wanted in a man was there in a way that the other wasn't. Honestly, there isn't a way for me to advise you who to choose, or what to do. You need to take a step back and look at what's in front of you. Who can you live with, and who can you live without?Â
Here's a novel idea - PICK ONE.
I'm so sick of seeing these stupid "dilemmas" on this site. It's not a fucking dilemma, you're just indecisive and selfish. Pick one and be done with it instead of hurting two people for the sake of your happiness or don't pick either and move on with your life.
And, just as a side note, if you want to MARRY someone, that's typically a good indication that that's the person you should pick.
Furthermore - Datingish, get some new material. This is fucking old and played out.
Think about it this way: when the guy (think individually) becomes old, how attractive do you think he'd look to you? Would you still be attracted to him as a whole?
You should be with someone that you'd be attracted to no matter what.
To me, Alex sounds like someone that you just want to have sex with.
Its normal. Maybe you can drop that you're into open relationships into theconversation at some point, ie if you are.
slim
Huzzah, AnonymousBlonde. You didn't hesitate at all.
I only have one thing, and it's advice from my mother = Play with fire, and you're going get burned.
Unless you pick one (and I'd say the choice was obvious), you're going to either get so deep into both that you'll be married to one and still screwing the other, or they'll find out about each other, and you'll end up alone.
Side Note ...I always preferred Aidan.
Hmm.
"Charles" seems like a good husband material. "Alex" seems like a good laid. Maybe you should try sleeping with Charles and see if he's a good laid too. If he is, you got the whole package there! (lol)
Kidding.
But on a serious note, what you're doing is unfair to both men. If you were talking with Charles already, you shouldn't had gotten yourself involved with Alex. Though it seems clear that you were only attracted to Alex physically and he was close by. At the end, choose someone who you will end up being happy with no regrets at the end.
Obviously, there must be "someone" who you care and love for more than the other. It's just the "choosing" that's hard.
@pansybradshaw@xanga - WOW. I felt like I was reading in a different language or somewhat.
what dilemma?
you have two slices of pie AND get to eat it, too.
morailty is so... bush regime.
get over it.
I want to call you a slut but that wouldn't be nice or very fair because it would fall into the double standard category. So instead I will say that your attempt to make your "dilemma" seem like some sort of fantasyesque tv show is merely a cover for the fact that you are on the same level of a male that is incapable of self control.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Completely agreed.
just think how you would feel if either one of those guys would do or is doing the same thing to you? i dont think you have had enough time with either to decide, but they should know you are still looking.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - //
Here's a novel idea - PICK ONE.
I'm
so sick of seeing these stupid "dilemmas" on this site. It's not a
fucking dilemma, you're just indecisive and selfish. Pick one and be
done with it instead of hurting two people for the sake of your
happiness or don't pick either and move on with your life.
And,
just as a side note, if you want to MARRY someone, that's typically a
good indication that that's the person you should pick.//
I concur. As far as I'm concerned, ilovemangoes, you're just two-timing, and that's fucking stupid.
It depends on what you want right now. I know you want them both, but think seriously about what it is that you really want in your life at this moment.
"Charles" seems to be a hope of a husband. He sounds like an all-around good guy and sounds pretty dependable. However, even with all of this, and while you're talking with him, you're sleeping with "Alex", so it seems as though the more attractive of the two to you right now is obviously "Alex".
I think "Charles" is in the picture because you still want that safety net for the future, but it seems to me that "Alex" is who you really want.
I got two words for you:
Threesome.
@EmanBruin@xanga - absofukinlutely i dont get the whole 1 on 1 thang throw of yer old tyred ethiks & live lyfe to the fullist