Tuesday, 03 February 2009
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I Wouldn't Go Back to Her Place; She Was Furious
Men are dogs. We will wine you dine you then run away as soon as the sun rises. Right? Perhaps... But.. Women are just as guilty! It takes two to tango. My New Year's resolution was no more one night stands! Is it possible? Well, I have made it 28 days, and considering I'm going out to the club/bars once or twice a week, that's pretty good. Now that I have been trying to refrain from the drunken ignorance of a one-night stand, I am realizing just how hard this is going to be. 28 days and no walk of shame...yet.
I crave the ignorance of my debaucherous year of 2007...but I will not give in. I am 28. Time to grow up.
Or so I thought.
This past weekend I had a flirtatious night with a rather attractive woman. It took all my willpower to refrain the urge to call the "taxi of love" and whisk us away to whoever's apartment was closer. I refrained, but an odd thing happened. She invited me home with her, which is rare in and of itself. But the thing that blew my mind was her reaction to my rejection.
I thought for sure I would score major points by resisting such temptation - I'm being a gentleman and perhaps securing a future date, right? Not exactly.
I am a pretty confident person, so with all my confidence, I rejected her offer and very smoothly began to persuade her for a future date instead...I might as well have slapped this girl in the face. She looked as if I insulted her as no one ever has and made me feel like a total wuss. And after a couple hours of mindless bantering from my drunken friends, I began to resent my resolution.
So I ask you this, women of Datingish...
Are you "dogs" as well? And am I the only one who appreciates my resolution? Would you respect a guy more or less if he rejected your invitation to go home with him?
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- From: jfmichael@xanga
- Name: jfmichael
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Comments (71)
I'd probably respect him more, especially if he asked me out on a date... Sheesh, she must have really been desperate for a lay <.<
It was perhaps her first time asking a guy to go back to her place. Maybe she recently called it quits with her man and was desperate to ignore her pain for one evening...
if my self worth were based on or affected by whether or not a guy was interested in me/i scored with a guy, i'd probably feel horrible. however, (and this is hypothetical since i hopefully wouldn't be having one-night stands) since my values are different, i'd respect the guy much more who went out of his way to restrain himself (whether it was for his own sake or mine is irrelevant; though more kudos to him if he was considering me)
@baila - you definately could be right. I guess it was the shock value of it all. It was just funny being on the other side of things.
big mistake
Lol. o-o;
From my point of view, I'd respect the guy abit more, especially if he's trying to stick to a New Year's resolution. I dunno, I'd still be happy either way if he followed up by asking me out.
i think the level of respect is directly proportional to the age of the person desiring respect.
i'd respect you more.
Well, that was my same resolution, actually :) So let me know if you've settled on a correct answer!
@zubes5806@xanga - exactly, couldn't have said it better myself :)
If a guy did that to me, I would probably just automatically assume that he thinks I'm ugly and be offended at first, but if the guy asked me out to go on a date another day and actually explained the whole resolution thing, I'd respect him anyways.
hmm thats weird if anything that should have made her want you more. I know for me that would have turned me on and it would have deffinitly been a yes that i would go on a date with you, hey her lost..she sucks hah!!!!!
Lol, HUGE mistake. No no, j/k, it's not a mistake, it's just a resolution. It's a decision. Maybe one that gets reversed before it's time to make 2010 resolutions. Maybe one that gets reversed by desperate lonely girls on Valentines Day. Either way, she's upset because it's rejection. No matter how you slice it, people (girls and guys, men and women) do NOT LIKE TO BE REJECTED. She asked, you said no. Simple as that. Would many girls respect you more if you had not asked? Sure. But SHE asked. You rejected. She was NOT happy. She definitely sounded like she over-reacted, to be honest, especially since you asked for a date, but the simple fact is, she felt rejected. I don't necessarily think it defines her horniness that she got angry. I think that was clearly defined when she asked in the first place (nothing wrong with a horny girl! please send her my way, except it's been so long I wouldn't know what to do with her).
I would respect you in hindsight, but in that moment, the rejection would hurt. Girls Love to feel desired, and your declining to accompany her home probably made her feel undesirable and like a whore {for being so eager, and then being shut down} But looking back now, I would Think at least that she would respect you.
Well see... What I am trying to say is... There have been many one night stands where we drunkenly go off and put holes in the walls..Pull hair... Break beds.. You know..The drunk.. 'this stranger is gonna remember me' sex...
I am just so over it. (Not the sex.. The randomness.) So besides the bar... Where do you find a girl who might also be ready to deal away with the games and approach a relationship in a more mature manner?
Everyone says.. "It will happen when it happens.." But seriously.. Who wants to wait that long?
Perhaps it is Cupid's punishment towards me for all the debaucherous years of my life? Either that or I am just so pesimistic about relationships that I am blindly missing 'the' girl.
I see both sides. You were totally right to stick to your resolution! if you didn't want to go back to her place.. then you shouldn't have gone. (well we know you WANTED to.. but you know what i mean)Â
on the flip side i could see how she could be embarrassed or offended. i mean just because you went to her place didnt mean you had to sleep with her though right?
just keep that in mind..
Def. If I actually invited a guy home w/me and he rejected the request but tried to make a future date, I would really respect and appreciate that. Kudos to you, man.
Are you kidding me? I would totally respect you for what you did. Swearing off one night stands is an act of self-respect in my eyes, and you're simply holding up that resolution. Obviously this woman was just looking for sex, and if you're looking for something more then she's not worth it. Keep up your resolution, you're absolutely doing the right thing here, for yourself and for the next woman you meet with whom you want to share more than just sex.
@jfmichael@xanga - From what I've heard, the bar isn't the best place to find a relationship-worthy girl. Not that it's impossible, just that it's not the best place.
I'm still in school, so it's easier for me to meet girls, however, I've heard that work is a great place. One even better is Starbuck's. That's where I met my girlfriend. Just go buy a drink and sit outside. Talk with people that pass by or ask to sit with people. You never know who can have an attractive friend that is looking for a relationship!
@NrCaSurferChic@xanga - I definately wouldnt of been going to her place to drink coffee :P
I was sailing with Captain Morgan that night. The seas were rockin...I would of shivered her timbers for sure if i had gone home with her.
And my resolution would of been lost.
@Spyder_V@xanga - Yeah..The bar scene is old... Going out is fun...But I agree. Finding any woman relationship worthy is almost impossible.
I wish this town had some places liek starbucks. As far as I know they do not.
I'd respect you more!!!
She probably has self-esteem issues, so don't sweat it. Hopefully you "rejected" her in a smooth fashion, rather than making her think there was something wrong with her.
BTW - Seriously? How many one night stands have you had? I've had ZERO. Not that hard, babe.
@jfmichael@xanga - Well then try open and public areas where people would go. Cafes are definitely good places, but if there are none, it's kind of hard to say.
@howmanycheers@xanga - How many? Heh I dont know. Not all of them led to full blown intercourse...
And it is hard. I LOVE the female gender. Soft.. Cuddly.. Beautiful... Sexy... The long hair.. The scent... The vulnerableness... I can go on an on... I am a male...
It is different for a woman... Women have more self control..Well most of them do. They can say no a lot easier than men can.
Atleast I think so. And up til recently..All I cared about was workign hard... and playing harder.
@MochaSprinkle@xanga - I will probably just end up more confused than ever :P But if I figure it out.. I will let ya know.
if I was rebounding, I would be insulted if he said no (b/c then I would be wanting sex and nothing else, so you'd be gone when I was done with you).
if I wasn't rebounding, I wouldn't ask you back *to have sex* (I might ask you to hang out though), and if I was rejected I would think you weren't interested. if you told me why you said no, then I would respect you, but I would secretly wonder if you were only 60% interested.