Monday, 02 February 2009
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I Don't Want to Drink Before My First Time
Recently, I've been talking to my girlfriend about getting married. It won't be any time soon - three and a half years at the least. But I just like talking about it; it makes me happy.One thing we got talking about was whether or not we were going to drink at the reception. I said I didn't want to - not that I have anything against people who want to, but I personally just don't want to drink and don't feel the need to.
She said she did. One thing we're adamant about is staying virgins until marriage...but what's the point if you won't remember your wedding night? She says she doesn't want to get drunk, just a little buzzed, but it worries me because I want my wedding night with her to be one untainted by mind-altering substances. I want everything to be natural and how it should be.
Am I being unreasonable? All I want is for my wedding night to be a night of pure passion of our own design, no additives to make it better or worse. Whenever I bring it up, she thinks I don't trust her, so I try and keep it on the down-low so as to not hurt her feelings.
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About the Author
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- From: harmonyminusmelody@xanga
- Name: Evan
- About Me: in reference to my username, i have been since acquainted with my melody and we shout to the heavens our concordant song of life and love. i am a lover, a God-fearer, a space enthusiast, an aerospace engineer in-training, a writer, a gamer. i am lazy, opinionated, overweight, overbearing, and full of myself, but honestly, WHO ISN'T?!? at least i can say i'm not full of YOURSELF.
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Comments (106)
I don't think you're being unreasonable...
It would be unfair for both of you if you did something that you were uncomfortable with....So you'll have to discuss this further with her before you get married.
Getting a little buzzed during the reception is no big deal. You'll probably sober up by the time you hit the hotel room, especially if you're going some where far.
I think how you feel is justified and worthwhile. Alcohol is a mind altering substance. It can also make you sick, and leave you unreasonably tired. Not only that, but if you both are saving yourselves for that night (awesome btw), then it should be a totally pure one in my opinion. I completely agree with you.
Another thought to ponder, if she is using this as a wedge of "trust" questioning...it seems like slight manipulation to avoid how you feel being considered as valid.(?) Be careful! Marriage is forever...past the high of love, there is a life long quality (or lack of it)of character that you will need live with.
I think you're being reasonable!
Not unreasonable at all. I completely agree with your view.
@ShamelesslyRed@xanga - no no no. she trusts me with everything. we're actually talking about this blog right now. i know she trusts me, and she really does. this is just a small issue that came up one night and i had a fear that i might have been irrational. trust me; she trusts me. there's no question about it.
Compromise. Have some drinks at the beginning of the reception and only get a little buzzed, but don't drink during the final 2 hours of the reception. By the time you reach the hotel you will both have sobered up, so it's a win-win: You get to drink and have a completely sober first time. :)
that is so cute.. virgins till marriage
@Lynn1013@xanga - I agree.
i don't think ur being unreasonable at all. It really depends on your personally opinion. Your friend wants to be a bit buzzed but u want to stay silver, u can't really convience ur friend into thinking how u think because at the end even if she listens to you she might regret her decision and you "caused" her to make such a decision. So overall, i guess u should just respect the way your friend thinks as she respects the way u think.
aww that is such a sweet sentiment! i hope she agrees because that sounds romantic to me =)
although.. just one little cup of champagne probably won't do much... so if you have to compromise, just remember that =P
I was drunk my first time, it is the worst feeling in the world waking up Knowing what happened but being unable to remember it. I think you are being perfectly reasonable, you should express to her that you want for both of you to have the full experiance of having sex for the first time, to be under the influence for that, and knowing it after the fact, is a terrible feeling.
Trust me bro, your first time is not going to be as great as you imagine it to be. Something other virgins probably won't tell you is that it most likely won't be pretty and it'll probably be real awkward. Being a little buzzed might actually help you out.
@harmonyminusmelody@xanga - No, I meant..." Whenever I bring it up, she thinks I don't trust her, so I try and keep it on the down-low so as to not hurt her feelings"....
not that she doesn't trust you, but that you don't trust her about drinking.
maybe we just misunderstood each other
reasonable
I completely understand where you are coming from. And where she is, because it's a wedding and a celebration. I personally would go the route you are, I think, but maybe a glass or two of champagne wouldn't be so bad. After all, there's toasts and things. Receptions are long, so by the time you guys leave and get situated, it'd be out of either of your systems, unless ya'll kept drinking until the hour you leave.
i, personably, want an open bar for my friends who show. i know my limits, of course. god forbid i end up throwing up on my wedding night.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Lol, that made me laugh. Pretty true though.
Although what coolmonkey wrote is somewhat true, it's still very sweet. A sip or even a glass of champagne won't do anything to you though.
A lot of champagnes are only 8-15% alcohol level. Just don't let her touch the hard stuff. Compromise. Everyone will be happy.
@Rain_Loves - "Just don't let her touch the hard stuff."
LOL!!!! That's what she said!
Or...just eat bread afterwards. It absorbs some of the alcohol in your system :)
@coolmonkey@xanga - Lol! Nice.
That's not unreasonable, but I don't think she's being unreasonable either. The two of you can compromise; make sure there's some time between your special moment and all the drinking so that she'll sober up by the time you get to your hotel (or wherever). Preemptive congrats! Haha.
Nah you're not being unreasonable. I think it's really sweet actually how you want to remember your wedding night. But nor is she being unreasonable. You just both want something that's a bit different than the other and it's something you both should talk about and accept.
Thats great about the whole not drinking thing! Personally, I don't drink, and I don't plan to because my family has it the fair share of alcohol problems. -I don't have anything against though or people who does- unless they are drunk.
However, why should it matter? Yanno, you guys should compromise. If she wants to get a buzz, I don't see a problem with it. I am not afraid to admit just the thought of sex makes me nervous. -I know, I am lame...but still
If you guys love each other- this shouldn't matter. I think it would be different if she was falling over drunk and what not, but a buzz shouldn't matter.
:D
That's not unreasonable, but keep in mind that having one glass of wine, champagne, or even beer will not harshly affect your judgement or memory.