Just recently, I was comfortable enough to come out to my friends. It wasn't easy because some of them are homophobes to the max, but oh well...I am who I am and that's it. Not a lot of people know about my sexual orientation because I don't go up to people and say, "Hi, my name is Cathy and I love women." That's awkward...and except for my sister, even my family isn't aware of my little secret.
Anyway, that's not the point.
A few months ago, I became friends with a girl, S, who lived on my floor. She's bisexual and the two of us hung out for a few months...and yes, I was attracted to her. Let's just say that we are no longer friends because she doesn't want anyone to care about her. It's a long, messed up story, but essentially, all she wants in life is to have sex with anything that moves without any emotional commitment. She kept stressing that she was "damaged" and "broken" from her previous relationships with men and women. But that's another story...
To be honest, I don't have a lot of bisexual/lesbian friends. All of them are straight and S was the only one who was willing to support me (or at least I thought she was). So, now I'm stuck.
I'm not
looking for a partner. If I meet the right woman and fall in love with her, that's awesome. If not, I won't be so bummed because so far, the other lesbian woman that I've come in contact with and met are just like S.
I don't get it. I feel like it's so hard to find someone to connect with these days. I'm not asking for much. I'm a romantic and I care deeply about those around me. And all I'm looking for is a nice, genuine woman who's fun and independent and witty. Honestly, I'm not asking for much. This isn't an ad
but I'm just sharing my feelings about lesbian dating. I know you single straight ladies out there (and even men) may feel the same way about the opposite sex, too, so don't think I'm being narrow-minded.
All I want is to make some friends and see what happens from there. I would like to be surrounded by people who understand where I come from and can relate to what I'm going through. My roommates suggested taking me to a gay bar, but I think that would be awkward. I would feel bad dragging them along knowing that they are straight and hating it deep down. But at the same time, how else am I going to meet people? It's not like I'm going to publish my sexual orientation in the school newspaper or shout it out my dorm window.
Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions where I can meet someone (not just for romance, but friendship)? Where did you meet your partner?
Recommend
Comments (40)
When I dated my ex girlfriend I met her through mutual friends at a concert, I've never tried any outside sources like match making places or anything so I can't really tell you.
Good luck though!
does your school have an lgbt club or center? do you live in a city with an lgbt community center? did you meet anyone through S?
NO gay bar. NO. Bad! Very bad!
Gay bar is NOT where you go for a relationship. Just a hookup. Take it from me, a gay bar is 75% skeezy people, 20% broken-hearted messes, and 5% of ppl like you who were mislead into bar culture.
Unless you are a party-hardy and drink a ton. THEN you're in the right place. Alternatively, come to an area (like a college), find the local/campus gay organization, or be somewhere where the gays run free and out so you can spot them in your fave activity and can catch one with interests like yours.
Try a women's studies course? I honestly don't know where to look. I've always wondered, though, how gay and lesbian people found each other especially when they're not so out there with their sexuality.
This post reminds me of the random sexually charged dream I had some time back, but that's another topic altogether! I don't know what to advise you having not been in this situation- But good luck!
@UnVolume@xanga - Okay, so the LGBT center was a much better suggestion. Go with that
The person I'm with right now we met by chance. We met at Comic Con International in San Diego, something one of my friends called "the greates geekfest in the world". I may understand how you feel about sexual orientation because I've accepted my bisexuality more recently after misnaming myself as just a tomboy. My best friend came out being a lesbian around the same time I started coming out being bi. Her family is very accepting of her homosexuality as her friends are. I have the same problems as you where only 1 family member knows of my bisexuality and I have quite a few homophobic friends, though idk if being bisexual would count. I can only imagine how hard it is to find an SO that would be more into having an actual relationship than just sex. Being bi isn't as easy either espcially when encountering guys who'd ask questions like "So how many girls have you had sex with?" like lesbians and bisexual girls have relationships namely for sex and nothing else, something I've experienced with an exbf who in addition wanted to have a 3 way with a lesbian, another story I don't think you'd like to hear. As far as meeting others in romance and friendship, this post you put up is a good thing because you know what I think you'd be a good friend to get to know. Saying if you want to be friends. As far as romance goes, think about your hobbies and you may meet someone through that.
Gay bar is probably a bad idea...
I would say, just try and do some more activities. Start going to the gym, or something. Get a hobby where you have to go somewhere else. The more people you meet, the more chances you have of finding people you like.
Well if you want to make friends with a trans guy (FTM) who has a ton of gay and lesbian friends and has been researching all things queer for four years (aka can answer a lot of questions, send you to people, places, material to look into, etc), I'm more than willing to step up and be a friend to you.
There's also sites out there just for meeting people (OurChart.com is just for lesbians and transmen, for example)... but, of all of them, I recommend OkCupid. I'm not big into online dating and I think answering Craigslist personals (for example) is really silly and stupid (though, two years back I made a good friend that way), as long as you're honest, OkCupid has treated a lot of people well. I dated two people off that site (casually, not seriously), and made two really good "real life" friends that I hang out with on a regular basis through that site. My friend Alex met his current boyfriend on that site. He is the happiest I've ever seen him. When the real world fails you, the Internet is always there to be your friend. Especially if you're not into the club scene or don't have people to go to the club scene with. (I've made the majority of my queer friends in queer "hot spots", though, personally. I know where all the gays in this town and its neighboring towns congregate. In fact, I know most of the gays in this town! hah.)
One more thing about queer clubs, they're really not all that awkward for straight people -- at least the clubs by me aren't. Unless they are homophobic. Chances are there will be topless guys grinding all up on other guys, and women mackin' it right in front of your faces. But there will also be straight couples doing the same things. I know for me personally, at the clubs by me, we have a fairly decent population of straight people that come. It's the one place a girl can go to dance and be pretty much assured that some creepy guy isn't going to just come up and start rubbing his junk all up on her backside. I have a few friends who are happily coupled who go with their straight significant other to queer clubs all the time. The atmosphere to these places is totally different. I'd know. I'm big into the club scene. (In a totally respectable way.)
If you're not into the online dating thing or queer bars and clubs, joining queer blogrings here at Xanga, or reading sites of open-minded people is always good... you'd be amazed at how many strong friendships I have developed through these mediums.
That's really all I have to say.
Looking for a partner as a queer in American society is a completely different game than the same thing for straight individuals here. Straight people only have to worry about if the other people are a) single or b) interested in them. We have to add c) of our orientation to that list, which is often one of the most difficult questions to ask. Which is one of the reasons I've begun looking for friends and dates online. You don't have to ask; it's right there in front of you. And, if dating fails, you often make a friend out of the deal.
Again, if anything, I'm always here for further help, ideas, etc.
[edit] - Like many people before me said (*when I first started writing this comment there were no comments*) a queer studies, gender studies, or women's studies class is ALWAYS a good place to find people who are either of your orientation or willing to look past gender and date the person that is inside. Queer-friendly coffee houses, LGBTQ centers, and the restaurants neighboring those centers are all really good places too. [/edit]
my friend is lesbian and came out of the closet a few years ago and we're all supportive of her, me and my friends dont mind. this blog reminds me of her cause shes looking for a gf. if you are interested that is haha. shes 18
I met my boyfriend in school, and my girlfriend (long before him) also in school. (Yes, I'm bi.) Just strike up conversations with people in your class... you're bound to find a lesbian or bi girl soon enough =)
If not, I'm always here for you! ;D
I met my husband online.
Maybe you can try some gay/lesbian chat rooms. :)
You go girl express those feelings and have no shame in your game. haha hi i'm christine well i can be your new friend. lol Anyway i sort of get what your trying to say. I'm not leasbian or anything but i have had thoughts. Like hit up at the gay bars or clubs or go online into chatrooms. Or look on here in one of them gay/leasbian blogrings you'll find a lot of them. They could introduce you to others. you know? We should chat.
oh my lord i totally feel...oh man
I met my ex-girlfriend in high school. Â I met my ex-boyfriend in college, and I met my current boyfriend through my ex-boyfriend while still at that college. Â I've had good luck getting in with the kinds of people I enjoy being around at educational institutions. :P
But you're very attractive, and you seem smart, so I'm sure you'll find someone eventually. Â Have you tried bookstores or the college library? Â Are there any stores near you that cater to the GLBT crowd? Â Sometimes interesting people hang out there. Â I'd agree with the person above who said not to meet women at a gay bar.
I have to admit that I share the same problem. I'm bisexual, but it seems that finding any other woman that's on my same wavelength and ready to engage in a relationship is just a little harder than I'd like it to be. I have a feeling that I'll just end up leaving it to chance.
i hope you find someone soon! and don't worry too much about being single, its much easier than being in a relationship=P whenever i get lonely i just think of all the amazing ppl in my life and how lucky i am to have them in it=]
Gay bars aren't as awkward for straight people as you might think. =] I mean, if it's a club... I went to a gay club with some friends for someone's birthday, and besides like one incident, it didn't seem much different from a non-gay bar, besides the drag show and the TV screens with the built cowboys dancing without their shirts on.. but anyway. If your friends the ones suggesting it, don't feel bad about taking them up on their offer! After all, it was their idea.. Contrary to popular belief, you can make friends at bars, as long as you don't meet people and then immediately get into bed with them..
And you can try Facebook, too, if you're in college or in a college area..
hey! well, i get where ur coming from when you say that a majority of ur friends are straight. :/ kinda sux, but try to socialize alot more amongst those ppl you kno who ARE fo shizz gay/bi. like, it's hard for me to find a beautiful fem i can truly click with, but i mainly find girls who r looking for a "good time". bars would be good to MEET ppl...unfortunately most ppl in bars are looking for a hook-up. but yea more than anything try to be more sociable in class, school, dorm parties! lol...i've met plenty of girls and struke up a conversation. so it's really down to the crowd n how flirtatious n sociable ur willing to be.
Yeah I know how that is. I'm sure you will find someone soon. Don't worry about being single, sometimes it can be good. :) I'm a lesbian & I have many gay friends. Really when I came out to my friends, some of them came out too. I was shocked. But I don't know. You should try and go to like a gay club or something. Get to know people like us. lol
[:
I'm a bi trans guy with no partner (in the past or present) but I've met bi girls and lesbians (who have incidentally become two of my best friends) through my school's GLBT club, which also gives out free "Out and Proud" and "GLBT Ally" shirts every National Coming Out Day. Good advertising, if you're bold. Â
Well I meet my girl by chance and faith about a couple of years ago. I do know how you feel and I wish you nothing but the best. If you need a lesbian to talk to am here for you. Here is my xanga. www.xanga.com/mr_alexx. Good luck I hope all is well!
~Alexx
I'm straight, but i love gay bars! Your friends, gay or not would probably have a blast! No, i wouldn't suggest hooking up with anyone, but it would be a cool way to maybe meet other people and find other circles of friends, who might know someone who knows someone, etc etc.
I have dated 2 men offline(chatrooms), and am currently in a relationship now with one of them, going on 4 years.
I agree with the suggestions about a gay club at your school, not so much a gay dancing club - most are just hookups, like they said. The online also seems to work, too. Seems quite a few people on here are not of the straight orientation, and would be up to talking to you, if you want the love and support of a friend who accepts you regardless of orientation. I know I would! :)