Tuesday, 03 February 2009
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My BF Had Nasty Pics On His Phone - Is He Cheating?
I knew my boyfriend had little trust in me from the beginning because his last girlfriend screwed him over and he had a really hard time getting over it. I get that. But then he started accusing me of cheating on him (even though he had absolutely no reason to believe that) and it hurt because I never have and never would cheat on anybody, especially him. He was always trying to get into my personal business, and I hated it. Soon I wondered if his being suspicious wasn't some twisted way of covering up his own secrets.A few days ago, my boyfriend and I took each other's phones (we leave each other notes and stuff like that) when I decided to be a little sneaky myself. I know that's being a hypocrite, but it turns out I had a good reason. Most of his texts were to and from me, but then I came across one that he sent to his own email address. Figuring it was just some random picture, I opened it. What I saw was shocking.
Inside were pictures of a half naked girl, well, playing with herself. You could clearly see every detail of her genitalia from various positions. It was absolutely disgusting. Worse, it looked too much like his ex (the one who screwed him over) for my comfort. And I just had to wonder who had been taking the pictures, since you could tell she wasn't taking them herself. I checked the date, and it was a while ago, but it was still while we were dating. I couldn't believe it! I know I should call him out on it, but I'm scared to admit that I went through his messages seeing as, not too long ago, we got in a fight about him doing the same to me.
Guys look at porn, I get that. But this definitely wasn't from a Playboy magazine. So I have two questions - first, what would be the best way to bring this up to him? And second, if it is his ex-girlfriend (or some other girl that he knows personally) doesn't that count as cheating?
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Comments (115)
dump his ass.
it does count as cheating if it is someone he knows or he took them himself.
however she could have sent them to him and he sent them to his email for blackmail. If he still hated her, That's what I'd do.
As to how to bring it up.
"What's with guys and having porn everywhere? Even on their phone! Do you have porn on your phone?"
something along those lines.
Or just be like
"I clicked the wrong thing and omg who's this naked chick that's not me!?"
;p
Wellllllllllllll.... if it's porn, then I can't really blame the guy. A lot of guys like porn. But if it's his ex.... I'd confront him about it, even though I don't generally condone snooping.
"Who's the naked girl in your phone?" Unassuming and neutral.
I'd go with that.
This happened to me just after my boyfriend had broken up with me and I was still paying his cell phone bill. He'd broken things off with me less than 24 hours before he was sending her naked pictures of himself. Sexting to me is cheating.
I consider it cheating and I'd get out. ASAP. Trust your instincts but the fact that he's blaming you for things he's done or considering doing, he shouldn't be in a relationship right now and you definitely shouldn't be in one with him. It's not fair to either party.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - Truuuuue... but why on his phone? Porn is for computers/tv... not cell phones your girlfriend has access to.
Trust your instincts and get out of that relationship before you get deeper into your relationship. My ex had a message to his old girlfriend saying that he loves her (and this was when we first started dating). I brushed it off when I should have confronted him about it.
you should ask him about it, but don't put your shields up yet. Let him explain. Then kick him to the curb.
@MadisonLinh@xanga - agreed. dump him.
yeah just ask him, and be honest that you were snooping. i mean, if he chooses to get mad at that, he at least has to still answer your question about who and what that is.
The only way to be sure is to ask him. The porn I look at generally looks nothing like playboy. As a matter of fact anything that looks like playboy is a turn off. TMI, I know but y'all will live. The key will be to approach the conversation as if he is innocent. Pretend to be comfortable with him having the pics on the phone and feign mild curiosity. His reaction to your unassuming curiosity will give you far better information than to go in heavy and him getting instantly defensive. Also if it is someone he knows/his ex it would be cheating. Unless of course it is blackmail. Or just revenge in general. But again just talk to him and find out.
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - i second that.
ugh, If I ever.
you have to ask him about it.even if you just come out and say I snooped and found this.It's with it in the end, and you'll know the truthChances are, if he's got the pictures, he either took them himself or has recently seen those body parts up close and personal.
And if he had no interest in this girl...then he would have no reason to forward the pic to his computer. Call him out on it, don't believe a DAMN word he says, and dump him.
Trust me on this...
@zubes5806@xanga - ...i 3rd it...
I had close to this same thing happen to me. It is more than likely his ex. Ask him flat out. If he can't come up with a damn good reason for those to be there(ie porn, sent from a male friend, something like that) dump him instantly. Trust me. If they have naked pics on their phones of chicks they know, they are cheating. Plain and simple. It is best to get out now before it is too late sweetie.
dump his ass!
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - @zubes5806@xanga - @ArmyWifeMom2Twins@xanga -
I'll 4th that.
Sure, it kinda sucks you were snooping, but that's a conversation you need to have regardless. Just because you were doing something 'wrong' doesn't invalidate a conversation about what you've found. Just be prepared to have two separate conversations. One to discuss what you found. One to discuss your snooping. Try to keep them separate.
if its not from the internet, circling around...like how ppl can forward those texts.......Leave him. That means he and a girl are doing something they shouldnt be doing while youre his gf.
I wouldnt tolerate it, oh hellllll no.
if its his ex gf, for sure leave him and dont look back.
That sucks. :/ Dump him.
If you do ask him about it, and he gives you a unrealistic excuse, don't believe a single word that comes out of his damn mouth.
Wow.
Snooping or not, I'll just ask him since you both did took each other's phone. I'm sure he looked through yours too.
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - I concur.
sounds fishy to me!
anything he says could possibly be a lie. i say (this is bad) finish out your snooping...look to see if the pics are still saved on his phone and when they were taken. They might have been sent while you guys were dating, but it doesn't mean they were taken then. See if they are still on his computer. If they are saved on his computer somewhere then that's a problem. If they aren't, well, it's probably not as serious as it seems.
but of course you will have to fess up to all the snooping when you confront him about it.
curiousity kills the cat.
BUT IT SURE IS WORTH KNOWING !!!!
bring it up casually.
who the FUCK is that female's pussy on your phone? HAHAHAH . but yeah
No don't dump him until you've asked him what's going on! You'd be jumping to a conclusion and you might have the wrong idea.
I'd say just ask him about it. Don't be confrontational or anything, just be like... "I saw this. Can you explain it to me? Because I'm a bit confused."